Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Jesus Helvetica Christ

| Now Playing: Keep Me Coming by Superfruit |

You know I wanna stay the night,
You got me on the floor confessing.
Lead me on and you change your mind,
You keep me second guessing.

You tear me into pieces,
That's alright.
You torture and you tease me,
That's alright.
I'm running out of reasons,
That's alright.
'Cause you take it away, take it away,
And I want it back.

You keep me coming,
Keep me coming back for more.
You keep me coming,
Keep me coming back for more.
I know you know I want it,
You keep me coming,
Keep me coming back for more.
______________________________________________________

If my last blog post was the preamble to hell, then this blog is the epicenter of the eternal fire. It's been such a rough couple of days, that I don't even know where to begin. As usual, it's because of work stress that I'm out of sorts. I mean, how many blogs can I count that don't involve me reeling from work, and end up emotionally shorthanded during the weekend? I can count the ones that I don't on one hand, I would imagine. I just, I don't know. I know I keep saying that, but this time, I really don't. Especially after today. Even yesterday was absolutely horrific and my blood pressure was on such an emotional roller coaster, that for today to also be such a soulful whirlwind, it's all too overwhelming. Anyway, on to the main course.

The last day of my weekend was spend relaxing. I literally played more video games than I did writing, because it was just an off day in respect to writing, I guess. But at least I've been getting back into Splatoon 2. I've been playing so much Mario Kart lately that I've neglecting my lil baby. But Splatoon has been fire. Like today, I played six matches in a row that I WON. SIX. I've never won that much in a row because I always have to be the mom of the team and cover the HQ, but that's neither here nor there. Back to my point. I ended up playing a bunch of Splatoon and just being Lays Potato Chips and watching YouTube videos and whatnot. That part was great. But, like usual, the work week started, and thus Hell on Earth was unleashed.

So I can't really speak to this for Monday. Monday really was the MVP of the week. It wasn't a bad day, but I still wasn't able to stick to routine. Mainly because I had 660 price changes drop, but what can you do? I worked hard to get them cut in half at least, on top of running freight and everything else. They also had us in Infants for like an hour, just zoning, so that cut into time I could have been executing processes, but that's the way the cookie crumbles, Marty. They've also restarted the zone at two, and we're not allowed to do anything else but zone. So that's also been cutting into time. But ya know. Like I said, Monday was a blessing in comparison. A true, god-fearing blessing.

Because yesterday, I just can't. Like it actually causes me physical pain to think about. Actual lacerations across my heart. But I'll do my best. So walking in, there was more freight than usual for my department. Which isn't to say that it was a lot, a cart and a pallet, but still more than I normal would have, and thus throwing me off of my normal routine for the day. So there was that. Then my blood pressure met its first spike when I was told that the things I was already working, i.e., the pallet and the cart, was already worked. Which I found funny because everything that I was working was going out. Which means that someone wasn't doing exactly what they were supposed to be doing, which is so frustrating, because it means I have to go back and double check, and waste more time. But yeah. Especially when the home is empty? So frustrating. Then the second spike hit when Seanathan Michael told me that there was my stuff in the wrong bin and there was more to run. Then I check behind him, just to make sure he got everything, and I'm finding stuff that's being hidden behind over boxes. I was livid. I saw red. I heard sirens. Kill Bill sirens. I was a man possessed. It was just enough. It was just a dark day. And then the third spike came in knowing that tomorrow, meaning today, was going to be rough because Wednesday's are notoriously hard because most people have it off. And it was. Oh, it really was.

But it was so bad that I texted Benzo and asked if we could meet up at Alejandro's and pig out like the fatty fatty fat fat that I am. So we did, and it was scrumptious as usual. Then we went to Ross and Target, where I was literally blown away by their men's clothing selection. I very rarely go to Target, and probably haven't been in one since 1989 came out, so there's that. But they have multiple size fats so I was in heaven. Then we headed out to see mother!, which was a weird...interesting movie. Like, it has you going until the very last frame. It's crazy. But an interesting, good kind of crazy. I think. I'm still trying to process the damn thing haha.

I also had another nightmare last night. More murder and craziness matching some stuff from the weekend. In last night's, it was sort of like a movie. I was part of a group of teenage friends, and they were offed by a killer. The killer was revealed, three of us, myself included survived. Then it went like a year or so later, and we had new friends with us, and all but the three of us were killed again. It was revealed that one of the three of us were the killer this time, mourning over the loss of one of the friends from the first killing, blaming us for surviving. They murdered us before killing themselves. Then a third one, where I was inhabiting a new character, that ended up being the killer and getting away with it. I have fucked up dreams, y'all.

Today was a behemoth of underestimation. A unfathomable decline in moral, integrity, and overall work ethic. I'm still trying to recover from what happened today. I'll do my best not to lose it, to be honest. So everything was fine. Not fine, but better than yesterday. Even went back out to lunch with Teresa and Pam today (We also went out Monday and I ate at Zaxby's for the first time {it was alright}), and everything was just mediocre. Then the shrink meeting happened. And it wasn't too bad, until it took a turn for the worst. After AP asked us a question, on how we were gonna fix blah blah issue and what the issue was, we gave reasons. And verbatim? "Well if all you're gonna do is complain, then you need to quit your job. You're being paid to do a job for a reason, and if you can't do it without complaining, then you can go. You're all replaceable." I fucking kid you not. I was livid. I saw red. I heard sirens. Kill Bill sirens. It was just too much. I still can't get over it. I still have no idea how I'm going to go in there tomorrow and do my job without plateauing in depression. It's going to be so hard.

Tonight was the finale of Big Brother. Paul didn't win. Pissed. But ya know. And the title of this blog comes from what I've been saying lately. I always say Jesus H a lot, and ended up giving it a working middle name, since I have an infatuation with middle names for some reason. Also, during mother!, I came up with Lucifer Christian on the fly, because I'm HILARIOUS. Ignore me, I'm depressed. The one thing that's been keeping me going is Keep Me Coming, and Future Friends the album in general, keeping me pumped up. AND. My reputation merch is going to be here Tamar Braxt! I'm so excited to see it all. So that'll at least get me through the day. Or, at least, I'm hoping.

A bold face italic, 

-- Jesse

Saturday, September 16, 2017

MARCUS

| Now Playing: Save Me From Myself by Chester Lockhart |

Tired,
I'm tired of losing sleep.
Tensions too high,
But I'm in too deep.
Pain,
Is like a dear old friend.
No matter where we start,
Together in the end.

If I lose it all, will you still be here?
We die for the money, we cry golden tears.

Bloody noses up in Beverly Hills,
We wear bikinis while we're drowning in pills.
Drive my Mercedes on the highway to hell,
Somebody save me from myself.
________________________________________________________

Ugh. That's how I would sum up the past couple days since my last blog. Just ugh. The SpongeBob episode.
Anyway, after coming down from the sheer annoyance of Wednesday's work day (Mainly because of AP but ya know), I woke up Thursday feeling pretty good because I actually slept well. I don't know why the previous days were so hard for me, and why sleep was eluding me like a sought after dream, but I was super thankful to have finally gotten some rest for once. So I was in good spirits when I headed into work, which is unusual these days, but I was feeling myself (trademark, Beyoncé).

I got with Dennis about my back wall, and it needing to be organized and some of the deleted needed to be taken to clearance, and I actually got the okay to mark stuff down, as long as it was nine dollars and under. Which I'll take at this point. At least most of it was around that price and was able to go down. I put stuff that was over that on clearance labels anyway, and it helped drive some sales that way, so I'm not complaining. The only problem was that this project was going to take up the majority of my time, from organizing everything, getting everything accurately priced, and then marking down the things that I was able to markdown, I was looking at an all-day, if not most-day, project. Which meant that there was no way I was going to be able to stay in routine, but it had to be done. The only other problem with this, was that a particular Elderly Duo kept on getting in my way.

Riffling through the buggy of markdown items, giving me hard glances, and hovering around me for THREE HOURS. I come back from lunch, and think all is well. Cut to an hour and a half later, when I'm actually getting somewhere and marking down the markdown items, who pops in for a rude hello? I was over it. It literally was making my blood pressure boil, and considering that this was happening not only for long periods of time but also multiple times throughout the day? They were making MARCUS come out. I jokingly talked about this on Tuesday, when we had to move the BTS stuff to L&G. I was joking with Zack that I had a demon inside of me, and his name was MARCUS. It was just a joke and the first name that popped into my head at that moment. And I've decided that it's preferred if his name is in all caps (I swear, I'm not actually insane). But the reason this blog is titled after this hypothetical and imaginary hell-dweller is because it's just how I've been feeling lately. What with AP getting on my last possibly nerve on Wednesday, and then the Elderly Duo on Thursday, it was just enough.

Then, after work on Thursday, I debated on whether or not I should wait until midnight to film my reaction to Superfruit's album, which arrived at midnight, or wait until I got off work on Friday to do it. I was going to wait until Friday, but my grandma let me know that Jessie, my cousin, was coming down for the weekend, and since I presumed that she was bringing Aidyn with her, I opted for Thursday night instead.  I didn't want to wake the baby or anything with my loud reacting ass, so I had to stay up to film it. Which sucked, because I was dead tired after dealing with the Elderly Duo and marking down items earlier in the day. But I did it. I waiting for Part Two of Future Friends to come out on iTunes by go ahead and reacting to the Part One songs while waiting. So that was fun. And the Part Two songs are SO GOOD. Scott and Mitch really set the bar high with the music, and I'm obsessed. Their music is so different, especially for pop music, and it's so fucking good. I'm also pretty proud of the album cover I made for the album, which I did Friday night while organizing the album titles and added Sweet Life (A track only on their YouTube channel). I'll insert the album cover because I'm obsessed with my handiwork and also my YouTube video of my reaction of the album. NOTE: I didn't edit the base picture of Scott & Mitch, the ball pit picture which I love so much. I just superimposed the logo and matched the color of the album title and everything with the background from the picture I found through Google. But here ya go anyways.


My song in the NP was going to be Hurry Up! by Superfruit, because I kept singing it all day at work Friday, but I kept going back to Chester's song, especially today on my day off. After filming my complete reaction, I was so tired, so I headed to bed. And since I finished Queer As Folk, as I previously mentioned, I didn't know what to watch. I tried a few shows I'd never watched before, then opted for HTGAWM Season 3 rewatch, but I wasn't feeling it. I guess I was too damaged by my loss of Queer As Folk haha. So I just started replaying it again. I know, I'm trash. But what else is new?

Then I woke up and headed to work. But I woke up from the weirdest dream. Literally, the weirdest. I had a dream that I was a Power Ranger (super dork, I know) and it was set during this sort of post-apocalyptic world where Rangers were the sources of power in the country, whether it be political, social, or otherwise. Basically, if you weren't a Power Ranger, you weren't worth anything. Apparently, it got this way because a lone Ranger decided that normal mortals were beneath them, and they rose through the ranks until the world became post-apocalyptic and they affirmed their seat of power. Anyway, there was a rogue group of Rangers, desperately trying to restore order to the world, and give power back to those that deserved it, and needed it. I was a part of the Rogue Rangers. Anyways, so it was my job to sneak into this Power Rangers base, right. And this thing was guarded by some of the strongest Rangers that had ever morphed. And I had to sneak on, without morphing, to retrieve some type of device or something or other that was the source of this tyrannical leader Ranger's powers of success. So I made it through this entire weird obstacle course, Great Wall of China-looking base, and met up with a small group of fellow Rouge Rangers at the rendezvous point, which was the power device we needed to acquire. Well, the leader of the Rogue Rangers? Was my Tumblr crush haha. This guy that I think is super cute that I follow on Tumblr (He's also a fellow Swiftie, but I'm trash where he's health, so there's literally nothing there, but I can still dream). I don't even know his real name, but I digress. He was the leader of the Rogue Rangers and he said "We have to get this right." And wouldn't you know it, one of the Elite Rangers popped up, intent on stopping us from getting the device. She morphed, and her suit was very reminiscent of the Yellow Mighty Morphin Ranger, but the suit looked different and the helmet was as well, and I attempted to morph but she knocked me off the ledge we were on. The rest of the Rogue Rangers scattered, and my Tumblr crush rushed to my aid and said "We have to get out of here. The rest of the world will die along with us if we let them win." And I remember running with him to safety and I woke up. I know, it's weird. But honestly, it was kind of everything. I've always wanted to be a Power Ranger.

Anyway, now that I'm done embarrassing myself, work wasn't too bad yesterday. I also did routine. Capping and all. It was a pretty good day. Nothing really major happened. Oh, I forgot to mention, on Thursday, after the blow up with AP, I skipped the morning meeting Thursday. I had a lot of work to do anyway, with the markdown thing going on, so it was all well. Apparently nothing was said. They didn't even do the cheer that morning. Petty. Anyways, Friday was good. I got to do my thing, helped out a couple people, Morgan was at Academy, so I helped with price changes. All in all, it was a good day. 

There was a new sneak peak at a behind the scenes video for Taylor's LWYMMD video, so that was fun. But as soon as I got home, I had to get to work editing the Superfruit video, so that's all I did. By the time I was done, Jessie was here. As was my cousin Taylor, so we all hung out for a few. They were gonna play Monopoly, and wanted me to join, but when they left to get Taylor's brother, they weren't back at 10, and home girl was TIRED. So I ended up going to bed and falling asleep almost instantly. I found out later that they didn't even play, and Taylor ended up going home, so all was well.

But sleeping didn't go so well for me. Firstly, I kept on waking up thinking that I had to work because that's how hard I was sleeping. I was so tired from trying to stay up to hang out with my cousins, and it just fucked with for some odd reason. Then, I had two terrifying, weird, nightmares. Well, the first one wasn't so weird. I had this dream where these people were breaking into the house. But like it started outside, where I was like with my grandparents and they pulled up in this truck and suddenly we were inside. And then the next thing I knew, one of the girls is in the house and she pulls a gun, and I start running. I mean, I booked it. I remember running in zig zags, so they couldn't get a good aim on me, and I ran through the yard and the church (I live next door to a church, ironic, I know) and heading towards the road, but there were no cars. I woke up in a flourish. I rose up off my bed a little bit. Because what scared me the most was the first shot the girl made. I felt the bullet graze my thigh, and it really fucked me up. I reluctantly went back to sleep and had an equally scary but much more weird dream. In this one, I was back at my Lake Lane house with my mom and I had a sister? Which is weird, because I only have a brother, but ya know, dream logic. Anyways, she had this boyfriend that could morph into a snake? Did I mention that it was a weird dream? Anyway, her boyfriend was the guy who plays Josh on Being Human, a show I only watched half of the first episode of, and he morphed into half snake, half man and, like, injected his tail into my "sister" and said she was impregnated with hybrid snake-human babies that would kill her from the inside out, then we locked him in a room. I went running because I'm terrified of snakes, and he morphed into a snake and chased me out of the house, and outside, until I felt my body giving up, screaming for my mom, and right before the snake got to me, I woke up.

I was so freaked out, I had to get out of the house. I checked the time, it was only seven in the morning. But I was freaked the fuck out. I got in my car, and drove. I ended up getting some breakfast at McDonalds, and was still reeling from how those dreams got to me. It was just a really weird situation.

I came home, did some writing, then decided to play some Mario Kart 8 Deluxe (I blame Joe for his recent Let's Play of it), and that's all I've done all day, besides bingeing some Try Guys videos, and the Buzzfeed Queer Prom videos, which literally melted my ice heart. Then Jessie say my genius snapchat of Waluigi in slow-motion with the track in the NP playing haha. I think I'm literally so funny. Anyway, she came in and we played a few rounds of Mario Kart. All in all, a good way to spend my day off. Just next time, hold the slasher movie / snake humanoid dreams, okay?

Not exactly a demon but probably a descendant of one,

-- Jesse

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

And That's Putting It Loose Leaf

| Now Playing: Garden by Dua Lipa |

Used to walk around your apartment,
Nothing but a smile on me.
But tonight I'm so self conscious,
Isn't it so clear to see?
Nothing's ever perfect in paradise,
Don't know what it's worth 'til you pay the price,
When you bite your tongue does it draw blood?

So are we leaving, this Garden of Eden?
Are we leaving, this Garden of Eden?
Now I know, what I know,
But it's hard to find a meaning.
Where do we go, 'cause we don't,
Believe in this Garden of Eden.
_____________________________________________________

The past few days since my last blog have been pretty weird, I guess. Just weird, really. Sunday was wonderful, because I was still off. I got a little bit of writing done, but not too much. After writing almost the entire weekend I had off, I was sort of more than creatively drained. But getting 25 pages done over the course of three days is a feat nonetheless.

I also finally got to get together with Benzo on Sunday, and it was much needed. After she got off work, we met up at the usge, good ol' Alejandro's. We had a great time, and the food of course was hella good so we kept on dancing. The title of this blog also comes from out time together, as I'm hilarious and said this when retelling to her about work. But it's also fitting, seeing as how work went on Tuesday. I'm literally just hilarious is the moral of the story.

Work on Monday, was actually pretty amazing. And given how the setup to work began, that's a miracle. Sunday night, I couldn't sleep. I was nervous about going into work because I had called out, and no matter the just reason, I felt guilty for not being there. I guess that's just the person that I am. I didn't fall asleep until around 3:30 in the morning, and considering I have to be up at 6 for work, it just was awful. Heading into work was rough, super rough. I was so tired, and on top of all the worries I had, it was just a lot to deal with. But like I said, the day ended up being pretty great. I actually was able to follow routine and just had a really good day. But my ear acted up. It's important to note here that my ear didn't bother me ALL WEEKEND. But as soon as I get back to work? Intense ear pain, throbbing pain. It was so intense. I've really got to get this checked out.

We also have a new Co at the store. Dennis, and he's awesome. That was mainly presented on Tuesday. We were called to an early meeting to be told that we had to move BTS, take it to L&G, and then set the rest of Halloween. A mess. Literally, we weren't in out departments from the rest of the day. Literally until 4. But we were out of fixtures, and within ten minutes, Dennis had us some. I have a really good feeling about him. He's super great. I actually had to take the helm of BTS / Halloween project because there was just no direction going on and we needed to get it done. So I took on that role, and it turned out pretty good.

When I got off work, I filmed a new reaction video. I had the idea to react to someone I've never listened to, so I decided to react to Dua Lipa's debut album. She's been really popular on Tumblr, so I figured what the hick, why not. And I was impressed. Here's my video, if you'd like to watch it.


So there's me being the mess I usually am. But it was super fun to react to. Next up is Superfruit on Friday and I'm so excited! That's going to be so much fun. I absolutely love their music, and having another seven tracks to listen to is going to be hella good, so I'm sure I'll keep on dancing there as well.

Today was really good. Firstly, my time off got approved for Taylor Swift's album release! I'm super extra, I know, but to truly prepare myself, I need the day off. So thank God that's a real and true thing. Taylor would be proud haha.

And since I've been having such a hard time sleeping lately, after I got off work yesterday, I went straight to bed. Literally, right after dinner. I slept from 6:30 in the afternoon until 4:30 in the morning. THAT'S how tired I was. But I went ahead and stayed up once I got up this morning, because I had already slept for ten hours, so I figured I should get up for the day. I'm so sad though because I finished Queer As Folk. I'M LITERALLY SO SAD. I cried during the ending, even though I've seen it multiple times before. I just can't. Queer as Folk is such a damn good show. I just finished the last episode while I was doing my boosts for taylorswift.com after dinner tonight.

Then I caught the Nintendo Direct, literally nothing exciting but more info on UltraMoon and Mario Odyssey, but there ya go. No news on Smash, super annoyed at that. But that's about it. Oh, I also sort of talked to Dennis today about my feelings, the ones I've been trying to talk to Seanathan Michael lately (That's his new name, per me). I felt so relieved to get it off my chest, but I don't know what's going to happen with it. Probably nothing, but we shall see. Oh. And Bitch. I got selected to do the cheer this morning, and it went poorly. It was AP (I won't even bother saying her name) who kept egging me on, and I was like no, I'm not doing it. I just don't feel comfortable being put on the spot in front of a large group of people. That literally sets my anxiety on fire, and she was gasoline dangling over the flame. She pulled me aside after the meeting and said "you WILL do it next time." Not a chance, I'm not putting myself in that sort of situation. So yeah, that happened.

I'm gonna chill out for the rest of the night, maybe try and watch Big Brother, if I can.

Leaving loosely,

-- Jesse

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Writer's Retreat

| Now Playing: Out Loud by Gabbie Hanna |

I still taste your presence,
Once sweet but it turned sour.
Tried to shake your indifference,
But it's too late now.
I hear you in the quiet,
I see you when I'm in the dark.
You just couldn't fight for this,
But it's not your fault.

Say what you mean, out loud,
Drowning in silence, when I'm lost in the crowd.
'Cause every sweet thing you never speak,
Is deafening, never knowing what could be.
Wish I could show you how,
But you're just a ghost now.
_____________________________________________________

Let's be real. I haven't really been listening to anything but ...Ready For It? since it came out the other night, but I fell in love with Gabbie Show's (It's literally so weird to type her real name, I always refer to her as Gabbie Show) song that she dropped. Plus, I love the idea that the song was constructed from her content from her upcoming book. That's such a cool concept. I might even have to look into reading Adultolescence. Back to the normal trash. I'm also writing this like I did the last blog, in installments during the actual day in which said events occurred.

Heading back to work after being off on Wednesday wasn't too bad. I still didn't want to go, because I just had a feeling that it was going to be one of those days. I suppose that's why I got up early enough to get myself some of that good good. By which I mean McDonald's breakfast. After jamming out to ...Ready For It? on a consistent loop, I headed into work. My first mistake. I was really feeling good, and ready to take on the day. But a couple of department managers called out, which is totally fine, but since we don't have other associates, i.e., people in the departments that can help out us DM's, to cover their areas when they are away. Which is why I knew it was going to be an interesting day. My third eye, per usge, proved victoriously clairvoyant. I was helping Morgan run back and forth to Sporting Goods all morning. Plus, there was something about the people today, Lord Jesus above, formerly of the Cross. I swear. There must have been irritation swimming in the air. But anyways. C'est la vie.

My ear was also super bothering me. Before the morning meeting, I literally had to clutch on to my cart to keep from losing both my balance and my consciousness. It's getting worse. So so much worse. I can only assume it's getting more and more exacerbated by the happenings at work, but I just don't know how much longer I'm going to have my hearing. And that simple fact, that actual possibility, scares the living shit out of me. I was thinking about it the other night, and it brought me to tears. That's something that could actually happen if I don't get this stress under control and this ear problem under control. I could lose my hearing.

Moving on, the customer I dealt with during Pick Up today? Nightmare. Total nightmare. Not to mention that it almost took me an entire hour to settle the thing. Let's just say that buying display TVs are a pain, especially when the markdown labels don't work. And then add that with a wandering customer, it's just a mess. But the day wasn't too bad overall, my ear was just really really bothering me. Like it really never has before. Normally, when it bothers me, it bothers me and then I pop it back into place, through painful procedures, and it's done. But today, it throbbed after I popped it back into place. Throbbed throughout the rest of the day. And while it wasn't extremely painful, but it was so uncomfortable, I couldn't focus. So that was weighing on my mind all day long. And, because I had the Trend Pod mods to set, I stayed until 5:30. Plus, I really needed to be able to see Skyler and give him proper direction. All in a days work, I suppose.

Right before I went on lunch, Taylor Swift dropped some videos that she did with AT&T. Thank God I switched a while ago. I'm so glad I have the service that she drops all this new and behind the scenes content haha. But they were pretty cute videos. Well, because of these videos, the Tix site for taylorswift.com has changed. Now, you can watch both of the AT&T videos for a boost. Ten views per day. So I thought I was getting a bunch more boosts, since the lyric video and music video for LWYMMD can be viewed up to 20 times a day. But they scalped the views down to 10 views per day for each video, leaving the grand total of views for all four videos to 40, which was the amount total for the two videos before. I know I sound like a crazy person, being this obsessed with boosts and shit, but I just really want good seats to this tour. I have a feeling that this tour, this album is going to be the best thing ever for me, especially for bringing me through the darkest bit of my depression that's been forming like algae around my heart lately.

After getting all my boosts in, it was time for Big Brother. And since my TV is still fighting me over control, I found a great livestream of the episode. I missed Wednesday's episode, but the recap on tonight's episode caught me up. And girl, it was fucking intense. They blindsided Jason, and he was PISSED. Alex was PISSED. It was PISSED. And like, emotional, because Christmas and Josh were crying during the breaking tie vote, which I said to myself the other day would be the best way to vote, so kudos to me for being a Big Brother genius strategizer. Then, since it was Double Eviction night, they voted Raven out instead of Kevin! WHAT?! I was SHOCKED. I have no idea what's going to happen now. There's an eviction on both Wednesday and Thursday next week, and then it's the final. So I'm hoping for Christmas, Alex, and Paul. But if they don't blindside Paul, it's his, he has it. He's played such a smart, incredible, genius game all summer. I fucking love Big Brother.

And then there was Friday. My ear was still really bothering me, and it was making me feel like absolute garbage, so I ended up taking the day off. I really hated to do it, but I was so tired and my ear was just keeping me up all night. Anyways, if I was going to have the day off and not be at work, I was determined to make it worth it, by getting some writing done. So I got up, made a pot of coffee, and I got to work. And man, I'm so glad I did. I wrote a whopping twelve pages! It was all this flashback scene that I really didn't know how to get right, but just diving right in seemed to have worked the best. It's so good. This second book, on a content level, is just surpassing the first one, and I absolutely adore the first book haha. This one is just so much more laser focused and outright. It's all going according to plan.

After working on the book for about five hours or so, I proceeded to just chill and watch some Queer As Folk. I'm on Season 4 now, and admittedly almost done. All that's left is Season 5 and I'll feel the heartbroken blues yet again over finishing another series during a rewatch. And then once it was late enough in the day, I worked on my boosts for taylorswift.com. Also! They had a couple of items on "backorder" which I was like what the hell is that. But it's letting you have items that were sold out. And one of them was the Rep hat! So obviously, I splurged and got it because I'm Taylor Swift trash.

Other than that, the day has been pretty lax. It was Taylor's birthday (My cousin, not the acclaimed artist of my heart), and she was supposed to come over with Nikki around 8, but that ended up not happening. So maybe we'll end up doing something for her on Saturday.

I woke up today, and immediately worked on making today a repeat of yesterday on the writing front. Got my coffee, got my music, and got to work. I'm so damn proud of myself for the work I've gotten done on writing these past few days. 12 pages yesterday and another seven done today, it's been amazing. I'm just super proud of myself for getting so much done since I did miss work yesterday. I'm glad I'm making the most of my time. I even typed up everything that I got done yesterday too. I've been a busy little writing bee. It seems like almost all I've done since my last blog is write, and I'm so damn glad that's been my reality for the past few days. Writing has always been my sanctuary, so it's been nice to have a little retreat from reality and getting into what truly makes me happy, and that's writing.

I took a little break to go get gas, before we possibly get any of this Hurricane Irma weather and prices go up even higher. Even though gas is already at two and half dollars. After helping these sweet people at the pump who were having some trouble, I got my gas and headed back home. Then I was energized to get some more writing done. Then after dinner, I ended up typing up what I had done yesterday and then I've been working on my boosts for taylorswift.com. I'm probably just going to watch Queer As Folk for the rest of the night haha. One more day of this wonderful weekend left, and then it's back to reality (oop, there goes gravity). I plan on getting some more writing done tomorrow, so let's hope that dream comes to fruition.

Retreating to the sanctuary of writing,

-- Jesse