Lightweight Lucy

| Now Playing: Adore by Dean Lewis |

I'm just gonna stand with my bag hanging off my left arm,
I'm just gonna walk home kicking stones at parked cars.
But I had a great night,
'Cause you kept rubbing against my arm.
So I'm just gonna stand with my bag hanging off my left arm.

Get me a drink,
I get drunk off one sip just so I can adore you.
I want the entire street out of town,
Just so I can be alone with you.
Now go when you're ready,
My head's getting heavy pressed against your arm.
I adore you.

I'm known as a right-hands slugger,
Anybody else wanna touch my lover?
_____________________________________________________________________

Wow, the past few days have actually been pretty incredible. Laid back, euphoric, happy. I've just had a really good couple of days. So right after I got off work on Thursday, literally as I was getting in my car and plugging it up to my car, I got a text from Allen asking me if I wanted to come up and join him for dinner. Amanda and CJ were going to be there and I was elated. I was so ready for that. So I got my bearings and tried me best to shower and get ready before heading out to a specific gas station just so I could get my hands on some Boone's Farm Sangria. But like I had feared, they had stopped selling it. But what they did have were the 40oz Smirnoff Screwdrivers that I like so much, so I snatched three of those and headed up to Blacksburg.

It was honestly one of the most fun nights of my life. I got there, and everyone was there (even though West was still back home with family) and we started drinking. By the time dinner was ready, I was already getting pretty drunk, just from one of my drinks. But the dinner, my god. Allen made zucchini boats filled with chicken and garlic pesto and cheese and was hands down one of the best things I've ever had. It was so fucking good, and I was just salivating for more. So after that, and I was already drunk by the end of my first drink because in case it isn't apparent, I've really become a lightweight, I don't know how we came to this decision, but it was decided that we were going to be singing songs from musicals and basically performing them as a group haha. So an opening group number, two duets for the couples, solos for each of us, and a closing group number haha. It was so much fun! Allen and I sang Light My Candle, and it was, again, the most fun ever. Our closing number was Cinderella from the Cheetah Girls because we're the coolest people alive haha. God, that night was so amazing. Then around midnight, CJ and Amanda left (after bonding with CJ over quoting Spongebob episodes haha) and Allen and I had the place to ourselves. He's such an incredible guy, truly, and the more time I spend with him, the more I want to be around him. We had a great night together, just exploring our time together, and I just really like him a lot.

We had discussed the whole getting together for New Year's thing. They were getting together to go to the Park for New Year's Eve. And while that's not exactly my scene, and it makes me super anxious and nervous, I've decided that I want to go with them. I'm sort of tired of not putting myself out there, you know? I want to try new things, experience things I normally would shy away from. I want to push myself. But we were also going to go to the wine tasting, but on Saturday, Allen was really sick and couldn't do it, which I totally don't think mixing wine on his stomach like that would have been a good idea, so it all worked out. I'm hoping I get to see him today, even if we don't end up going to the Park. But if we do end up going to the Park, I'm all for it. I'm ready to break free from my terror and just let loose and be carefree about it.

Also, this is the last blog of 2017! Looking back, 2017 has been an absolutely crazy year for me. I started 2017 living with my mom, being back home with her and my brother, and that was a great experience. I was formatting my book, and editing, and it was a really stressful ordeal to undertake when living in a place that has no internet. Then, my book came out in May. And that still blows my mind? Like...I put out a book...a real book...and people can read it? That's still so crazy to me, and I'm so excited for what will happen with the book in 2018. The audiobook for Sever is coming really soon, so there's that, but who knows. Maybe some more dreams of mine can come true in 2018. Then, I changed departments at work in July. I got super sick just before that, and my ear problem was born. I still haven't seen a doctor about it, because, like last time, I'm about to go back on a week of overnights AGAIN in my department, so I can't go quite yet. I started blogging twice a week in July, and that's been a fun way to look back at my year, and see everything I've faced. I moved out of my mom's house in July, and back in with my grandparents. I survived Taylor Swift releasing an album this year when NO ONE thought she was going to. I got tickets to her tour. I met such a beautiful and wonderful guy over the holidays this year. I finally got a new computer, and an iMac, which i've always wanted.

It's just been a crazy year, specifically the past six months really. Ever since I released my book at the end of May, life has been in hyper drive and just super hectic and crazy. But honestly, the thing I'm most excited about as this year comes to a close is the fact that I'm in a better head space. Things were getting too dark in my head, as my earlier blogs can attest to, but I feel so much better now. I know what my goals are, I know what my focuses should be, and I want to work on being a better me. Fitter, healthier, wiser, smarter. I just want to be a better Justin. And 2018, you better fucking get ready for it.

Lightweight in libation but heavyweight in soul,

-- Justin