Saturday, November 18, 2017


| Now Playing: Don't Blame Me by Taylor Swift |

My name,
Is whatever you decide and.
I'm just gonna call you mine,
I'm insane but I'm your baby.
Of your name in my mind.
Halo hiding my obsession.
I once was poison ivy but,
Now I'm your daisy.

And baby, for you,
I would fall from grace,
Just to touch your face.
If you walk away,
I'd beg you on my knees to stay.

Don't blame me, love made me crazy
If it doesn't you ain't doing it right.
Lord save me, my drug is my baby
I'll be using for the rest of my life.
Don't blame me, love made me crazy
If it doesn't you ain't doing it right.
Oh Lord save me, my drug is my baby
I'll be using for the rest of my life.

I get so high,
Oh, every time your, every time you're loving me,
You're loving me.
Trip of my life,
Oh, every time you're, every time you're touching me,
You're touching me.
Every time you're, every time you're loving me.
Oh Lord save me, my drug is my baby
I'll be using for the rest of my life,
Using for the rest of my life.

SHOCKER. There's a new Taylor Swift song in the NP haha. Anyone reading this should just assume that that's going to be the case until all 15 songs from reputation are featured haha. I legit haven't listened to anything else but reputation, so it's valid. And let's give three cheers for the return of normal blog days! It's currently Saturday night, and I haven't written, or I guess posted, a Saturday blog in two weeks, so welcome back, Saturday. You've been reactivated.

Okay, so let's get this show on the road. So, firstly, as we know, my rep video didn't post on my blog, because it wasn't to be so difficult. But assuming my phone will cooperate, I'll post them individually here, or at least the ones that I've posted on my YouTube channel. I just posted the one for Getaway Car about an hour ago, so that's how far I've gotten haha. Both End Game and Don't Blame Me got blocked, but not removed, so no one can view them, and it pisses me off. But so far, I Did Something Bad, Delicate, and So It Goes... are still up. So hopefully that doesn't change. But like I said, if Blogger will allow it, I'll attach them here for anyone (me) who wants to see it. And it won't, so there's that.

So Thursday, was a day haha. I came in to 11 pallets of freight, even after fitting three whole pallets in my bins the day before. It's just getting so out of hand. And even though I suggested it a month ago, I finally got the go ahead to deactivate the department. Thank God. Because I'm getting so much freight it's absolutely insane. So since I got the go ahead on that, I started doing that. Mary Ann was helping me, but both of us were getting pulled in so many directions, it was taking forever just to do the two aisles we finished. Then it was lunch time and LunchCrew got together and went to Mexican, which of course was amazing. Shout out to Destiny Faith Rose for paying for my broke ass. And then I came back, and was told their was a safety meeting, so I printed out the mods like suggested, so I could scan them during the meeting. But it got cancelled, so I stayed in personnel and kept scanning and deactivating things. And I was doing it until 6:30. SIX THIRTY. And then I had some things to do in the department, so I was there until 7. My overtime gonna be right.

And then I came home and was gearing up for the night's shows. GIRL, GREYS!?? The last ten seconds really fucked me up. AND HTGAWM I CAN'T. It's just so good. And, something I forgot to mention in my last blog, I started talking to a guy?? Who am I? Haha, but for real, I started talking to him on Grindr like as I was leaving for Nashville, either the day I left, I think, or close therein, but we've been talking like every day sense then. I think after I got back from Nashville I gave him my number and we've texted every single day since then, plus Snapchat. I don't know. I don't wanna get my hopes up because of what happened the last time I was in a relationship, but I really like him. He's just a really cool, sweet guy, that doesn't live in a different state, and I don't know. He's just a really great guy. We're trying to coordinate a date, since he asked me out on one, but a bitch is broke, so we're trying to work around that haha. Probably after Black Friday and all the work hysteria that's about to happen during the next week. So yeah, haha. There's that. Three cheers to Allen for just being a sweetheart.

So moving on, after I wrapped up with Seanathan Michael Preston about why I was staying late and everything else going on at work, I headed home. My grandma was spending the night with her friend Ann up in Christiansburg, so there was that. Nikki got home around the same time that I did and she brought home food from Montano's, which is always bomb as fuck, I still can taste that bomb ass potato soup, it's so good.

Friday was spent dragging because I didn't sleep well because of staying up to watch the shows, and because I had no coffee to full load my preparation for the day. But it was a good day. I was working on price changes and trying to get any of the 15 pallets of overstock in my bins. I got rid of one pallet, but yeah. That's a lot of overstock. LunchCrew went to Zaxby's, where we had a lot of laughs and it was a good time. Shout out to Terry Risa for also paying for my broke ass haha. I love my babes. I came home and posted the So It Goes... reaction video, then just continued to watch That '70s Show while I got ready to sleep. I'm still on Season 5. It's just as slow of a burn as Season 4 was haha.

Woke up this morning, and got to sleep in and get some really, really, good sleep for once, so that was much appreciated. Then I made a pot of coffee and got to working on finishing chapter seven of Book Two, and I finally got it finished! I'm so glad because it's been so long since I've been able to sit down and write and have that time, and today just proved to me that I can still write the same amazing way that I have been, even if it's been a little while since I've been able to churn out some high quality writing. So that's super awesome. Then I listened to reputation pretty much all day, made friends with Jess that's super popular on Tumblr with the Swiftie fandom, bonded, and she shared that she loves my videos! So crazy haha. I Did Something Bad has 17K views!? WHAT THE FUCK. And Perez Hilton, who I didn't know had an official Tumblr, liked my Getaway Car video haha. I don't like him, AT ALL, but that was just freaking hilarious.

So that's how I've spent my day haha. I tried typing up chapter seven, but I was tapped out, I guess. But I did make this video of me singing along to Dancing With Our Hands Tied, so here's that to enjoy.

I'm literally a mess. But what have we come to expect? The fact that I will forever and always be Taylor Swift trash haha.

Deactivating on being inactive,

-- Jesse

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

There Will Just Be Reputation

| Now Playing: I Did Something Bad by Taylor Swift |

I never trust a narcissist,
But they love me.
So I play 'em like a violin,
And I make it look oh so easy.
'Cause for every lie I tell them,
They tell me three.
This is how the world works,
Now all he thinks about is me.

I can feel the flames on my skin,
Crimson red paint on my lips.
If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing.
I don't regret it one bit 'cause he had it coming.

They say I did something bad,
Then why's it feel so good?
They say I did something bad,
But why's it feels so...good?
Most fun I ever had,
And I'd do it over and over and over again if I could.
It just felt so...good...good.

They're burning all the witches even if you aren't one.
They got their pitchforks and proof,
They're receipts and reasons.
They're burning all the witches even if you aren't one.
So light me up, light me up, light me up, go ahead and light me up.

So good,
Why's it feel so good?
Why's it feel, why's it feel so good?
It just felt so...good...good.

It's currently ten til 9pm on Thursday night and I'm a fucking mess. Taylor is about to do a performance during tonight's episode of Scandal, the 300th episode of Grey's Anatomy is about to finishing airing, and reputation is just mere hours away from being released. I can't believe the moment is finally upon us. I think back to before this album was announced, and how depressed and just overall unhappy I was, and Taylor giving me these past three months to be excited about something and to anticipate something and give my life the rays of sunshine that it has so dearly missed is something that I'll never be able to repay her for. I know that may seem really stupid to some people, but she really has saved my life with this album. And I'm going to either cry, scream, faint or possibly all three when the album drops and I can listen to it for the first time. And that paired with this road trip happening with Benzo this weekend, I just couldn't be happier.

Anyways, work. Surprisingly, today was really good. I didn't have any freight, coffee kept me sane, and I spent the morning moving pallets around and things of that nature. I JUST CRIED SO HARD DURING THAT SCENE WITH MEREDITH AND ELLIS DURING GREYS I CAN'T DEAL. Sorry, I had a moment. Anyway, so many people were off today, and Market was back for Round Two, but at least I had Destiny Faith Rose, even though she was overwhelmed by notes from the day before. After lunch, which I spent watching Season 2 of Drag Race, I spent the rest of the day getting everything situated for the weekend.

I bought a dash mount for the road trip this weekend, so Benzo and I can belt out reputation while I drive and everything haha, and it's fantastic. iOttie makes some fanfreakingtastic products. I thought my vent mount by them was awesome, but the Easy Touch 3 is incredible. I love it. I tested that out, watched some Judge Judy over dinner, started filming my vlog and have footage of just how awkward I am, and went to town on my boosts while playing Super Mario Odyssey. I currently still have my first place title, but like I said before, I'm not banking on it. Now, I'm just waiting for Taylor's performance of New Year's Day during Scandal. Dude, I'm going to fucking pass out when this album comes out.

THE PERFORMANCE ON NEW YEARS DAY OH MY GOD. THE SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL IM PACKED BECAUSE I GOTTA GOOOOO. It's so soft of fragile, please protect this innocent babe at all costs. I filmed myself watching it, but might just use it as footage during my album reaction haha. HTGAWM GOT ME FUCKED UP TOO BITCH. Ugh, I'm just running on so many emotions tonight. How did we go from literally no word from Taylor AT ALL to the album coming out in less than an hour? Bitch, I'm fucking deceased. By the time I write the next paragraph of this blog, I will have listened to reputation in full. I'M NOT CRYING YOU ARE.

Flash forward to Wednesday...haha. Just so much has happened that I didn't have the energy or the time to properly post a blog on Saturday, so this one is just going to include basically and entire week's worth of events.

So obviously, I stayed up for the midnight release of reputation, and bitch. As you can imagine, I was fucked up. Hell, I'm still fucked up, to be quite Pocahonest. I stayed up until 6 AM, just to post my reaction of the album to YouTube, only for it to be taken down after about 2K views. I was really upset, still am, because I stayed up so late and worked so hard on it and it's honestly such a beautifully genuine reaction that I want people to see haha. I even uploaded it again once Benzo and I were in Nashville, but it got taken down even quicker, like after 300 views. But whatever. I have since been posting the songs individually, and that was working until today, my endgame video got taken down, but not from copyright. It's just "blocked" but it's still getting views? I don't know, I haven't researched it yet. But assuming it'll let me post my full video on my blog, I'll put it below.

So let's just talk about the album. Holy fuck. Literally, holy fuck. People at the Secret Sessions were saying this album is her best album yet, and bitch I was skeptic. But BITCH. They were wrong about Gorgeous being able to cut glass but they were fucking right about the album as a whole. It's fucking incredible. Hands down her best album. Production wise, lyrically, everything. Everyfuckingthing. This album is the album that I've literally have always wanted from her, and for her to deliver, bitch I'm into it. I Did Something Bad is probably my favorite, bitch goes OFF. That along with Don't Blame Me and So It Goes.. are probably my top 3, without a doubt. But it's so hard because the entire album is literally everything. Fuck.

Okay, so I didn't vlog. Sorry not sorry trademark Demi. I slept until like noon Friday because I stayed up so late editing my reaction to reputation. And then literally all I did was enjoy the Target magazines that came as I woke up and listened to reputation. Benzo got here later in the night. We slept, woke up around 8 and got ready to hit the road. Stopped at McDonald's for breakfast and drove down to Nashville. My check engine light came on, but everything was fine? I honestly think it was from bumps in the road but who knows. And we learned that we were in the central time zone?? Even though we've been to Nashville before?? And we didn't?? I can't. But we ordered pizza, went to one Jack In The Box where they literally lost their shit, went to another Jack In The Box where we could actually get some food, and then went to bed haha.

Sunday started with an anxiety attack for Benzo, and then I had one nearing the signing to meet Maggie Stiefvater. And it was just too much. We went into the bookstore but it was PACKED, Maggie was apparently doing a reading, and I was expecting less of a crowd and more of a signing, and with my anxiety already at compacity, I just couldn't do it. So we left. And honestly, it's good too because we didn't get back until 10:30PM and I was so worn out from driving 14 hours in two days. Literally came home and went straight to sleep with That '70s Show.

Monday we lounged around, I posted my reaction to just End Game, and Benzo and I went to the Moose Lodge and experienced BINGO 3: Beatrice Barbara, who is who we're calling Gloria Gladys' best friend at bingo haha. We didn't win anything, but it was still really fun. Then we came home and went to bed because we're adults haha.

Yesterday I went back to work for the first time since my little vacation and reputation's release and it was enough starring Jennifer Lopez. 9 pallets of freight. Literally enough. And today was the exact same. I'm just done with it. I can't believe I missed a day of blogging, but honestly it was so needed. Catch me bopping to reputation from now until the end of time.

Not caring about my reputation,

-- Jesse

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

There Will Be No Further Explanation

| Now Playing: Yet Another Dig by Bob The Drag Queen |

You're sipping on the haterade, yet another swig.
Frying up some bacon bitch, yet another pig.
I'm a Redwood and you're yet another twig.
All Stars 2 was yet another rig.

I see you on Twitter bitch, yet another block.
Catch me on the runway, sissy yet another walk.
You're bothered bitch? These are just the facts.
Time to chop a bitch down, "Tina!...bring me the axe!"

Yet another dig, yet another dig at me
Eleganza, I see the way you trip off me
Pipe down bitch, I run the library
Shh, you're too shallow to dig on me

My name's Alaska and I'm here to make it clear,
I know you love me baby but I fucking hate you dear.
Turn this shit up 'til your fucking ears bleed,
And if you ask me to stop? "I'd like to keep it on please."
Four challenge wins, four challenge wins,
Then the finale comes, and the crowned queen is...
It's not right but it's not okay,
Who's after Peppermint? Bitch, not Shea Coulee!
Mmmmmm, sue me.

Yet another dig, yet another dig.
Yet another dig, yet another dig.

Right after my last blog, I literally laid in bed and watched That '70s Show because I couldn't be bothered. Plus I was still feeling the subtle pangs of a headache and just all over bad. It literally was like I had a hangover without any of the fun of being buzzed or anything like that. I wish there was something even mildly interesting about the rest of my Sunday, but literally that's all I did. And then I went to bed. I did finally, finally, start Season 5 of That '70s Show. I literally started crying during the last episode of Season 4 because Eric and Donna were about to get back together but Eric was like I don't wanna be your second choice and the shaky vulnerability in Laura Prepon's voice when she goes "you're not!", it just fucked me up. Of course, they get back together in the start of Season 5 when Eric shows up in California, but ya know. Is it sad that the most interesting thing about the rest of my evening was literally me watching That '70s Show? Oh well. I'm living my best life.

Work wasn't too bad on Monday. All my freight was ran this morning when I came in, but I still had all those price changes from last week because no one did them while I was off on Sunday. I mean, I didn't really expect for that to be the case, but still. Anyway, work was work. Except for the little episodes I was having. First it was like my stomach was hurting because I ate too much, but I in fact had not eaten too much, so I don't know what that was about. I kept having to burp in order to clear the pain from my stomach, as one tends to do. Then I had this weird series of heart palpitations a few hours later and it like caused me to be really out of breath? I don't know, it was just weird. But then after I was clocked out, I found out Warden wanted me, but since I was clocked out, I was free to go. So naturally I think I'm in trouble. I hate to think that way, especially when I haven't done anything wrong and I work as hard as I do, but ya know. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what Tamar Braxt brings.

When I got home, I immediately started to do my boosts, but even with completing them for the day, I've lost my first place standing. I'm bummed, but I'm still hoping that I can get my hands on some really good seats and everything. Time will tell on that front as well. Ian was over at the house and the four of us had some pretty interesting conversations over dinner. And since then, I FaceTimed with Benzo and now I'm honestly ready to go to bed. This time change from the weekend has me feeling some type of way. I just really hope that I'm not in any sort of trouble or anything because as stressful and everything as my job is, I really do appreciate it and enjoy helping people finding what they need and learning as much as I can. I just hope it's not something to stress over. Literally the last time I went down to Nashville, as soon as I got back, everything crumbled beneath me, and I really don't want that to happen again. Maybe I just need a good night's sleep.

And although I didn't really sleep as soundly as I would have liked, I did feel pretty decent when I woke up. I was just a little worried about work given how yesterday ended, but it was all for not. Today was a pretty good day. I spent the entire morning at work moving features and things around. LunchCrew plus Amber hit up DQ for lunch, where we laughed and laughed and just really had a good time and just all around joy was had. Then I spent the rest of the evening finally getting my late price changes finished and literally did my picks last, but it all got done, so obviously routine isn't the best way to do things? haha.

Also, yesterday there was an alleged tracklist for reputation floating around, and there were tons of reports saying that this one was actually real. Well, since stores are getting the physical copies of the album now, today that tracklist was pretty much confirmed and I'm beside myself with excitement. Obviously I have no self control when it comes to looking up the tracklist because we're literally THREE days out and Taylor hasn't released the tracklist, but obviously, I'm not going around spreading it online or anything. I personally just wanted song titles to look forward to, but I'm not about posting that online or ruining what moves Taylor wants to do. I'm just a nosy bitch.

Once I got off work, and was thankful that nothing of the sort that I was worried about yesterday didn't happen, I came home and did my boosts. Now that I'm finally finished with that, I think I'm gonna play a little Super Mario Odyssey because I'm obsessed before I head to bed. Much excite, I know haha. I'm hoping that with the tracklist leak, Taylor officially drops the tracklist Tamar Braxt, but we shall see. She also dropped Secret Session video sneak peeks today and shared the Target commercial for the rep magazines. I'm literally gonna be such a mess Friday.

Another night of weird sleep. Not bad sleep, just a lot of waking up, a lot of rolling over and that king of thing. Remember how I said Taylor would probably address the tracklist today? Well, before I went to bed last night, she dropped it officially at around ten o'clock haha. I knew it wasn't going to be long. And sure, it would have been great to have experienced the drop when it happened, but I mean with stores getting the album in the stores, a tracklist leak was inevitable. So here's the official tracklist via Queen of Snakes herself.

BITCH. I'm so fucking hyped. I can't believe that at this time tomorrow night, I'll be gearing up for the album's official release. So I honestly can't remember which song titles I was most interested in for 1989 but I remember being super excited for both Treacherous and Sad Beautiful Tragic before we had heard them. And for reputation, the three that I'm most excited for are I Did Something Bad, Don't Blame Me, and This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things. FUCK. Those SONG TITLES DOH. I'm literally shooketh to the core.

So today's work day turned out to be a lot better than it began. I was instantly annoyed over the handheld situation, since I left mine for Seanathan Michael Preston when I was leaving yesterday, and it was just enough. Then I was told something about binning pallets that apparently is correct but I've never heard of it in my 5 years of experience? So great communication there, I was just over it. But the rest of the day turned out well, and that's with a surprise visit from Market there today. I was too busy moving pallets around and binning overstock and things this morning to do any sort of a routine.

Pam, Wendy, Amber and I grabbed lunch at Hardee's today, and it was just much needed. Both my boos Destiny Faith Rose and Terry Risa were both off today, so they missed out on all the shenanigans of the day. Then the rest of my day was going to be spent doing routine and top stock but that ended up falling to the wayside so that I could finally address that cart of demo stuff from the event Saturday that hasn't been touched since I left it there, so there's that. But at least that's finished now. And by then, it was already time for me to go. Oh, and I discovered that Twitter FINALLY updated to 280 characters now, because they knew that I'm gonna need to display my trash ass when reputation drops at midnight Thursday.

Then I came home, had some bomb ass Schwann's potato soup with my grandparents, watching good ol' Judge Judy because we stan her in this house, and I went straight in on my boosts. And I've regained my first place ranking! I don't know how and I don't expect to keep it long, but that put a smile on my face today. Then I went to cleaning my room because I realized that if I vlog a little bit tomorrow (for my forthcoming road trip vlog) that I can't possibly blog with a messy room, I just can't. So I did that while bopping my ass to Superfruit's amazing Future Friends album, and now I'm gonna settle down with tonight's new episode of Riverdale before bed. Life is good when you don't have to constantly explain yourself, like I tend to have to do at work. Plus, tomorrow is my last day of work before my four day weekend starts and a bitch is ready for it by Taylor Swift.

Finished with explanations,

-- Jesse

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Knuckle Cuts

| Now Playing: Call It What You Want by Taylor Swift |

All my flowers grew back as thorns,
Windows boarded up after the storm,
He built a fire just to keep me warm.

All the drama queens taking swings,
All the jokers dressing up as kings,
They fade to nothing when I look at him.

And I know I make the same mistakes, every time,
Bridges burn, I never learn, I guess I did one thing right.
I did one thing right.
I'm laughing with my lover,
Making forts under covers,
Trust him like a brother, yeah you know I did one thing right.
Starry eyes sparking up my darkest night.

My baby's fit like a daydream,
Walking with his head down,
I'm the one he's walking to.
So call it what you want yeah,
Call it what you want to.

My baby's fly like a jetstream,
High above the whole scene,
Loves me like I'm brand new.
So call what you want yeah,
Call it what you want to.

GIRL PEEP THAT SONG IN THE NP. I'm so damn glad that the rumors about there being one more song released from reputation before the album comes out next week (HOW IS IT NEXT WEEK) So I'm actually writing this before the song is actually released. I'm going to really attempt to do this blog daily. I just finished watching Will & Grace and now I'm making a pot of coffee because yes it's that serious that I stay up tonight and properly react to this song haha. I just feel like I could fall asleep at any moment, and that just can't happen when I've got a video to film and edit later on. But enough about currently, and let's get on with the actual blog.

Firstly, today was just a mirage of stained glass images because it was just one shade of crazy after another. I didn't really sleep too well last night, which is weird because I have been keeping up on my melatonin intake when I'm laying down for bed, but it just wasn't really happening last night. I even watched a few episodes of That '70s Show before I finally fell asleep. I kept waking up during the night, and when I woke up around 5, I was convinced that it said 6 and my alarm was about to go off, but obviously I was crazy and enjoyed my last real hour of sleep once I realized what time it really was. So I was dragging by the time I walked in the door at work this morning.

And since this week has been a real mirage of known events, I was just really accepting whatever work had to offer. I had a couple carts of freight and an entire pallet of overstock to bin, but yeah. And we had the morning meeting this morning outside on the patio in Lawn & Garden because there were pallets of seasonal candles and HBA that we were told to deal with after break, so that took about a little over an hour. Luckily, I was with Pam and Amber, so it really wasn't that bad. It just really put me behind in my department, like I have been all week, which isn't' good considering that I have this event on Saturday so.

Lunch was far more interesting haha. There was more additions to LunchCrew, which is always fun. After Pam and I rode with Destiny to McDonald's on Tuesday (Which was an event in of itself), we decided to go to Mexican since that's what we really wanted on Tuesday, but my check hadn't gone in yet. Wendy and Amber joined us for lunch, and we piled into Destiny's car, which was just hilarious because of how many of us there were haha. And then after we ate, which was of course amazing and their sweet tea game literally can't be beat, I told Destiny to play Like My Daddy from the Empire soundtrack so I could get some of the bottled emotions I've been having out lately, and it was a fucking performance haha. I mean I was going all in, and everyone was laughing and enjoying my Grammy winning performance haha. It was fun to get everybody in a good mood with how the week, and the weeks prior, have been going, so that was fun.

Then I was basically going through the department for my top items for the event the rest of the day. Seanathan Michael Preston was there today, so he was helping me try and find some order. Plus he fixed my schedule for the Nashville trip next weekend, so that was much obliged and much needed. And then I was helping customers all over the place, including a guy with a BB air gun, which was just really time consuming, but altogether worth it. Warden wanted to tour my area, so we did that and I was completely transparent about how often I'm able to do routine and processes, otherwise it's not going to get fixed. Then we went over more of what's going to happen for the event, like making cupcakes for the kids (Literally 72 of each color, like a lot of cupcakes)

I came home, after staying a whole hour later at work, watched some greatness in the form of Judge Judy, ate dinner, Preston called me for the top 25 item tags, and then that's it. Watched Grey's and W&G and now I'm really tired, about to watch HTGAWM. I just spent the rest of the evening after dinner catching up on YouTube, aka Shane and Joseph Birdsong haha. This episode of Murder is supposed to fuck us up, so hopefully that'll give me more hype so I'm not so tired. Plus, this coffee is going to play its part.

I ended up making another pot of coffee because a bitch was literally about to pass out and everything, it was just needed. And luckily, I didn't have any trouble getting the song to download or anything like I did with Gorgeous, so everything went smoothly. And FUCK. The lyrics to Call It What You Want are fucking fire. After Gorgeous, I didn't know what to expect out of this song, but I'm so glad that Taylor has blown me clear out of the water. Here's my reaction to CIWYW for those who are interested.

And my video for CIWYW is garnering a lot of views! It got 500 within the first hour, I was shocked. And now, only two days later (It's currently Sunday afternoon), it's at 5.8K views. LITERALLY so insane. I'm so thankful to anyone who watches my trash videos, so to see those type of numbers associated with me are just outrageous but I'm so grateful.

So trying to daily blog? Yeah, that hasn't worked. As seen above, it's currently Sunday afternoon because the past few days has been so crazy that I literally couldn't even post this blog on time last night. So I'll try my best to recall them.

Work has just been crazy. I spent all day Friday in a haze, dealing with customers and just having breakdown after breakdown. And then Saturday was the toys event and it was just a lot of running around trying to prepare. The event wasn't that bad, it was just chaos and I was over it. Plus I literally sliced my knuckle open trying to get the toys set up and everything, so there's that. Not much more than that has happened. I woke up this morning, meaning Sunday morning, just feeling bad. Like I had a hangover, but I don't drink so. It's just really weird. Like I just feel weird? I've felt better since though.

I checked my boosts and I lost my first place spot! But I did my boosts and I think as long as I do them every day, I'll be alright. Then I caught up on The Fosters because Season 5A is on Netflix and now I'm gonna chill. So yeah. Hopefully the rest of this week goes well to give me a smooth transition into the road trip!

Cutting my own knuckles,

-- Jesse

Wednesday, November 1, 2017


| Now Playing: Boy by Willow Smith |

Hey mom,
I met a boy,
He plays guitar.
He likes Quentin Tarantino,
And really sad songs.

Anxiety attacks when he wakes in the morning,
And I can't help the thought, he think I'm boring.
'Cause I come from a cluster of super bright stars,
And probably to him it feels scary to reach that far.
But down on Earth there's so much pain,
But way up here we explore galaxies.

Hey God,
Are you there?
I need to talk.
I'm feeling love is here and then it's not.
We hysterically cry when we wake up in the morning,
Could you please tell us why life feels like torment?

Remember how I said I was going to daily blog? Yeah, I don't know her. It's just been sort of a really weird start to the week, and I just haven't felt up to it. Plus, I've been like getting my sleep back? I don't know, it's just felt good getting back to a semi-normal sleep pattern and I haven't wanted to mess that up by staying up even later to blog or take the time out of my busy (lol) schedule of nothing to make it happen. But I'll do my best to recall everything, but we all know how my memory has been as of late.

So Sunday was a weird day. I don't know, I just feel super weird thinking back on it and especially a certain conversation that transpired during Sunday, which I'll most likely gloss over because I really don't want to think about it because it made me feel super weird over the entire course of the day as well as into work the following morning, so I'm just going to leave it at things are going on with my brother and I don't really, still, even know what to think or say about it. Moving on.

I actually got some writing done, and finally got past the scene I've been on for a while. It's so weird because I feel like so much has gone on lately and I just haven't even really had the time to write a whole lot. I've just been super consumed with everything that's going on with work and with family and with this new walking thing that I've been doing lately. But at least I got to write at all. I don't even remember know what I was writing to, but obviously I made it happen. Speaking of the walking thing, as I think I mentioned in my last blog, I gave myself a little break and didn't walk any on Saturday, mainly do to how late I slept in and everything. But I actually got to on Sunday, by making it happen when Mom called me back and we talked for well over an hour about the crazy, mood-altering things that have been happening over there, again, I just don't want to dwell on it. After my walk, I decided to just relax, and I honestly couldn't tell you what I did after that because I can't for the life of me remember. I think that's the day that there was a new Taylor rumor by the Pop twitter handle I follow, saying that it's "confirmed" that we're getting another single on Friday night. Hopefully that holds true, because I could use something to look forward to. But like I said, I really can't remember that far back. God bless my memory.

Monday's pretty much just as foggy. Obviously it was another week back at work, but other than that, I can't really remember. I remember being behind at work, no, that day I was good because I didn't have freight and I ran routine, I think. If I'm remembering correctly but honestly, the work weeks just bleed together like Crayola drawings in the rain. But then yesterday happened.

I was even feeling so good. I've been taking melatonin on a more regular basis when I lay down for bed, and it must have worked because I slept through the night, without interruption, and was awakened by my alarm, for probably the first time in the better part of a year. So I was feeling really good by the time I rolled up to work. But it all fell apart really quickly. Before I could go gather my things or get my cart or any of those other morning things, we were told to wait, that there was direction from Warden which basically entailed us filling the seasonal aisle with Christmas stuff. You know, an activity that only took us 3.5 hours? Especially since there was only five of us working it / working in general. Richard also gave me such an attitude when I asked if anyone else was coming to help because I had no idea. Also, Terry quit. God bless Housewares' turnover.

I just feel really empty anymore, just over it. It's just been done. But then today, Taylor helped with the release of a behind the scene video on the creation of Gorgeous! That was a bright beacon today because when is Taylor not? It was needed to because I was given the Pharmacy wall to put my overflow of features but that meant that I was running features all day today. Literally ran my feet off. But she also, literally within the last five minutes, dropped exclusive new merch pictures that's coming to the store soon! MY BANK ACCOUNT GONE. BOUGHT. WALLET SHREDDED. Here's the video and pictures of the merch that have literally saved my day.

I also got caught up on Riverdale and am watching the episode live as we speak. Then I'm probably going to hop in the shower and then hop into bed. I'm just so ready to head out of town to Nashville. I just need to have a good time and get going. It's also weird that this is the first blog of November, and the first time my blog posts have fallen where a month only has 8 instead of 9 posts? October got the short end of the stick, I guess. Thanks I guess. ALSO RIVERDALE IS CRAZY AND I LOVE IT. Can we talk about how hot KJ Apa is?

In better news, I've been listening to a writing podcast from the creator of Smashwords, so that's been nice. I just need a boost in light to happen.

Feeling hollow,

-- Jesse

Saturday, October 28, 2017

An Hour A Day

| Now Playing: Jeepers Creepers by The Mosers |

She drinks champagne,
On most Sundays.
While I sleep in,
Sleep off my whiskey stench.
She's up at six,
When I get in.
She's all talked out,
And I look like shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love you baby, ooh,
I need you crazy.
Too bad I'm a creep.
I'm a creep, oh baby,
I need you.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.

I love you baby,
I need you crazy.
Too bad I'm a creep.
A disease, I'm a dog, I'm a leech.
I'm the one, come and see, look at me.
I'm a creep, I'm a creep,
I'm a creep, I'm a creep.
I love you baby,
I need you crazy.
Oh baby, I need you.

Back at it again with the daily reminiscing. Or at least I'm going to try to, mainly because today was a fucking doozy, bitch. It was just a lot. Okay, so after my last blog, I just did some boosts while playing Splatoon, and then I started watching some Trisha Paytas, and she was weirdly making me feel better. Especially her This Is What Fat Shaming Feels Like video, it just spoke to me. And I started to just spiral down her latest videos, and that was fun. I eventually switched over and watched more That '70s Show, mainly because I just wanted to go to bed and also because there was the Nashville Secret Sessions, and even though I had already prepared myself for them, I was still down after finding out that they happened because I feel like Nashville is the only ones I would be eligible for just as far as location and everything. But I ended up sleeping super well, which is good because I'm obviously not going to tonight because it's TGIT so I gotta watch my shows haha. Also, the ...Ready For It? video comes out, but I found out a way to film my reaction to it, so I'm gonna postpone seeing the video until tomorrow so I can film that. I actually woke up a little earlier this morning because after the let down yesterday, I really wanted some damn coffee haha.

Once I got to work, I was shocked. Because all of my freight actually got ran. I was literally beside myself with it, because that literally hasn't happened in I don't even remember how long so I was quite excited to try and stay in routine and everything today. Of course, that didn't happen, but all in due time. So I was having a pretty good day, and it's a good thing that I didn't have any freight, because I was putting out and switching features literally the entire morning. We also had the morning meeting over in my department for reasons that still haven't been revealed to me yet, so. But after that, and break happened, we were being told our break time was being counted, which is super annoying, by both Warden and DBL so we skedaddled as fast as we could. Then I literally worked on perfecting my features for the rest of the morning until lunch. And since I paid my bills during break, I realized I had a little bit extra cash since one of my bills was a little less than expected, so LunchCrew headed over to Hardee's for the $5 All Star meals that I've gotten before. It was Gucci and then we headed back to work, and I kept up makeshift routine by completing all my section work, but that ONLY happened because I didn't have any freight to run this morning. Literally the only reason. That, and I was busting my ass to get it done to make sure that I got to get it done for at least two days this week, I think.

Then came two o'clock, which was the bane of my day. So during the morning meeting, Don't Be Late said there was a safety meeting at two. But keep in mind, the last time she said this, it was only applicable for the Safety Team, which ya girl isn't a member of. My boo Destiny is, which is unfortunate. So EVERYONE, not just me, thought that only the Safety Team had to go. Well, I finally get done with my section work around two, and I headed to the back to get the right labels, and Teresa is coming through the door leading to grocery as I walk to the cage and she's like we have the meeting and I'm like ?? and she says they called for all DM's to be there, and I was over it, because I still had over a hundred price changes to take care of from yesterday, so I didn't really have the time to sit through an hour long meeting. But obviously I did, or else I would have gotten in trouble. And the topic of the meeting was topstock, so obviously I had a lot to stay because apparently I can't keep my mouth shut. But that part was fine. Then Shanan comes in and says that she needs me to help at the paint counter, because I'm literally like the only person who knows how to do EVERY service area on the GM side, so. I was a little frustrated, but obviously I'm happy to help (Literally, I got chosen for HTH for October because when asked, I said I deserve it and used that customer I helped with her engine and oil filter as reasons why). So after that I headed back for the meeting, but no one was there. So I assumed they were doing the safety tour, and once I found them, anger ensued. A two word phrase which here means Waste My Time 2K17.

Everyone was in grocery, zoning. And I'm like, what the hell is going on, and they're having us check the topstock for Grocery and zoning. Like, that is such a MASSIVE waste of time. But we just all had to push through it, even though I was about to lose it because I had all those price changes blaring in the back of my mind. So after Grocery, and then paper chemicals, we did a little bit of Infants and finally returned the back to adjourn the meeting. After that, we realized that the meeting and subsequent trip to Grocery had taken AN HOUR AND A HALF. Let that sink in. We weren't able to do our proper work for an hour and a half. I was so pressed like an acrylic, I had to take my last break with LunchCrew, minus Destiny because we couldn't find her, and added with Amber. We went outside and blew off some steam, and then it was already time to leave. It was just so frustrating when, especially today, I was working my butt of it get everything done.

Coming home, things were pretty good. I listened to the three songs from reputation because always, and got home and got to say hi to my grandma, who was finally back from her two-day excursion over at Billie Ruth's house. I was definitely glad to see her haha. We talked a little about that and our mutual conversations with Rosanna, and talked about work some. It was spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner, which is always so bomb af. Then immediately after that, I went walking around the house and the parking lot of the church in a weird lopsided loop, and it was actually weirdly therapeutic? I got to talk on the phone with Mom a little bit, but she was headed out for karaoke so we had to get off the phone. But I listned to my Rep & Rap playlist while walking the rest of the time, and it was just a great experience. I ended up walking for a whole HOUR. An hour, bitch. So that was great. As soon as I came in, my grandma showed me how to make coffee with the big coffee maker so what happened yesterday doesn't happen again haha, and then I talked on the phone with Benzo for a bit and then started writing this blog. Now, Grey's Anatomy is almost over (I've been watching while writing this entire thing haha) and I'm gonna watch Will & Grace, then How To Get Away With Murder, and then I'm gonna head to bed. Unless the music video for ...Ready For It? comes out early or some shit, but I doubt it. It'll be better if I just wait and record my reaction haha. But who knows, maybe I'll end up staying up for it, and recording my reaction and whatever, but we shall see, I guess.

Let's hope I can keep up the daily blogging to keep this blog a little bit more quality I guess? I'm so ready for the weekend.

Will & Grace was SPECTACULAR, as always. Literally it has not changed in quality after eleven years. And don't even get me started with How To Get Away With Murder. It's such a good way of storytelling and I love the narrative and I'm just fucking obsessed. I ended up staying up until the release of the ...Ready For It? music video, but I was so exhausted that I ended up not watching the video. I really wanted to react to it and I didn't want to ruin that. I found out how to overlay a video for like reacting to a video, so I knew it was possible for me to do. So I switched on That '70s Show and went to bed. I'm STILL trying to get off the damn episode in Season 4 where Jackie gets a job as the Cheese Maiden selling cheese. I'm just so tired of the awkward crap in the beginning between Red and Eric with the condoms haha. I kept falling asleep like right after that so I've kept hearing it. But I finally finished that episode before falling asleep in the next one, so at least that's behind me haha.

I was so thankful to get today, Friday, over with because I'm off the weekend, and after having to work last weekend, I was so ready for it (see what I did there? I'm hilarious. Moving on) and needed it to be honest. OH. Also, last night, out of the blue, Jeremy sent me a picture that literally had me like this.

LITERALLY. I was quaking. I still am, to be Pocahonest, but I was McDonald's, bitch, lovin' it. Anyway, so I headed into work this morning feeling pretty good. I slept alright, even if I did end up getting a little cold from leaving the window open all night long. I grabbed my coffee, remembered my bag that I forgot from the day before, and headed in. After how crazy and obnoxious yesterday was, my motivation was just shot and absolutely depleted. So it was a little hard to get myself through the morning. And while I did have freight, or rather picks, to run, at least I didn't have features that had to go out to the floor and needed to move everything else around to accommodate like I have been lately, so it wasn't too bad. I still didn't get to follow routine because when do I ever? But we also had company, New Market was there so we ended up having a morning meeting at our regular time and then a meeting with him once he got there around 9. I just knew it was going to be  day that LunchCrew and I needed to head to lunch. We really need to start limiting it to one day a week, just for the sake of our paychecks.

It wasn't too bad with New Market there. He actually came by my department as I was stocking the Lego aisle, where the field of rollback flags live from the price changes I stayed a little over to get most of them done on Wednesday and was impressed with it and took my picture showcasing them, so that was good I guess? Then he thanked me for keeping the department looking good and shook my hand and said he appreciated all that I'm doing, so that was super nice to hear. After that, it was time for lunch and ya girl was feeling breakfast so we headed over to Denny's. It was bomb af and Pam and I got Chicken & Waffles because perfection and Teresa got these pumpkin spice cream pancakes that were incredible and Destiny got these bacon and cheese tots that were TUHDYE and ugh, it was just so good. Plus, our waiter was Jaime, Wes' boyfriend, so that was fun. We came back, I finished all of my price changes, and that was really it. But the time I turned around, it was time to leave, and I was so ready for it (I did it again, but I swear this time it wasn't on purpose).

Coming home from work, I found dinner from Macado's on the stove, so I could eat win I wanted / in my room, which was perfect because I was wanting to come straight home and film my reaction to the RFI music video, so that's exactly what I did. Recorded my reaction, screen recorded the video from my phone (thanks iPhone iOS 11 update) and I had my two videos. It wasn't nearly as complicated to edit the music video along side my footage of me reacting to it as I thought it was going to be. It was actually fairly painless. It only took me a little bit to get it edited and everything, so then I uploaded it, ate the sub from Macado's, and by the time my video was up and everything, thumbnail made and all that jazz, I looked up and it was six, and I really want to stick to this walking thing, and six is like my go to time for it, like no later than six can I start, so I went on my walking around the house and the church parking lot to my Recently Played playlist on my phone.

Mom was supposed to call me this afternoon so we could talk more, but I never heard from her. I tried calling her when I started my workout, but she never answered and I heard this weird distorted version of her voicemail? Like I don't know if it's because I was connected to my Beats or what but it was weird. I'm gonna try calling her again tomorrow or at least texting her because it was just weird. So I did my hour long walking and then came inside and immediately sat down with Stranger Things because SEASON TWO CAME OUT TODAY. I'm so excited. I just finished episode 3 as I was starting Friday's recap and BITCH. I grabbed my mouth I was so shocked. I was fucked up. But anyway, I'mma watch one or two more and then head to bed. SO READY FOR THIS WEEKEND. Oh, and here's my reaction to the RFI music video. I almost forgot haha.

And now it's magically Saturday! I've literally done nothing. I watched two more episodes of Stranger Things before I went to bed, and then flipped back to That '70s Show before falling asleep. I didn't even wake up until almost noon, so I got my sleep in haha. I woke up and did some laundry, but then I finished Stranger Things, and this season might just be better than the first. It's so fucking good. Then I started watching the after show that automatically plays after you finish Season 2. But a bitch was really tired. My grandma made a chicken version of her hamburger pie, so that was amazing. Then I came back to bed, because I've literally spent all day in bed, and so then I tried watching some Joseph Birdsong videos on my phone because I'm a little behind on his Mirror Mode let's play of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe and fell asleep. I was already feeling so sleepy so I guess it was bound to happen. I guess I just couldn't be bothered haha. I woke up from my little hour long nap and I'm going through Joe's Evil Within let's play and watching that so I can watch the Evil Within 2 let's play he just started once I finish. And that's literally it. I'm hoping to get some writing done Tamar Braxt because I really need to. This blog has been interesting haha. Oh, and also, my Do It For Her post is up to 1,640 notes, my Gorgeous reaction video has hit 4.5K views, and my music video reaction just hit 1.5K views. Another day being such a celebrity haha. I took a break from my walking today because I just needed a break. I just need a break in general.

Taking it one hour at a time,

-- Jesse

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

You Can't Wear Your Hat Inside

| Now Playing: Candy Paint by Post Malone |

Everybody say that I gotta be stopped,
Even though my final form ain't unlocked.
I'm so ahead of these motherfuckers.
All these motherfuckers so false with me,
I know there ain't shit you could offer me.
Take a second if you think about crossing me.

Candy paint with the white on top,
Lambo doors of the oowop drop.
If you busy plottin' on what I got,
Kick in your door, that's what you thought.
Hundred thousand dollars on the table top,
Half price my whip, same price my watch.
Got no jumper but I ball a lot,
Bitch I'm Young Stoney, I do what I want.
Candy paint with the white on top,
Lambo doors of the oowop drop.
If you busy plottin' on what I got,
Kick in your door, that's what you thought.
Hundred thousand dollars on the table top,
Half price my whip, same price my watch.
Got no jumper but I ball a lot,
Bitch I'm Young Stoney, I do what I want.

So for once, or at least the first time for a while, I'm writing this blog solely on the day that it's posted. Basically I'm bound to forget something, and not a whole hell of a lot has gone on, which is weird for my Wednesday blogs, but here we go.

Right after my last blog, I did end up going and getting some gas. I guess I just really needed to get out of the house because I felt a lot better once I did. I even went past the house and kept driving until right at the Home Place because I just needed a little longer to be carefree, listening to my Rep & Rap playlist (Which is LITERALLY just the three songs from reputation and the song featured in this blog's NP) and just driving without regard to the shitstorm that's been going on in my head lately. I don't know why my family talking about my weight behind my back has fucked with me so heavily since it happened, but it really has. Like I just don't understand. Other sides of my family have done the same thing, so it's not like this is a new thing for me to be experiencing. I don't know.

When I got home, I was still moping around from everything and I finally had had enough of it. So I started typing up that HIIT workout I saved from Saturday, and got to work on it. Let me say, while doing the exercise it was an absolute bitch, but once I regained consciousness and my breathing was back to norman, I felt absolutely incredible. I always forget how rewarding it feels after you've worked out, especially for a plus-sized bitch like me. I felt really glorious. So after that, I played a little Splatoon but then I ended up doing even more exercise because I hate the way my family was making me feel, so I ended up FaceTiming Benzo and walking around our massive yard seven times. So that was great, getting that much exercise felt great, and it was just a great day spent bettering myself. I ended up chilling with That '70s Show and went to sleep, and then it was back to work for one day, then back off on Tuesday.

Monday wasn't too bad. I actually followed routine and everything, but that's because I left the pallets for overnight to work, I had two of them not even worked from overnight so. It was manager approved, so I got to stay on my processes. The only other major thing that sticks out, aside from LunchCrew hitting up Wendy's on lunch, is Teresa got really upset. I won't divulge details but it's bullshit and I call integrity on that shit. It's just so uncalled for and ridiculous.

I ended up watching all of Season 2 of Haters Back Off on Netflix Monday night. Honestly, Monday after work is such a blur, and I have no idea why. I know I did some writing, but other than that, I have no idea what happened. I didn't do any HIIT workout because I was so exhausted from the day before and I worked so hard at work. I think I might have done my boosts, and I ended up falling asleep to the last two episodes of Haters Back Off, so there's that. When I woke up, I finished Haters Back Off, which is still good even if it doesn't match the hype of Season 1, and asked Benzo what time we were getting together. Since both of us were off, we made plans to go up to the park in Radford that I fell in love with and walk around, and then maybe take Shep to the dog park that's just around the riverbend, but because of timing issues, we didn't end up doing that. I met her at Bedford Walmart and we perused the aisles while her mom was shopping since Benzo was the chauffer. After that, we headed back to her house, then back to Walmart to get my car, and we decided to hit up Lynchburg and take advantage of Red Lobster's Endless Shrimp.

Obviously, I was wearing my go-to outfit as of late, which is my black rep shirt, my stitch witched black shorts, and my rep hat. So when we finally arrived at Red Lobster, I took off my hat because I wanted a change I guess, and when I voiced this, Benzo quoted the classic line from Matilda, which is the title of this blog, in Zinnia's voice and I about passed out from laughter. It was just perfect. It's crazy how drastic Benzo can alter my mood for the better. I'm super grateful to have her in my life. So our server was sort of really just uptight? I don't know. She was giving me clipped attitude the whole time and I was ready to string bean it all over the carpet. And when I asked for a bread bag to go, she was like yeah for 6.99. And considering that I've gone to multiple Red Lobster locations (Maybe this is why my family calls me fat) and always have gotten bread to go for free, I was perturbed. But after I said I wasn't really wanting to pay for it, she ended up giving me one, but I just wasn't appreciate of her attitude. But the food was still great. That Nashville shrimp, BITCH. And dipped in that whipped sweet potatoes? FUCK.  A bitch had a good time. So then we went to Burlington and I ended up getting these fucking chic ass boots. They're Levi's, black, and honestly it just completes my tour outfit. But I've also been looking at a pair of black shoes and have been interested in a pair of boots for a while now, so it was just a win-win. I could take a picture, but I'm Lays Potato Chips.

Then we went to Rue 21 and I ended up getting their limited edition #RUE cologne, because I HAVE been searching for a new cologne. I was OBSESSED with their limited edition Neon Summer from either last year or year before, so that was cool. Plus I got the second bottle half off so. But there went my money until next check haha. Granted, it was both things I needed, but still. We then went to Ross, but neither of us ended up getting anything, which was good for both of our wallets. After that, it was back to Bedford Walmart to drop her off at her car. I would have liked to have stayed and hung out at her house or something, but it was already getting late, and I at least wanted to attempt to workout and everything, so I came home. I ended up doing the Day 2 workout on HIIT, and I thought elbow planks were going to be easy? Bitch, they were not. But at least I did them. I went to bed with That '70s Show (I've been stuck on like the same two episode in Season 4 because I keep falling asleep during them haha) and went back to work again again.

Today wasn't bad, per se, it was just aggravating as hell. I come back from ONE day off, and all hell as broke loose. We're not allowed at the work station in the morning to get notes, and not one but TWO assistant managers have up and quit without notice. Like WHAT?? It's just so crazy. Our store is just hanging by a thread. The rest of the day went great, aside from dealing with trying to stay in routine (price changes) but being told to also do something else (move things to a new bin). There's just a little bit of an expectation problem at our store. I also kind of mouthed off during the meeting that we held down the clearance aisle, and I really didn't mean to, but it just sort of slipped out. I honestly was trying to say them in my head. I think I've just getting more fed up. But I was really sorry about the way everything came out. I even ended up leaving a little late because I was working on getting the most bulk of my price changes worked completely.

I came home, tired as hell. My boots are super comfortable, but I was ready to get them off. I'm going to try and wear them for the rest of the work week because they need to be broken in, so by the time tour comes around, or just in general wear, they're not as painful for my pinkie toes to be walked in. And during this synopsis of my past few days, Rosanna messaged me on Facebook, apologizing for commenting on my weight. I haven't even fully read it, so let me give that a whirl before I contingency. Well, I appreciate the apology at least. She's the only one brave enough to come forward about it and admit that she was wrong, so I'll give her that. Shout out to Chevy for setting her straight. I always knew you would have my back.

Also, there was an LA Secret Sessions for reputation but not that much of it has shown up on my Tumblr dash? It's weird because for London and both nights of Rhode Island, I saw it everywhere, but it was so low key for LA? I don't know, maybe they weren't allowed to say anything at all, who knows. I just know that reputation is so close to being released and it coincides with my four day weekend vacation to Nashville, so I'm super pumped. I'm just so ready to have that weekend (Which apparently we're supposed to be having company during so we'll see if I'm lucky enough to dodge that) and to just get away for a while. And that's really about it. Such a tame blog for a Wednesday, I can't get over it haha. I think it's because I didn't blog a little every day. I need to get back in the habit of doing that, but ya know. I'll probably just take a shower, maybe do some boosts and play Splatoon? I could get caught up on Riverdale and watch tonight's episode live but I don't want to? Oh well, whatever happens, happens. I just know I'm ready for the weekend.

Not wearing hats inside of fancy places,

-- Jesse

Saturday, October 21, 2017

I Love You No Matter What

| Now Playing: Gorgeous by Taylor Swift |

You should take it as a compliment,
That I'm talking to everyone here but you.
But you, but you.
You should think about the consequence,
Of you touching my hand in a darkened room.
Dark room, dark room.

And I've got a boyfriend, he's older than us,
He's in the club doing I don't know what.
You're so cool it makes me hate you so much,
I hate you so much.
Ocean blue eyes, looking in mine.
I feel like I might,
Sink and drown and die.

You're so gorgeous,
I can't say anything to your face,
'Cause look at your face.
And I'm so furious,
At you for making me feel this way.
But what can I say?
You're gorgeous.

You make me so happy it turns back to sad,
There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have,
You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad.
You make me so happy it turns back to sad,
There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have,
Guess I'll just stumble on home to my cats.
Unless you wanna come along.

Okay so we have quite the happenings happening here today so let's get this show on the road. It's currently a little bit before 7 on Thursday as I'm writing this, and I'm fucked up. The level of fuckedupedness that I'm currently feeling can NOT be measured on any sort of scale. So I slept pretty well last night, which is saying something because I was feeling some type of way last night. Mainly because there was another Secret Session last night in Rhode Island. I was just feeling down because I feel like I'm never going to get the chance to meet Taylor ever, which is devastating because it's one of my biggest dreams, especially during this era because of how dark and down I've been since before the album announcement. But I felt better once I woke up, after getting a really good amount of sleep, and I listened to the newest episode of the Swiftcast podcast, where someone who was at the London SS was on talking about their experience, without giving album details, of course. And after listening to that, I was thankful I didn't get invited only because there's no way that I could afford a plain ticket, no matter how bad I would want to. Anyway, moving on.

Work was annoying. Literally per usual. So we knew that Warden was going to be back today, and everyone was dreading the worst. But surprisingly the meeting wasn't too bad and nothing too horrible happened. Except for the fact that the stuff that Dennis had me hold for overnight? They didn't work it. So not only did I have the freight from this morning but also all the pallets from yesterday. To say I was pissed was an extreme understatement. But life goes on. So then LunchCrew2K17 was reassembled today, as both Destiny and Teresa were back. We decided we were gonna go to lunch, and we ended up going to Country Cookin, and bitch, it was bomb. Literally it was so good and I'm still feeling pangs from it to be honest. Speaking of things I'm still feeling pangs from, during lunch, literally in the middle of our lunch, Taylor Swift posted a video to both Instagram and Tumblr, and I knew something was about to fuck me the fuck up. And that thing was A NEW SONG ANNOUNCMENT. LITERALLY in the last blog, I talked about wishing there was another song to add to the reputation rotation and WE'RE GETTING A NEW SONG TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT. The song is called Gorgeous, and it features a baby voice or something and here's the seven second clip that Taylor posted.

BITCH. I'm so fucking unprepared for this song, I just can't. LunchCrew got to see me freak the fuck out, so that was fun haha. OH, and I made two friends last night on Tumblr! They're Swifties and they both live in Virginia! I'm so excited because I've never had friends (at all really) that love Taylor as much as I love her, so that's been fun to experience today. We were freaking out together all day. And obviously, because I've recorded my reactions to the first two songs, I'm going to be doing the same tonight once Gorgeous hits my iTunes account. Fuck, I'm ready. And I've just been so ready for the song, I've just been on Tumblr and gearing up for TGIT tonight. I'm gonna literally hop in the shower and then watch TGIT, and then I'm going to be staying up until Gorgeous comes out and a bitch is READY except I'm not ready at all. Obviously, I haven't even heard the song yet, but it's gonna be the NP for this blog, let's get real. I guess the next thing that I'll post here is my reaction video to Gorgeous. So here's that and then I'll continue to freak out about it after haha.

Yo, so a lot has happened since I listened to the song. I'll be posting this on Sunday morning because I honestly couldn't do it last night because I was in my feelings over something, but I'll get into it, because I really want to capture the feeling and the outcome and everything else.

So firstly, let's talk about Gorgeous. I was all prepared to record my reaction and everything, and no matter what I did, the song wasn't showing up on either my phone OR on my computer on iTunes. I was freaking the hell out. I was so tired and just wanted to go to bed but I also wanted to give an honest reaction. Finally, after the internet was no help at solving my problem, I found something useful. I had to cancel the preorder and then re-preorder it, and it instantly downloaded. It'll probably charge me again, but whatever. We all know Taylor owns me, so it's no big deal. I really like the song, but for me, I don't think it's as strong as LWYMMD or RFI. Both songs have this like dark undertone, heavy synths, and just have this overall badass feel to them. And Gorgeous is just like, to me, what I would expect to hear on 1989. It still somehow has this similar feel of the first two songs, but I think that has more to do with the production, sort of, but mostly the lyrics. They're not the best lyrics overall, but the verses have some really Grade A content, so maybe that's why it works. Obviously, I'm still obsessed with the song, but it's not as strong. And then to see Taylor reblogging all these people from the Secret Sessions and people who were like TAYLOR THIS IS THE BEST SONG FROM REPUTATION YET when, I'm sorry, it just isn't, and this is coming from a Taylor Swift SUPERFAN. Nat had a livestream about how people were acting so fake just to garner her attention, and I couldn't agree more. I've been listening to Gorgeous non-stop, because it's still a really good song, and here's my reaction to it for anyone interested.

So there was that haha. I went to bed with That '70s Show, making my way downtown, walking fast through Season 4, and actually fell asleep really easily. Maybe it was because it was already 2:30 in the morning. I was worried about the amount of sleep I got during the night by the time my alarm went off for work, but I actually felt super well rested despite the three hours that I got. Work wasn't too bad, but I also don't really remember much of it. This is what happens when I don't blog on that specific day. My memory is completely shot from work, so that's just going to be a thing that happens. I honestly am sitting here, trying to think of things that happened, and I honestly can't think of anything. Thanks to my bank account, I do remember that we went to El Rodeo for lunch. Okay, I'm starting to remember some things now. We had a shrink meeting on Thursday, I don't know if I mentioned that. But it was basically the same old stuff, this is broken, but we will try to fix it, but it's y'alls fault, ya know, the same. But anyway, Friday we went to El Rodeo and complained about the way that things are and everything. The food was good though, so it's great.

After work, I was a little bummed bout having to work during the weekend, but I just wanted to get it over with so I could have my day off and everything. I slept SUPER well during the night, and woke up feeling pretty decent in the morning. I still woke up and got myself some breakfast before I headed into work because I just really was over it, but luckily I had Amber there to work with me, so that made it all the more better to get through the day. It wasn't so bad, aside from roudy teenagers in my department, literally like 15 of them, a bomb threat, and a support manager singing Taylor Swift's new song at me, nothing really happened haha. I also spent have the day helping people with the price change CBL. Speaking of helping people, most of my Friday was spent teaching people how to do SWAS because the assistants don't know how to. But that's none of my business.
Image result for kermit sips tea gif

So after work was over, I headed home, and got to learn a wonderful new thing that I wasn't privy to. My grandma and I were eating some DiGiorno for dinner, because pizza is really really good, and she asked me if I wanted the last piece or something like that and I said sure. She then was like "I guess I should stop forcing you to eat, people might think I'm making you fat." And I was like what are you even talking about? Apparently, her sisters said some shit to her during the dinner we had for Bonnie over at Fay's house Sunday and my weight was a hot topic. I was pissed. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. I've literally never shared with ANYONE in my family the true struggles that I've gone through with my relationship with food. From depression, to the only thing that would make me feel something was being overfull of food, they just have no idea. So to hear that they were talking bout me in this light really fucking hurt. I talked about it with Benzo, and then with my new Swiftie Tumblr friends Dacia, and they were making me feel better. But it just hurts that these people that are supposed to love you no matter what. And even more has happened now.

I went to bed with my Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie playing because I just needed something super familiar that makes me super happy after feeling so down about myself. The only good thing that came out of it, aside from knowing which members of my family are next on being cut out of my life, is I wrote down an exercise plan. Fuck them. Anyway, I went to bed pretty easily, and early into the movie. I was just super drained. And woke up to my phone going off, despite hving it on silent, which apparently does not include phone calls, and it's one of my grandma's sisters who's calling. I immediately think, "Oh Lord, here we go." After checking the time and seeing that it was a reasonable enough time for me to stop sleeping in, I check my phone's notifications. And my Facebook is blown the fuck up. I posted a status late last night about how I was feeling, and about choosing your own family over blood relation, and huge shout out to my Radford friends Amanda Leigh and Anna for showing me some much needed support. But family commented on it as well, the very ones in question.

I'm already so sick of seeing "I love you no matter what" from family. That so obviously isn't true. Don't comment saying you love me no matter what but then say yeah I did notice at the party that you had gained a few pounds. On Facebook. For anyone to read. Fuck you. I'm sorry, but that just isn't okay with me. I politely, as I could, said that her comment made me feel worse. So I guess we'll hear more about that as it happens.

Oh, and I've still been keeping up with my photos, so here's some more Artsy Selfie time!


And thus, here we are on this lovely early afternoon on Sunday, just over everything. I need to go out and get some gas, so maybe I'll just drive around or something, who knows. Or maybe I'll just do my HIIT workout or walk around the yard. But first, I need to plan out my bills. Honestly, I'm just so ready to see the sun.

Not using love as an excuse to ridicule,

-- Jesse

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Sweat Demon

| Now Playing: Drive by Miley Cyrus |

You told me that you wanted this,
I told you it was all yours.
If you're done with it,
Then why'd you say forever for?
If forever's out the door,
I'll ignore, when you call.

Drive my heart into the night,
You can drop the keys off in the morning.
'Cause I don't wanna leave home,
Without your love, without it.

I thought you would be there when I go,
You promised you would be there when I go.
But all the broken promises,
I won't miss, I'm finished.
All I know are the facts.
That when I look you in the eye,
All I see are the lies.
Been there, done that.

Sweaty, do I have tea to serve. So in true blogging fashion, this blog is probably (definitely) going to be a lot more potent than my last blog. I don't know what it is about my Wednesday blogs but those tend to have more in them than the Saturday blogs. I guess because most of my work week in capsulized in the Wednesday vlogs, but who can never be sure?

I got to sleep in on Sunday, but not before being woken to the feeling of heat. And after further inspection, I saw that it because my AC unit was, while working, was leaking and half of my room was absolutely drenched in water. I guess I just knew something was wrong. So I turned off the AC unit and went back to sleep. Well, home girl was SWEAT-ING, bitch. But at least there wasn't anymore water being poured into the carpet. So thus begun the great drying phase. I ended up taking the AC unit out, hoping that we get some cooler weather because it's still pretty warm for October, and ya girl needs frigid soul temperature's to be able to be comfortable, and thus sleep. I took the AC unit out to the building and played some Splatoon 2. Vamps were the champs of Splatfest, so I won, ya heard. But anyway, after that, I was basically on Tumblr for the majority of the day, looking at people's HQ pictures with Taylor and my heart was just so full (even though I was admittedly a little jealous and coming down with a severe case of FOMO). I kept seeing all these pictures of Taylor in the Secret Sessions and she just looks so happy surrounded by her fans and it just reminded me of something, so I went into overdrive to make this picture that I'll embed now. It's actually a meme, and as we all know, I'm an avid fan of the Simpsons, so it's a twofer.

LOOK HOW FUCKING CUTE SHE IS. It's a hack job to be Pocahonest, but it's great. And it started getting notes like CRAZY. By the time my grandma and I left the house to head over to Fay's for dinner (Bonnie's in town), it had over 200 notes. I was like WHAEET?? I never make my own content on Tumblr, aside from text posts, so getting a bunch of notes is sort of a big deal for me. Makes me feel sort of noticed by the fandom, I guess. Thanks I guess. (I literally can't say that without using that damn phrase) But yeah. I was supporting the shit out of Taylor even at my family get together. Also, I made my black pants into shorts, thanks to more stitch witchery. I don't know if I shared those. Peep them pics, hunty.

My shorts come out so fucking good FUCK. Anyways, then the dinner happened. And girl, it was a lot. I like these shindigs or whatever, it's nice to see Bonnie when she flies out from Louisiana (She brought her daughter Shelby, whom we've never met, and her boyfriend, so that was cool too.) but there always ends up being drama. The food was great. It was barbecue and fixins that went along with it, but the drama. Okay, so my grandpa didn't go because he didn't want to, and I can't say I blame him because my grandma and her sisters just have a very tumultuous relationship. They've always sort of (Not really sort of, actually, just outright) treated her like she was less than them, and it's just never stopped. But anyway. Since my grandma didn't come, my grandma, after everyone was finished eating (Mind you, this is already about an hour and a half into the dinner / party), asked me if I would go make him a plate. So obviously, I was going to. Taylor (My cousin, not my lifeline) followed me because she wanted to make her boyfriend Tony a plate, also shouldn't be an issue. So I go into the kitchen and ask my grandma's sister for a paper plate, I immediately get an attitude that I surely didn't ask for. I was a little taken aback, but I just said "Oh, I was just going to make a plate for Pawpaw) and she looked at me and says "Oh, well [my grandma] can do that later, we haven't even had dessert yet". Literally what does that have to do with anything?

Not a damn thing, but sure, Jan. So after I get another attitude, she tells me where they're at, and I grab a couple for me and my cousin. It honestly just really pissed me off, because, why was that such a big deal? Why? It's not because there's not enough food because honestly, there was enough food there to feed at least a whole other family of 20, if not more, so like?? But we went on our merry fucking way and tried to enjoy the rest of the evening. Until right before we left. My grandma's sisters always take Bonnie out here and there when she's in town, which to me sounds so exhausting, I would just want to hang out with my sisters, but hey, it's not my time their wasting. So anyway, my grandma asks an innocent question (Albeit she could have curbed her attitude a little, but ya know) on whether or not anyone else is invited to this thing they're taking Bonnie too on Wednesday, and instead of answering my grandma, her sister just looks at her and then turns her heard, acting like she hadn't even spoken. I WAS LIKE YOU KNOW FUCKING WHAT??

I literally was so attacked at the fact that she had the gaul to do that in the first place, least of all right in front of me, my grandma's rabies infested creature of the night. Like what makes you think that you can just treat people like they don't matter? It wasn't the fact that she wasn't invited that pissed my grandma off, it was the fact that after asking about the excursion, she was ignored and treated like she was nothing. And that's when she made her trek out of the house without saying a word. I knew she was pissed because honestly, so was I. So I started to tell everyone bye and headed out. But of course, Rosanna and Bonnie are following me out there, as well as Joyce (But we love her, and I'm still pissed that the others refused to invite Joyce, who flew all the way from California just to meet Bonnie) And then they start having it out and my grandma is 100% over it, and getting loud and heated, and I just had to get her out of there, even though her anger was justified, I don't like to indulge that type of thing, so we got the hell out of there. I tried calming her down as best as I could on the way home. And even after all that about us making plates, we were sent home with so much food. Granted, I don't think it was about the food but still. Just no reason. No Reasons Why, now streaming on Netflix.

Winding down, I just decided to lounge around with some Splatoon, and I kept getting tired while playing, so that's good. Plus, I decided I needed to take some melatonin in order to get some sleep. Sleep ended up being a little hard to come by. 1, because I was hotter than hell, and ended up having to soak a towel in water and use it as my blanket for the night because THAT'S how hot I was not having my AC unit anymore and 2, because I was hoping Taylor Swift would see my Do It For Her post and like it. But I need to quit thinking that I'm ever going to really meet her, even though I want to so desperately, especially this era because she has literally saved my life, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

Waking up a few times, my sleep itself wasn't actually too bad, so that's good. I made my coffee, turned on my Sam & Joe podcast, and headed into work. And I don't know if my Target order for reputation didn't go through (For the third time) but I magically had 40 dollars on my card this morning, which ended up being for the best because I was starving and I really needed deodorant. Work wasn't too bad, I only had one cart of freight, and then a pallet that all ended up having to be binned, so that worked out for me. Coming back from the weekend is always the hardest, especially this weekend, where I didn't get much writing done and there was all the drama from Sunday weighing me down, so it's the sort of day that I needed to come back to. And then, I ended up writing on lunch! I finished the third scene out of five for this chapter, so everything is coming together nicely. And I did it while listening to Miley Cyrus' Bangerz album and man, I almost forgot how amazing it is. All my solo edits are obviously superior, and I need to find them and add them to my phone again, but yeah. Drive is definitely still my favorite off the album and thus has landed in the NP. After lunch, I spent the rest of the work day doing processes and Seanathan Michael Preston came in, so that was good, so I could tell him about all the overstock that's coming in and everything.  Nothing really crazy happened at work, except for the fact that there's Rumors by Lindsay Lohan going around that someone's already landed the position that I recently applied for, but I didn't expect to get it, they want me where I'm at.

And my Do It For Her post has reached 1,276 notes! That's so crazy, and I'm super grateful to everyone and anyone that's reblogged it since yesterday. And Nat from Australia, the super famous fan in the fandom that met Taylor during the 1989 tour, reblogged it, so that like super boosted my post and I turned into Trisha Paytas.

I came home, and stuck to my guns and worked on my boosts while playing Splatoon, forever the staple. I'm at 1526 boosts! Super proud. OH! I almost forgot. I found a GEM as soon as I walked into work this morning. I was passing Electronics to head to the work station and saw Mighty Morphin Power Rangers The Movie, yes, the 1995 original that I have on VHS that doesn't work anymore and  would ALWAYS watch on days I stayed home from school, on DVD. So, like, I had to get it. I just had to. That was one of the best things I've seen at work in a while haha. I even worked out a little bit after I was finished, but I honestly got so out of breath that I had to stop, but ya know. Luckily, it's only gotten to like 68 today temperature wise, so sleeping tonight should be good because since the sun went down, I pulled my window down and stuck the fan from the living room in the window to blow in the cool air. Other than that, I've just been listening to Look What You Made Me Do and ...Ready For It? on a loop while I've written this blog, or at least remembered everything from Sunday and Monday, or today. So here's to tomorrow, hopefully following the same lines as today. Also, Benzo and I really wanted to go to Bingo today, and enjoy the increased jackpot, but we're both broke, so here I sit, in my rep hat, my Beats on, wearing nothing but my Patrick Star underwear and the pink hoodie I stitch witched, writing this blog. Living large. I'm gonna wind down with That '70s Show, is what I'm gonna do. I'm almost finished with Season 3 (thanks sleeping problems!) so, I should be on Season 4 by tomorrow. Goodnightly news.

I finally slept through the night, good, actual sleep, for the first night that I can remember in I can't remember how long. Literally it felt like I was finally a human again, reborn from the dark pits of insomnia. I didn't get an incredible amount of sleep, not more or anything like that. But I actually just rested while I was sleeping. So that really impacted how my day went, I suppose. I guess it's crazy what some good sleep can do for you. Thanks I guess. But I woke up before my alarm went off, and I just went ahead and started getting ready. It gave me a little more time to perfect my coffee, and then I had enough time to grab some breakfast at Hardee's, because I was feeling good from the sleep, so I figured I should further the hope for a good day by actually eating breakfast for once.

And I was FUCKED UP because of That '70s Show. I was absolutely dreading to get to the episode where Donna and Eric break-up, and then Eric wants the Angel to take all the memories. It's always fucked me up even before I had watched the show all the way through, and I was just so unready. So after crying during their break-up and the take-the-memories-away scene, I was so upset that I had to have a slice of chocolate cake and some milk. Because reasons. I was in my feelings for sure. But I started Season 4, since it starts with that Angel episode. It was a lot. Good, but a lot.

Work wasn't too crazy, aside from the fact that we had company. Our new Market was there, so everyone was in a panic, but not ya girl. Because it is what it is anymore. So after the meeting, which was just enough, we went about our merry fucking day. I actually stuck pretty close to routine for the day, which is a godsend if I ever heard of one. I'm lucky on days where routine gets done. Anyways, there's really nothing to tell about that day, except for my home girl Teresa (who's been out sick with her awful migraines) got shaded by a manager. I jokingly was talking about taking Pets back if it was re-split and the amount of attitude I got as well as the actual dialogue that transpired was enough. But what can you do for a Klondike bar.

When I got home from work, my grandma was out somewhere, I can't remember where she was. But almost as soon as I got home, I saw someone walking around the front yard toward the backdoor at the carport, where I park. I thought it might have been Ian at one point, but it wasn't, and honestly, it was a little freaky. I didn't know exactly what was going to happen, but it ended up being a guy from AEP. They had some type of line down or something or other and he said in about ten minutes our power was going to go off and then it would probably take around THREE HOURS before it was back on. Home girl was not having it. So it went off around 5, and since it was already getting hot in the house, I headed outside because it was cooler out there anyway. I did some writing outside while listening to Lana's Lust For Life album (which I really need to listen to more because it's so good) but that didn't last long because the restlessness was settling in nice and fine. So I ended up heading in my car (Even though I should be cooling it because my tire pressure light is on and it freaks me out. I meant to call today, but LunchCrewAdvised2K17 happened, so I didn't have a chance / forgot) to go across town to hit up Barnes & Noble. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for work to get Maggie Stiefvater's new book that came out on the 10th, to no avail. So I decided to listen to the Speak Now album on the way there, great fun was had. I'm super excited to read the book because everything that Maggie touches is literal gold. But I'm biased. I mean, I do have a tattoo that her book series inspired. I'm only about ten pages into the book, but it's very intriguing. More on this as the weeks progress.

When I came home, the power was already back on, despite it not being the full three hours that I was told it would be, so that was something to be thankful for. I ended up doing my boosts as soon as I got home, while playing a spell or two of Splatoon. I mean, that's just honestly all I do anymore. OH, also, I was doing section work and found that statue of the Dia de los Muertos married couple that I've been obsessed with since we've gotten Halloween stuff in. I put it up there to buy one day, forgot, and thought someone had put in back in Seasonal. But upon finding it, I went ahead and bought it. I even named them from when I first found them, so here's a lovely picture of Raoul and Francesca standing on their new home atop a copy of my book.

Precious angels. After that, I settled into an early night (early here means before midnight) and settled into bed with That '70s Show. I almost forgot too, Monday night, I did some HIIT excersies and I've been sore ever since. I think it was the squats, I think I went a little too hard on them. But that's what happens when I listen to ...Ready For It? I've been on a kick over this and the last blog that I posted where I've just been listening to both LWYMMD and RFI on a loop. I guess that little break I took to not tire of them worked because now I'm back to listening to them both probably about ten times a day. Honestly, Taylor just needs to drop another promo single so I can add another roster to my  rotation. I also watched the episode of Riverdale that I had missed so I was caught up, but I probably won't watch tonight's episode live because I have a hotel to book. I'll get to that in a sec.

I actually set earlier alarms this morning so that I could get some breakfast from McDonald's because honestly, I just deserve it. Anyway, so that was wonderful. I got up so early, coffee wasn't ready, and I couldn't wait, so I didn't end up having any coffee this morning, so that was a bummer. But the day ended up being a pretty good one, despite what happened. So the visit was not a good one, go figure, so we're doing this thing where we deep dive as a team into departments. Cap, work picks, zone, change on hands and shelf cap, the whole nine. While this is good in theory, and EVERY department either needs it or could benefit from it, it takes us away from our own departments, which is already the problem. But ya know, in due time, I hope. First up was Wendy, so we went to work on that. It wasn't too bad, just I didn't see my own department until after two. To be expected, I suppose.

So Pam asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. Teresa is still out sick, and Destiny was off today, so it was just me and her as far as original members of LunchCrew2K17. We invited Wendy and Amber, so we thus became LunchCrewAdvised2K17, and we had a blast. Since it's Wednesday, we went back to Macado's to get our Southwestern Quesadilla because BITCH. And we complained about things, like normal, and thought about how bad it's going to be when Warden gets back tomorrow, from being off today. It's going to be bad, I can feel it.

After lunch, we went back to help Wendy, but because I had over 200 price changes, I had to leave at 2 and go back to my department (As well as most everybody else). It really wasn't a bad day, it truly wasn't, but I got absolutely nothing done in my department today, aside from what price changes I was actually able to get done. All my freight from this morning was left for overnight to run, thankfully to Dennis, so we'll so how that went in the morning.

The weirdest thing happened when I was leaving work. I got into my car, like normal, and plugged up my phone to play music, like normal, (and by music, I mean ...Ready For It? and Look What You Made Me Do), and it wouldn't work. It would play CDs, it would play the radio, but it would not play music from my phone. It would charge it, so obviously everything is working correctly, but it refused to play music from my phone. So then I started panicking, thinking it has to be my car, but because it's still charging, it has to be my phone. So I listened to the 1989 CD I have in my car on the way home to get my Taylor fix and Googled that shit as soon as I got home. The internet was saying try restarting your phone, but I saw an article that said look for an update, and sure enough, there was an update available that said "addressing audio playback issues". Tell me how in the fuck my car knew my phone needed to update before I did? What an age we live in.

And since I've been home today? I haven't done much. Played some Splatoon 2, caught up on some Shane Dawson videos, and now, I'm about to book the hotel for Nashville! Because Aloft is going to be so expensive, just for one night, I'm going to go through my discount from work to get a cheaper hotel, and I've found a good one. Plus, Benzo got the official thumbs up that she can probably have Saturday off to go down with me, so it's looking good. After I book the hotel, I think I'm going to work on boosts for a little bit, because I've almost hit 1600 and I have a self made goal of hitting 2000 before the ticket site goes down and you can't gain anymore haha. Oh, and that Do It For Her post I made on Tumblr? It's at 1,493 notes. I'm basically Tumblr famous. Not really, but I can dream, I guess haha.

And my selfie trend has continued. And because I know my avid following (aka, just me) wants to see those pics, here they are.


So artsy, so edgy. 

Luckily, I haven't been too hot from not having the AC unit in my room. It's been so cold at night, I haven't had to worry about it. I've even had to turn my fan that faces my bed off to sleep because I was getting to cold when I was laying down. But I'll always be a sweat demon.

Forever a demon exuding heat,

-- Jesse