Sunday, January 14, 2018


| Now Playing: Supernova by Ansel Elgort |

I feel like Atlas, I got my back stretched
You wanna grab this, you don't understand this
I keep it oppressed, work on my realness
Reading my manifest, I'll address your request.
I've been waking up drenched in sweat,
All my dreams full of my regret.
I keep hearing what my mother said,
Eyes are open, all I see is red.

I met you in California,
You told me you loved him in Georgia.
Your heart's in the ground frozen over,
My heart's in the sky, supernova.
I met you in California,
You told me you loved him in Georgia.
Your heart's in the ground frozen over,
My heart's in the sky, supernova.

Quite the ending to the week, I have to say. Actually, it's been pretty damn incredible! Work was just fantastic. I can't explain how much difference that one hour makes haha. It's really dumb, but it's true.  So as far as that goes, it's been pretty great. Plus, I was able to sort of get ahead of the game as far as the rest goes, by prepping and preparing the back wall, so all that needs to be done when I go on overnights is worry about the rest of the department. Speaking of overnights, that's happening tonight. I'm still kind of weary about it all, I don't know why. But I guess we'll just have to see how that goes. 

But the best part of this blog will be about this weekend, specifically Saturday into Sunday. As I mentioned in my last blog, I asked Allen if he wanted to get dinner this weekend. Well we were talking about it Friday, and I asked him if he had anywhere specific that he wanted to go. He mentioned this place I've never heard of before in Roanoke, called Carlos Brazilian, and let me just tell you, it was amazing. Before the amazing food though, Allen mentioned he was probably going to dress up a little bit, and said we should do it together. So I thought, why not? I don't have any real dressy clothes, but a bitch works with what she has. I paired my purple button up shirt, wearing one of my faves, my lavender t-shirt, underneath, and then I asked my grandma if I could borrow a tie from my grandpa. I don't even own a tie, and the only time I've ever worn one was when I was in my dad's wedding and that was only because I had to wear a tie. So essentially, this was my first time. I just wanted to go out of my comfort zone a little bit, sticking to this plan to push myself out of that zone this year, and go all out. So that's what I did. We made plans to meet at the restaurant at 5, so a little pit stop getting gas, and I was on my way.

Mr. Grey will see you now...

The entrance to this restaurant? Insane. First of all, you can't even see the restaurant from the road. And since I had never been here, I was like, what the hell is going on haha. It has this massive hill of an entrance, like you have to drive up the really steep hill to even get there, but after we got in the restaurant, I saw why. So anyway, I got there super early, because I didn't know how long it would take me to get gas or how bad the traffic was going to be. He pulled up, I got out of the car and his first thing was "You're wearing a tie!" haha. I honestly figured he was going to wear a tie as well, but he wasn't, so I joked that I was "upstaging" him haha. We kissed, and then headed into the restaurant. 

Bitch, this restaurant? Gorge. I mean, it was a little overwhelming and more than a little breathtaking. It looks so fancy and so nice and so glamour, I was like "Well, I don't feel the least bit overdressed in a place like this so thank God I wore the tie." Allen agreed, and said he'd wished he'd worn one if he knew it was going to be so extravagant. So we get seated, and aside from the sun being just a smudge annoying, the view, bitch, the view. It was absolutely gorgeous. The reason this place is on a hill was obvious when you looking out from the dining room and saw the mountains lit up from the sun and all the various eateries and places to shop down Electric Road, it was just stunning. It was just a really romantic setting that I don't think either one of us was prepared for or expecting. But it was absolutely beautiful.

The view from Carlos Brazilian

We ended up ordering one of the specials for the night, New York strip steak covered in a (I think) cabernet type wine black peppercorn sauce that was literally, to die. Literally, I can't even describe how good it was. But both of us were dipping our vegetables and potatoes in it, that's how good it was. So while we're eating, and obviously we've been having great conversation after this, but he starts to bring something up. Now, going into this date, I'll admit I was a little nervous. Mainly because I've been wanting to talk to Allen about making us official, if we both we're ready for that of course. And I even submitted the inquiry to Sam & Joe on their podcast, which they answered, and just said to talk about it. So I wanted to bring it up during dinner, but really wasn't sure how to. Well, Allen starts with saying that he's going to have to move back to Richmond. Hearing those words, I was a little crushed and sad, because I didn't know what else the conversation was going to entail. I was sort of scared that it meant everything with us was over, and I didn't know how to feel. But after explaining everything, and I totally 100% understand why he has to move back, I felt a little better. Which led him into his next topic, which was us. He said he didn't know where my head was at as far as us, especially with the fact that he'll be moving over three hours away in July, but was wondering about being official. I told him that it's perfect timing, because I was wondering about us and being official as well, and he said that it was okay if I needed more time. I said I didn't need more time, and that it didn't bother me that he was going to be moving away, because I think he's worth it, and I want us to be official. So that settled that and we're officially dating! It feels really good to be in a good place not only in my dating life, but also my general life? Like work hasn't been getting to me lately, I've actually genuinely enjoyed work here lately, and I just feel really good about life right now. It's so weird, because as soon as I realized that we were still seeing each other, the fact that he's moving in a few months doesn't bother me at all. Like, sure, I'd love for him to be closer, but that just means I'll have a fun little road trip to see him haha. I just can't accurately describe how much I like this guy, and how easy it is to be myself around him, and how aligned a lot of the things we want out of life are. Him moving back doesn't make me second guess my feelings at all.

Back to dinner. He got us a bottle of riesling for us to enjoy with our meal. Equal parts sweet wine and dry wine, so it was the perfect balance for both of us haha. We talked a lot about our families, and about coming out, and just the early parts of our lives, so that was really wonderful to get to know each other and all that. We talked about getting some drinks somewhere else, so we could still talk and see each other, so we headed to Applebees over at Tanglewood, and had a good time. Except our waitress was really frustrating, but I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt since we didn't order any food, just drinks, but I low-key think she forgot about us. And I had to stop someone else to get the check. So then he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place and watch a movie or something, so we left Applebees and headed to his place. It was there that I finally gave him his gift (which is a reason he said he didn't mind and wanted to pay for our very expensive meal, like crazy expensive) and when I finally gave it to him, his mouth dropped. He just stared at it for the longest time, jaw dropped, saying "Oh my god" and all that haha. It was great to see how happy he was written all over his face. He showed West and was like "It's from my favorite musical!" and then Allen said "Well, you definitely listen well" haha. We shared a kiss and then headed to his room for a little bit, where we kissed some more, and he asked if I wanted to watch a movie or play a board game with West, so we ended up playing Clue with West, which was hilarious. Of course, Allen was Miss Scarlet, go figure, I was my main bitch Patty Peacock. Anyway, it didn't last long because Allen guessed it correctly, but it went over both of our heads, so West was laughing at us haha. We then played Life, and West mentioned he wasn't ready for the amount of Suburban White Mom jokes Allen was going to make, which is funny because Allen was ready to go Suburban White Mom on our waitress at Applebees, saying his Helen was about to come out, so I joked that my Diane would come out, so there's that haha. But Life was a lot of fun, even if I did have FOUR different jobs, go to college TWICE, and lose my job twice, but ya know, life. 

Then we settled down in the bedroom, watching Once On This Island. Half the production he was in in high school, which was super cute to see him in, and then half a bigger production in the Philippines. But it was pretty good, even if it does have some very Disney qualities haha. Then we settled down, got a little hot and heavy, and that was very good haha. We woke up the next morning, and Allen asked me if he could post on Facebook about us being in a relationship, to which of course I said yes, and immediately Faith Rose and Morgan blew my phone up, and people on Facebook did as well haha. Also, a side note that during Life last night, Allen referred to me as his boyfriend, and that felt so damn good. 

And then I came home, albeit very reluctantly and after a lot of kisses from Allen, to get ready to fuck my sleep up in accordance with me starting my week of overnight tonight. I fell asleep around 11:30, and slept all the way through until a little bit after four, so a bitch is well rested, if still not ready for this week. I'm prayed it won't be that bad, and I don't think it will be, I'm just not ready for my body to be under such conditions, ya know? I also recorded and posted both my reactions to Troye's My My My! and the End Game music video, so that happened. I'm waiting on Camila's album, because I want to have the time for it, and so that's why a Camila song isn't in the NP haha. But I do love me some Ansel Elgort music, he always brings the fire. But anyway, we'll see how it goes over the next four days. 

Officially happy,

-- Justin

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Cherry Bombshell

| Now Playing: Filthy by Justin Timberlake |

Haters gon' say it's fake
So real
Haters gon' say it's fake
So real
Haters gon' say it's fake
So real
All my haters gon' say it's fake
I guess I got my swagger back

I said, put your filthy hands all over me
And no, this ain't the clean version
And what you gonna do with all that meat?
Cookin' up a mean servin'

No question, I want it
Fire up, everybody smokin'
Your friends, my friends
And they ain't leavin' till six in the morning (six in the morning)
Caught a chill, baby, you the coldest
Go far, put 'em on notice
If you know what I want, then yeah

Baby, don't you mind if I do, yeah
Exactly what you like times two, yeah
Got me singin', "ooh, ooh"
So baby, don't you mind if I do

Let's be real, I haven't really stopped listening to Camila Cabello since the night Benzo and I were listening to her in my car outside of Red Palace. BUT the only other song that's been lingering in my head, that's not Camila, is this new jam by Justin. It's weird, even for him. But I digs it.

This work week is literally the best thing ever. Why? I'm so glad you asked. So they're cutting hours at work because I guess it's about to be the start of our fiscal year and they need to cut whatever they can while they still can, so we're only working 7-3 this week, and ya girl ain't mad at it. I mean, yeah, it sucks to be losing the five hours for the whole week, but honestly, with the holidays so fresh in our minds, and definitely mine, I'm enjoying the break. Even if it is for one week only. It's so crazy what a difference that one hour makes. But like I said, I ain't mad at it.

This has also weirdly been a busy week for me, in a very different way. So I've sort of been stumbling on plotting out chapter nine of Book Two since the last blog, but today, I finally got that squared away. But before any of this squaring away, I was thinking about other things that occupy my mind. So, my main goal for 2018 is to finally get my own place with Benzo. This is half fueled by me just genuinely wanting my own place, and yearning for that for myself, but also half fueled by there just being way too many people here at my grandparents. Seven people sharing one bathroom is literally too much. As a creature of fleeting solitude, when it gets to be too many people, I just retreat inward, and while that's not exactly idea, it's what happens. I'll say that again. Seven people. I literally feel like I'm living my reality tv star life and I'm about to make it on the latest season of The Real World. But I've actually made some headway in actually transitioning to getting my own place.

First step? Get my car payment at a cheaper price. I'm just paying way too much for what I have, especially when factoring in the missing features my car doesn't have because it was a demo model, but ya know. So I fell in love with this beautiful black Kia Forte LX, and I really, I mean really, want it. So I did some research as far as what my car is worth, and all that jazz starring Velma Kelly, and actually drove down to the Kia place to see what my options are. They said I could do it, but the lower payment thing might not happen. The wonderful Mr. Darby was supposed to email me back (after we emailed through my inquiry on the website about said car) after talking to the Used Car manager, but I never heard from him. I'm gonna email him in the morning, to see if he just got busy and forgot to contact me, but I'm not going to give up that easy. If I can't get this Forte that I've literally fallen in love with, I'm going to head to Hyundai and be like girl look. I'm struggling to justify this car payment, so I'm gonna need a better deal. I guess we'll just see how that goes as the week processes.

Second step? Finding affordable apartments for Benzo and I to move into. Now, there's a few apartments that I keep circling back to, but the apartments that would be ideal would be Carolina Forest. Bonsack lives there, and he confirms that this apartment is what I need. Everything, including electric, is included in the rent. That's what I had when I lived in Radford, and it was a true blessing. I tried calling the apartments when I got to the Kia place Tuesday, after failing to get an answer Monday, and she says there's no openings, even though Bonsack says people are leaving. But as coveted as those apartments must be, for the deal that they are, it's assumed that there's a waiting list. I was going to go down there today after work, but I just needed a chill day, to just relax, because it's been all business after work. I do it tomorrow, but I really needed today. I'm really dedicating myself to making this happen this year, and if I can get on the waiting list for Carolina Forest, it'll be worth it in the end.

After work Monday, one thing I did do, was get caught up on Riverdale. This is after Faith Rose and I were discussing it and she keeps calling Cheryl Blossom Cherry Bombshell haha. At first I was like, why can't you remember Cheryl Blossom!? But going back, they actually call her that once or twice on the show, so it's justified. Anyway, I bought the second season pass on iTunes and got caught up on my beautiful Apple TV. Then last night, I bought the first season and watched that as I slept haha. It's just been a very Riverdale centric past few days to be Pocahonest. Plus, Faith Rose was talking about cutting and dyeing her hair like Veronica Lodge, sort of like how I went black for Veronica haha, so even more Riverdale influence here.

Veronica Lodge. noun, /ver-ohn-ick-uh~laa-dge/
1. actual goddess. 2. great hair, great style.
3. specialty: ice. 4. better than you.

Another thing that's happened is I've gotten back into the Sims. Sims 4 is literally so incredible, and I've spent so much money on all the packs and everything, so it was needed. But after transferring most of my stuff from my old laptop (except for some grown up versions of my Wrangler Generation 4 babes) I decided I was going to create a whole new lineage, rivaling that of my extensive work on the Wranglers, and equalling my insane love for the Sim that I created that started it all: my beloved Weiley Wrangler. So I created this new Sim, Homer. Homer Forte, to be exact. I'm on this name quick where I want really old names (we can blame Riverdale for that latest craze in my head), and his last name is similar to Weiley's because it's a car I really want. So that's why he's Homer Forte. He met his future wife, Sofia Bjergenson, who I later renamed Talvinder Pace, outside a karaoke bar haha. And thus began the love story of Homer Forte and Talvinder Pace. I love them so much. Literally any character I create, I just fall in love with. They moved into Homer's Culpepper apartment, after she miraculous became his new neighbor across from him, and they just had their first son today after work, little Ambrose Harrison. I know this is literally the least interesting thing I've ever written about, but I just get really invested okay? Haha. Maybe it's the writer / creator in me, so sue me.

Homer & Talvinder, literal soulmates, and the best soon-to-be
parents there ever was.

To wrap this blog up, I'll leave with a few things that happened Sunday. So firstly, I asked Allen out on a date, like a real one to mimic our first one, for this weekend so I can see him, and also so I can give him his present that I got him during Post-Christmas, so I'm excited for that to happen, and honestly, just to see him in general. Don't get me wrong, I needed to get the writing that I got done last weekend done, but I really want to see him this weekend haha. The last thing I wanted to share was this picture of me. Now for those who are close to me and truly know me, know that I don't ever, and I mean ever, take a picture of myself smiling with teeth. I just don't think that I look good with a toothy smile, so I usually don't do it. But I shared this picture on Snapchat, and people seemed to like it, so here's that to archive. I still have conflicts in regards to it. One minute, I really love it. Then I hate it. And back and forth and back and forth.

Twitter & Instagram: @JesseGrey_

I've got to record SO MUCH as far as videos go this week. Troye Sivan's new single comes out tonight, Camila's album comes out Friday, and Taylor just announced today on The Swift Life that the End Game music video is coming out tomorrow. So my youtube channel (Jesse Grey on YouTube, gotta get that promo) is gonna be fairly active here soon haha. Let's hope the rest of this blissful 7-3 work week goes as well as the start of it. Because it's really just put me in the best of moods for work.

A bombshell for this easy, cherry-flavored work week,

-- Justin

Saturday, January 6, 2018


| Now Playing: Never Be The Same by Camila Cabello |

Something must've gone wrong in my brain,
Got your chemicals all in my veins.
Feeling all the highs, feeling all the pain,
Let go of the wheel, it's the bullet lane.
Now I'm seeing red, not thinking straight,
Blurring all the lines, you intoxicate me.

Just like, nicotine, heroin,
Morphine, suddenly,
I'm a fiend and you're all I need.
All I need, yeah, you're all I need.

It's you, babe,
And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe.
And I could try to run but it would be useless,
You're to blame.
Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never be the same.
It's you, babe,
And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe.
And I could try to run but it would be useless,
You're to blame.
Just one hit of you, I'll never ever ever be the same.

So wow, this blog is super late. Super late meaning that I didn't even post one on Wednesday. I've been sick ever since late Monday / early Tuesday, so I don't really know what happened, but it's been a struggle dealing with it as we welcome 2018 to reality. I was gonna post this on Thursday, but I was feeling awful, so bad, and I decided against doing one on Friday since I usually post on Saturdays anyways, I figured I would wait.

2018 started off better than any year I've ever experienced. I know I posted my last blog on Sunday, but the best night of the year (literally) was later that night. I knew that Allen and I had planned on getting together for something for New Years Eve, as we had talked about on Christmas, but I had no idea what. So as I mentioned in the last blog, they were wanting to go to the Park for New Year's, and I was actually really excited about going. I was putting off any sort of nerves about it because I was like you know what? I'm going with friends I really enjoy, with this guy that I really like, and so what if I can't really dance? Who cares if they'll judge me or look at me weird? It's not about them, it's about me enjoying my New Year's and I was determined to make that happen. And I did.

So Allen texted me around 5ish or so that I could come up whenever I liked, so I started getting ready. And after getting ready fairly quickly, I headed out, and I didn't traipse all over creation looking for a certain type of liquor haha. I actually had a bottle of some sweet red wine that my grandma said she had bought and I could take up there with me if I liked. So I took it with me. And when I got to Allen's place, it was just him and me. I knew that West was still back visiting family, and Allen told me that Amanda and CJ were going to be there at 8, so we had a couple hours to ourselves. And we spent them just talking, listening and dancing to music from New Rules to Havana to Tell Me You Love Me, drinking the sweet red that I had brought with me, and just enjoying each other's company. We laughed and drank and danced and it was just a really wonderful moment. So after some car trouble and after being over an hour of when they said they were gonna be there haha, Amanda and CJ joined us, only for us to head out the door. Mind you, I was already fairly drunk at this point. Not like stumbling drunk, but one step from that peg on the ladder. After drinking the sweet red that I brought, I kept taking a swig of Allen's Heineken (gross, btw) just so I could still be drunk when we got to the Park haha. But he reminded me that he had that bottle of moscato he had bought for me to enjoy, so we had started drinking that, so ya girl was litty committee while we were in the car. The highlights of this car ride include Amanda and I rapping hardcore to Only by Nicki Minaj haha.

Once some parking issues were resolved, we headed in to the Park. And it was pretty packed. Not quite as bad as I was expecting, but still fairly busy to where you had to suck it in and shimmy around people to get through. But the first thing we did? Stand in the line there was to order drinks from the bar haha. We didn't, and certainly not I, wanted to lose our buzz we had going. So it was around 11 at this point, and I had already spotting two people I knew. Chris from work and Jay, who I used to work with at ABC. I had totally forgotten that his roommate worked at the Park, it hadn't even crossed my mind. Surprisingly? I didn't let the fact that people I knew were there get to me. I was worried that something like that would make me not want to dance, or be really self-conscious, but I wasn't having it. Like I said, I was determined to have a good time.

After finally getting our drinks (finally here means we waiting far too long in line for them), we headed to the dance floor. I honestly don't even remember what was playing, but we just started dancing, having a good time. Oh, and I downed my entire drink in like thirty seconds. Ya girl was Kristen Wiig during the plane scene of Bridesmaids. Ready to parrrrrtyyyyy! So that's what happened. The music was good, but I really wanted some Taylor. And then? A drag queen performed a number to motherfucking ...Ready For It? bitch. I. Was. LIVING. Like, yas queen! I was so here for it, you have no idea. So anyway, Allen and I are pretty inseparable at this point, just dancing off of each other, having a great time, and he's assuring me that I'm dancing perfectly fine haha. And since mawma was feeling her drink, I was honestly really getting into it. He just looked so sexy in his outfit, all dressed up, and God, he was fucking cute haha. I just....mmmm. Anyway, so then the time comes that the ball drops! And with everyone's energy around us, it was just really cool and such an experience, I can't even accurately describe it. It was incredible. And then the moment comes, the ball drops, and everyone screams HAPPY NEW YEAR and the live feed on the screen onstage, it was literally incredible. And then Allen and I start kissing, as balloons start dropping down from their previously secured nets in the ceiling and, ahhh, I just can't tell you how incredible it felt to be in that moment. And even looking back on it now, it seems so ethereal and surreal, like it happened to someone else because it felt like it was out of a movie.

So after the ball drops, the music starts going off, and we're dancing like crazy, Allen's determined for me to rip his clothes off because of how insanely sexy he's dancing against me that I catch myself biting my lip a few times. At some point, we went and got another round of drinks, and that one ended up a lot on my shirt haha. I was struggling. Then, again at some point, I saw Ruby from work and Wes, who used to work there, and their crew getting down, so that was nice. Jay also found me at some point and took a picture with me so he could show Amber Roop that he saw me haha. Allen and I just danced our little hearts out, and kept kissing so much that at one point, CJ was like 'Alright, we're gonna head outside, ya nasties', which was just hilarious haha. We headed back to Allen's place at around 1, and another highlight of the second car ride (aside from Amanda getting sick and we had to pull over) was Allen and I held hands the entire time. I know that's a small thing, and like literally so mushy or whatever, but I just really enjoyed that. I was just so thankful that he suggested that I come with them because I had such an amazing, exhilarating time that I couldn't thank him enough. I'm so proud of myself for putting myself out there, like I had said I wanted to do in the last blog, and just following through with not giving a single fuck what anyone thought about me. I just loved it.

The next morning, Allen and I were lazy, laying in bed together, watching vine compilations on his phone, both of us quoting them, which was just a silly, cute time haha. I asked him if he wanted to grab something to eat, so we headed over to Macado's. I ended up getting that damn southwest quesadilla that LunchCrew and I discovered that time we first went on lunch, and it was a good time. Plus, Allen said something that like, made me internally catch my breath? That's so dramatic, I know, but I was excited by it. He thanked me for paying and said he would get the next one when "you aren't dating such a peasant." The fact that he said we were dating, whichever definition you chose to use there, just made me stop a little. Because I so bad would like for us to be, like, official official, so I feel like hearing that was a step in the right direction.

I'm sorry I spent so long on New Year's haha. I just really wanted to chronicle that amazing moment in my life, and just really shed light on the ending of the year and what I hope this year has in store for me.

So sometime between Monday evening, I started to feel like I was getting sick. I low-key think it's because, even though it's super cold outside, there was a moment where I had my fans on, and then after laying in bed with them on me, I started to cough out of nowhere, and it felt like, this sounds dumb, but like it was because of how cold it was in here. I can't really describe it well, but you get the gist. So I turned the fans off, and thought nothing of it. Tuesday, I felt fine. Like I was getting sick, so I bought medicine to nip it in the bud, but otherwise fine. Wednesday morning? I woke up, and couldn't hardly head out of my right ear, aka my bad ear, aka always my right ear. I was pissed. I can handle the nose thing, I can handle the cough, but what I can't handle is not being able to hear. So I tried to play it off, but I ended up not being able to. Thursday I went into work, and my ear felt almost worse. More muffled, more palpable pressure in my ear, just awful. So after talking about everything over with Cheyenne, I decided that I was going to go to the urgent care place beside work, and just see what they said and if they could do anything for me.

Honestly, thank God I did. I don't know, and don't want to know, the kind of condition I would be in if I didn't. I went in and the doctor told me that I had Eustachian tube dysfunction, where the tub that allows me to hear is blocked off from the sinus pressure, or whatever kind of pressure. I looked it up and the diagrams on it are dead on, I'm just so tried of having my ear cause so much problems. Anyway, so she told me to lay off the decongestant and the DayQuil I was taking, because it was raising my blood pressure, and to lay off the nasal spray I was religiously using. She prescribed me Flonase, which I've never used before, and it's been a miracle drug. Literally. She said to take it for three to four days, and if it wasn't working, she prescribed me some prednisone to take with it. So I was really frustrating Thursday night, I had just taken the Flonase, which was only once a day to take, which was also frustrating, and I just wanted to feel better. After lazily dozing in and out of sleep because of how annoyed I was, I ended up going to bed super early. Like I fell asleep around 9:30. Cut to me waking up at 2:30, my ear in some of the worst pain in my life, can't breathe, just basically thinking I'm going to be up all night. But I fell back asleep, and when I woke up, I could hear. Not like, fully hear, like I could still feel the pressure, but it had relieved itself enough through the night that I could actually hear, and nothing was muffled anymore. Friday at work was a blessed day for that alone, I was so happy I could cry.

Another thing that happened was Thursday, the Christmas gift that I got Allen during Post-Christmas™️ finally arrived! I was super excited about it, and I'm still super excited to give it to him. I'm low-key kind of glad I've had the weekend to wait out giving it to him though because I want to add something to it, and I need to get paid for that to happen. I'll mention more on that when it actually comes to fruition haha. I've been so broke leading up to this coming up paycheck, it's been sad. But thank God Tuesday is coming up because ya girl is going through it.

And today's been a lovely day. I started up typing chapter eight of Book Two last night, and finished doing so this morning, so chapter eight is locked and loaded, which means I'm ready to get chapter nine started. I did some amazingly helpful scene plotting while at work on Friday (shout out to spontaneously creative bathroom breaks), so I have some foundation on where the chapter is going. But Benzo FaceTimed me, saying we were gonna get together after all because her mom gave her some money for us to eat and thus we got to hang out. Later in the day, after running an errand for my grandma, and needing to get out of the house because there's literally 18 people living here and I'm over it, we met up at Red Palace and got our asses some Chinese. It was so goodly, but I think she was over it haha. Honestly, low-key, I really miss Lin's House. That shit was amazing. But we had a good time. And we didn't have anywhere to go and no money to really do anything with, so we just hung out in my car, caught up on each other's lives, and laughed and had a good time. We also talked about how determined we are to get our shit together this year and get the place we've always wanted together. I really really want to be a better me this year, and I think she does to. And with so many people currently living where I'm at, I'm all the more eager to have my own place. Plus we listened to Camila Capello's three songs from her upcoming album on like a loop while looking for places to live and while I shortly browsed cars to trade in to lower my monthly payment haha. Fun was had by all.

Jesus, this was pretty long haha. Probably the longest blog I've done since recapping stopped. And I realize that this blog was mostly recapping, but a lot happened this week and I just needed it to be done haha.

Here's to 2018 throwing me more tee balls and less curve balls,

-- Justin

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Lightweight Lucy

| Now Playing: Adore by Dean Lewis |

I'm just gonna stand with my bag hanging off my left arm,
I'm just gonna walk home kicking stones at parked cars.
But I had a great night,
'Cause you kept rubbing against my arm.
So I'm just gonna stand with my bag hanging off my left arm.

Get me a drink,
I get drunk off one sip just so I can adore you.
I want the entire street out of town,
Just so I can be alone with you.
Now go when you're ready,
My head's getting heavy pressed against your arm.
I adore you.

I'm known as a right-hands slugger,
Anybody else wanna touch my lover?

Wow, the past few days have actually been pretty incredible. Laid back, euphoric, happy. I've just had a really good couple of days. So right after I got off work on Thursday, literally as I was getting in my car and plugging it up to my car, I got a text from Allen asking me if I wanted to come up and join him for dinner. Amanda and CJ were going to be there and I was elated. I was so ready for that. So I got my bearings and tried me best to shower and get ready before heading out to a specific gas station just so I could get my hands on some Boone's Farm Sangria. But like I had feared, they had stopped selling it. But what they did have were the 40oz Smirnoff Screwdrivers that I like so much, so I snatched three of those and headed up to Blacksburg.

It was honestly one of the most fun nights of my life. I got there, and everyone was there (even though West was still back home with family) and we started drinking. By the time dinner was ready, I was already getting pretty drunk, just from one of my drinks. But the dinner, my god. Allen made zucchini boats filled with chicken and garlic pesto and cheese and was hands down one of the best things I've ever had. It was so fucking good, and I was just salivating for more. So after that, and I was already drunk by the end of my first drink because in case it isn't apparent, I've really become a lightweight, I don't know how we came to this decision, but it was decided that we were going to be singing songs from musicals and basically performing them as a group haha. So an opening group number, two duets for the couples, solos for each of us, and a closing group number haha. It was so much fun! Allen and I sang Light My Candle, and it was, again, the most fun ever. Our closing number was Cinderella from the Cheetah Girls because we're the coolest people alive haha. God, that night was so amazing. Then around midnight, CJ and Amanda left (after bonding with CJ over quoting Spongebob episodes haha) and Allen and I had the place to ourselves. He's such an incredible guy, truly, and the more time I spend with him, the more I want to be around him. We had a great night together, just exploring our time together, and I just really like him a lot.

We had discussed the whole getting together for New Year's thing. They were getting together to go to the Park for New Year's Eve. And while that's not exactly my scene, and it makes me super anxious and nervous, I've decided that I want to go with them. I'm sort of tired of not putting myself out there, you know? I want to try new things, experience things I normally would shy away from. I want to push myself. But we were also going to go to the wine tasting, but on Saturday, Allen was really sick and couldn't do it, which I totally don't think mixing wine on his stomach like that would have been a good idea, so it all worked out. I'm hoping I get to see him today, even if we don't end up going to the Park. But if we do end up going to the Park, I'm all for it. I'm ready to break free from my terror and just let loose and be carefree about it.

Also, this is the last blog of 2017! Looking back, 2017 has been an absolutely crazy year for me. I started 2017 living with my mom, being back home with her and my brother, and that was a great experience. I was formatting my book, and editing, and it was a really stressful ordeal to undertake when living in a place that has no internet. Then, my book came out in May. And that still blows my mind? Like...I put out a book...a real book...and people can read it? That's still so crazy to me, and I'm so excited for what will happen with the book in 2018. The audiobook for Sever is coming really soon, so there's that, but who knows. Maybe some more dreams of mine can come true in 2018. Then, I changed departments at work in July. I got super sick just before that, and my ear problem was born. I still haven't seen a doctor about it, because, like last time, I'm about to go back on a week of overnights AGAIN in my department, so I can't go quite yet. I started blogging twice a week in July, and that's been a fun way to look back at my year, and see everything I've faced. I moved out of my mom's house in July, and back in with my grandparents. I survived Taylor Swift releasing an album this year when NO ONE thought she was going to. I got tickets to her tour. I met such a beautiful and wonderful guy over the holidays this year. I finally got a new computer, and an iMac, which i've always wanted.

It's just been a crazy year, specifically the past six months really. Ever since I released my book at the end of May, life has been in hyper drive and just super hectic and crazy. But honestly, the thing I'm most excited about as this year comes to a close is the fact that I'm in a better head space. Things were getting too dark in my head, as my earlier blogs can attest to, but I feel so much better now. I know what my goals are, I know what my focuses should be, and I want to work on being a better me. Fitter, healthier, wiser, smarter. I just want to be a better Justin. And 2018, you better fucking get ready for it.

Lightweight in libation but heavyweight in soul,

-- Justin