Hoopin’

| Now Playing: Never Let Me Go by TEFFLER |

Your lips were made for mine
I want you to come closer
Your love was meant for me
I couldn’t find no better
I might not ever find
Someone like you I’m forever
We’re running out of time
I want you to come over

All we gotta do baby
All we gotta do is
All we gotta do is touch
All we gotta do baby
All we gotta do is
All we gotta do is touch
All we gotta do baby
All we gotta do is
All we gotta do is touch
All we gotta do baby
All we gotta do is
All we gotta do is touch

So pull me a little closer
Hold me, roll me like a coaster
And say, say you’ll never let me go
So pull me a little closer
Baby, I wanna get to know you
And say, say you’ll never let me go
________________________________________________

Here we are, Book Two of my life haha. I don’t really know where to start. It’s been a fucking whirlwind ever since I finished the last blog. Let’s start with my last day of work in Salem.

It went fairly smoothe. I wasn’t really trying to do a whole lot anyways, but I still had leftover  no mod from my reset to deal with, so I really just dealt with that all day. They gave me a card and a cake during the morning meeting, it was really sweet. I’ll insert a picture of my cake if blogger mobile will let me haha. And it didn’t so there’s that haha. But it was really sweet, all blue roses and everything. I spent most of the day with Destiny because of course. Riding down after work wasn’t bad at all. I had a brief moment where I was sad but it was because I was thinking about leaving Destiny and Benzo behind, but neither of us are gone, just relocated, so it’s not that big of a deal

We got everything here inside fairly quickly, mainly because I don’t really have a lot of stuff to begin with. My clothes are in the spare room, my boyfriend and I are in his room, and it’s been really wonderful being here together and everything. We’ve done so much I feel like, it’s hard to remember everything haha. We of course relaxed for the most part until I started work Saturday.

And I felt really defeated. I still feel sort of defeated in a sense just because they’re treating me like garbage. It’s as if they’re completely skipping over the fact that I’m new to grocery, despite being trained on OGP, and they expect for me to just know how things work. And don’t even get me started on the schedule. Because there isn’t one. I have no set days off, no set shifts, and it’s been really fucking with me. I ended up telling them that I was having some family issues and it was restricting my schedule because while the job isn’t bad, and I don’t actually mind closing as far as what it entails, I just hate the mindset it puts me in. I feel like I don’t have time to do anything, I feel like it’s just really hard to plan stuff I or we want to do around here around my schedule and that aspect of it is just not working for me. The job itself is good, I enjoy doing it. But between my assistant manager treating me like garbage and my fellow DM giving me grief, it’s just not a good environment. I even spoke with the store manager, and she basically was saying that OGP probably isn’t the best fit for me and that I should look into going to another store. And Julie, fucking Julie, in personnel has been giving me daggers if attitude as well and it’s like damn, can’t y’all work with me, or even just treat me like a basic human being. I guess that’s what it boils down to, respect. I’m not feeling any sort of respect or concern, and that’s where I have the problem.

My boyfriend’s been the best. He’s taken my mind off of the onslaught of work stress, given me advice when I really needed it, and I just can’t express just how much I love him. Being here with him, having him here by my side, it’s the most real thing I’ve ever felt, and I just can’t get over how fortunate and grateful I am. Whether it’s going to a rooftop bar downtown with Careese, or hanging out with his mom’s work friends, or today, enjoying the day together by going to Belle Isle and swimming and then relaxing at a hookah bar, seeing his smile every day makes everything make sense.

All in all, it’s been really great being here in Richmond. I love the area and it’s subsequent surrounding areas. The fact that we can go out into the wilderness and nature at a place like Belle Isle and be able to see the city skyline from it is something that I’ve always craved. I’m really hoping either work gets better and they work with me, or another amazing opportunity comes along because I think I’m going to be around Richmond for a while.

Enjoying the sequel,

—Justin

Deletes

| Now Playing: Marlon Brando by Chester Lockhart |

All the smoke in the air
Leads back to your lips
But I can’t look away from your eyes
I feel your breath in my hair
As your hands go to my hips
And the heat drips down to my thighs

You say relax and lean back into me
You say you need me
Over and over again

He’s got a temper like you wouldn’t know
And when we tells me he loves me so
I get so high that I can’t be low
‘Cause I’m in love with Marlon Brando
_____________________________________________________

So as I’m writing this, it’s my last night at my grandparents place. It’s a weird feeling, only because it doesn’t feel weird? Like obviously I’ve moved out before. The first time I left home after high school was sad, even though I moved in with my grandparents, the time I moved in with my ex, I was sad to leave my grandparents. But I don’t know, I don’t feel sad about this. All I feel is excited and ready and leaping at this opportunity I’ve been given to usher in a new era of my life, the next chapter. My only concern is I don’t want my boyfriend or his mom to feel put out or anything by me being there, or that I’m going to take advantage of staying there by prolonging how long I plan on being there. I just don’t want to mess up this beautiful thing that he and I have together, because it’s the realest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, and I just hope he knows how much it means to me that I’m even being able to stay with them and everything. Not that I’m knocking the benefits, because who wouldn’t want to wake up next to that beautiful man every morning until further notice? Certainly not I because seeing him next to me in the morning is literally one of my favorite things in the world. *blasts Good Morning Babe from every speaker in the world*.

Anyway, this week has been really good in retrospect  (Thanks retrograde!). People at work have been asking me if I’m excited and everything like that, I just know tomorrow is going to be tough. Like I don’t really think I’ll cry but if my darling Destiny starts crying, I’ll probably break because that’s going to be what breaks me haha. I’m pseudo glad Amber and Wendy have been out with baby Aiden just because I don’t have to really see their faces when we talk about me leaving. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to miss A LOT of people. I’ve come to connect with almost every Department Manager I work with in one way or another, given them my signature names that are honestly at this point fairly legendary among the store haha. And even Zachariah Malachiah went and lobbed off all his hair so it’s short now. I am going to miss them, but I am so looking forward not being complacent anymore. Not being angry, not feeling like nothing I ever do is good enough. I’m not saying I’m not going to have hard times or stress at this new store, I’m just saying my concerns will be completely different, and I really need different because I can’t keep having the same downfalls at this store. Tomorrow’s going to be a weird day at work, I honestly don’t plan on working too much, in my eyes, it’s ‘Celebrate Justin Day’ so literally I’m not doing a whole lot haha.

My boyfriend came down this past weekend, and that was lovely. We did a lot, heading to Blacksburg Friday evening to see everyone up there, got to see Kelly’s new place (oooh whoa oooh!) and then came back down. We watched a shit ton of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, a bop. Then we even watched some Teen Titans per his request  (A man seriously after my heart even though he already has it). Saturday we chilled until our date at Cheddar’s, where we had our first date, and that was great, reminiscing over our first date and everything haha. Then we met West for drinks at Billy’s Barn and got to see our friend the lesbian waitress again before leaving so that was pretty cool. He totally loved the time we spent with Snowgray while we waited for chicken tenders to cook, so that warmed my heart haha. Then Sunday we did lunch with Lisette and Kelly and her new boy Alejandro, who seems really cool and good for her, but that three weeks though! We went back to Kelly’s place, played a few games, tossed back a few libations, ate at Dynasty and this fucking wine / Chinese combo literally dicked my stomach down, I was in so much pain. We went to a winery with Kelly and Alejandro before we went back to her place and loved this plum wine, but future self, take note: don’t fucking order wine from a Chinese buffet. And certainly don’t fucking order FLAVORED wine at a damn Chinese restaurant. Fuck a damn Dynasty. But he was really sweet in taking care of me, God love him. Then we watched Big Brother 20 and chilled. Then the work week was back to annoy me, so he took some stuff back with him and headed back to Richmond.

I’ve been dealing with no mod shit all week. And today they pulled us away to run Grocery truck because why not? I will leave all that damn no mod for the new Toys DM, who apparently is named Megan and is coming from Valley View because all the new people come from Thy’s Old store at this point (insert the new Pharmacy girl who’s name I literally didn’t bother to learn) Pam Pam bought book from me and gave me 20 bucks for it, which I was not expecting. Teresa wants one too so I got hers ready. I might just give my last copy to Seanathan Michael Preston, I’m gonna miss him plus he’s expressed interest in wanting it, so I might do that. And today was really fun, bonding and making last memories with Pam Pam and Destiny and even Morgagina. Ugh, I love them so much.

Ceara came over after work to help me pack and pack my car up, since I’m leaving after work tomorrow to both beat the traffic and get to have two days to detox before Saturday when I start at the new store. Oh, and Devin joined us for lunch today! We saw him walking from Famous Anthony’s and so I messaged him and he joined us. He then sent me the sweetest message since I won’t see him tomorrow about missing me and that 1309 won’t be the same and how I’m going to rock OGP (he’s our OGP) so that meant a lot. But Ceara and I just really hung out, I’m exhausted from not sleeping well last night and work the past two days (I stayed over until 5:30 yesterday helping Destiny run and bin Dairy because Cap didn’t work freight from that night’s truck) and then we stayed a little bit today because of the whole running the grocery truck thing. I’m just tired haha. Thank God I’m probably leaving early tomorrow because of work over schedule.

Also, I made this really cool cover for my fan compiled album for Chester Lockhart, hence why he’s in the NP haha.

I don’t really know what else to say but I’m excited, a little nervous, but so fucking ready to get out of this era, and move on to Book Two of my life. Also, shout out to whoever wrote the title of this blog on some breakpacks that had us rolling at work. It’s supposed to be “deleted” and I read the word deletes as “de-leet-iss” because I was like what the fuck is deletes and why doesn’t it say deleted haha. We have fun through the chaos. I’m sure going to miss them. Ugh, tomorrow’s going to be fucking weird at work. I’m just still, in spite of all that missing and stuff, I’m so ready to go, to leave. To be in a new area, to start this Book Two. I literally can’t wait.

Until the new chapter begins,

— Justin

Roanoke > Richmond

| Now Playing: Prisoner by Jeffree Star |

I got no regrets

And I remember the day that we met

There was no way that I could forget you

So I followed you home

And I waited 'till you were alone

And I crept

Into your room while you slept

I laid next to you and I knew

That I could never let you go

I know this seems so wrong

But I'm just a love sick criminal

You can arrest me baby I don't wanna leave

Lock me up, throw away the key

I don't care if I'm in trouble deep

I'm addicted to your love

I'll be your prisoner

I'lll be your prisoner tonight

I'm under your spell

And I just can't get enough

_______________________________________________

What a week it's been! First of all, shout out to me for putting out a blog in a little over a week and actually having a song to feature! Ever since Shane Dawson has started his Jeffree Star series on YouTube. I've rekindled my love for Jeffree's music and this song has been in my fucking head day in and day out. Literally, it has not left, so naturally, the NP is where it goes on to live forever.

After my last blog, it's been interesting. So I heard back from the store I had that interview at, and they offered me a completely different position than what I applied for, saying that they didn't have anything else. So what that told me was that they were showing massive favoritism to the other girl that was being considered for the position and was basically giving me to the wind. I was pretty bummed, but a bitch is determined, so I was messaging and calling other stores. Petersburg had a position but it went away after one day, so that fell through. Then Friday I emailed, through the help of my store manager, another store in Henrico about possibly transferring. No sooner had I sent the email, I got a call from the store I interviewed at, and they offered me the position I interviewed for. I know, it's literally insane, especially after they basically passed me over for the job. But they basically said that they couldn't pass up having me there.

So that's when the panic set in. Because they want me to start on August 18th. As in two weeks exactly from the Friday that they offered me the position. So instantly I had to call my boyfriend and let him know since I'll be rooming with him until I can find my own affordable place down there. Everything's sort of been a blur since then, because it's been so crazy.

I did some writing over the weekend, so that's always a plus. I'm a little on the fence about just how I'm going to be able to do said writing over the time I'm looking for my own place in Richmond, but I know that this is what's best for me. Like everyone keeps saying, I really do think I'm going to have more flourishing opportunities in Richmond, especially in regards to my writing. I just know that this is going to be a much better place for me to be than here right now. Everyone seems to be happy for me, and I really think this is a move in the right direction. 

The start to the work week has been frustrating, because I have a massive reset in my department, literally everything is changing, but basically mod team isn't being made to do no mod items, and I had to spend all day Tuesday cleaning that up. But anyway, then some shit happened with my mom Tuesday. I have both her and my brother texting me about how bad things are, and my mom is asking me for money. Again. I get it, she's reaching out for help and everything, but it still feels like she mainly responds to my texts and actually carries a conversation with me when she wants / needs money. I cried, and had a little time with that, but thank God for both my boyfriend and my best friend. Having them in my life makes me feel sane about the situation. That was last night, and I'm just so thankful to have both of them in my life.

Today's been a really good day, even if it did start out annoying by my grandparents shit talking about how late I slept, but whatever. The Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Direct was this morning, so I watched that an saw the couple new characters, and the fact that 100+ stages are gonna be playable. I'm so fucking ready for this game to come out. I need to take my Kirby Star Allies game and try to trade it in because I'm so fucking over it, but ya know. Honestly, I haven't been playing anything but Stardew Valley lately anyway, because I fucking love it to Pluto and back.

Then after getting ready, as determined by our FaceTime last night, Benzo and I got together. We met up at Ross and I got this super cute button up that's dark blue but with color specs all over it, super fucking cute. Then we ate at Macado's, which was perfect because it's Wednesday and all the Mexican food was discounted. Then we headed over to Burlington, where I found a super cute shirt and a shaver and some pore cleanser, but before that, I was fat shamed!

So I'm perusing the button ups, and I have like four shirts that I think will fit and are cute, and this woman a rack behind me is like starting to talk and I realize that she's talking to me. So I turn around and she says it again now that she has my attention, and she's like "They have clothes for YOU here!?" and I'm like is she really saying this and she says it again and I just laugh nervously because I honestly can't believe she's saying this to me and then she says "They must have a 3X double XL" and I'm absolutely mortified that this woman is saying this to me. Then she proceeds to show me some sweatpants that would be way too big for me and she's like "yeah that's probably not your style though"and meanwhile I'm laughing this off, making this seem like it's some innocent exchange because I'm so enraged and embarrassed that it's happening. She's lucky she told this to 2018 Justin and not 2016 or even most of 2017 Justin, because they would have been completely destroyed by what she said, begging Benzo to leave the store, and just feeling like a worthless piece of shit. But 2018 Justin is doing better than he ever was and while yeah, it pissed me off, I know that I'm an incredible person enough to know that that exchange was way more a reflection on her than me. But anyway. We left Burlington and headed home! I'm not feeling work tomorrow, but gotta pay these bills haha.

I'm gonna finish watching Big Brother 20, and relax for the rest of the night.

Until next time, byeeeee!

-- Justin