Sunday, December 31, 2017

Lightweight Lucy

| Now Playing: Adore by Dean Lewis |

I'm just gonna stand with my bag hanging off my left arm,
I'm just gonna walk home kicking stones at parked cars.
But I had a great night,
'Cause you kept rubbing against my arm.
So I'm just gonna stand with my bag hanging off my left arm.

Get me a drink,
I get drunk off one sip just so I can adore you.
I want the entire street out of town,
Just so I can be alone with you.
Now go when you're ready,
My head's getting heavy pressed against your arm.
I adore you.

I'm known as a right-hands slugger,
Anybody else wanna touch my lover?

Wow, the past few days have actually been pretty incredible. Laid back, euphoric, happy. I've just had a really good couple of days. So right after I got off work on Thursday, literally as I was getting in my car and plugging it up to my car, I got a text from Allen asking me if I wanted to come up and join him for dinner. Amanda and CJ were going to be there and I was elated. I was so ready for that. So I got my bearings and tried me best to shower and get ready before heading out to a specific gas station just so I could get my hands on some Boone's Farm Sangria. But like I had feared, they had stopped selling it. But what they did have were the 40oz Smirnoff Screwdrivers that I like so much, so I snatched three of those and headed up to Blacksburg.

It was honestly one of the most fun nights of my life. I got there, and everyone was there (even though West was still back home with family) and we started drinking. By the time dinner was ready, I was already getting pretty drunk, just from one of my drinks. But the dinner, my god. Allen made zucchini boats filled with chicken and garlic pesto and cheese and was hands down one of the best things I've ever had. It was so fucking good, and I was just salivating for more. So after that, and I was already drunk by the end of my first drink because in case it isn't apparent, I've really become a lightweight, I don't know how we came to this decision, but it was decided that we were going to be singing songs from musicals and basically performing them as a group haha. So an opening group number, two duets for the couples, solos for each of us, and a closing group number haha. It was so much fun! Allen and I sang Light My Candle, and it was, again, the most fun ever. Our closing number was Cinderella from the Cheetah Girls because we're the coolest people alive haha. God, that night was so amazing. Then around midnight, CJ and Amanda left (after bonding with CJ over quoting Spongebob episodes haha) and Allen and I had the place to ourselves. He's such an incredible guy, truly, and the more time I spend with him, the more I want to be around him. We had a great night together, just exploring our time together, and I just really like him a lot.

We had discussed the whole getting together for New Year's thing. They were getting together to go to the Park for New Year's Eve. And while that's not exactly my scene, and it makes me super anxious and nervous, I've decided that I want to go with them. I'm sort of tired of not putting myself out there, you know? I want to try new things, experience things I normally would shy away from. I want to push myself. But we were also going to go to the wine tasting, but on Saturday, Allen was really sick and couldn't do it, which I totally don't think mixing wine on his stomach like that would have been a good idea, so it all worked out. I'm hoping I get to see him today, even if we don't end up going to the Park. But if we do end up going to the Park, I'm all for it. I'm ready to break free from my terror and just let loose and be carefree about it.

Also, this is the last blog of 2017! Looking back, 2017 has been an absolutely crazy year for me. I started 2017 living with my mom, being back home with her and my brother, and that was a great experience. I was formatting my book, and editing, and it was a really stressful ordeal to undertake when living in a place that has no internet. Then, my book came out in May. And that still blows my mind? Like...I put out a book...a real book...and people can read it? That's still so crazy to me, and I'm so excited for what will happen with the book in 2018. The audiobook for Sever is coming really soon, so there's that, but who knows. Maybe some more dreams of mine can come true in 2018. Then, I changed departments at work in July. I got super sick just before that, and my ear problem was born. I still haven't seen a doctor about it, because, like last time, I'm about to go back on a week of overnights AGAIN in my department, so I can't go quite yet. I started blogging twice a week in July, and that's been a fun way to look back at my year, and see everything I've faced. I moved out of my mom's house in July, and back in with my grandparents. I survived Taylor Swift releasing an album this year when NO ONE thought she was going to. I got tickets to her tour. I met such a beautiful and wonderful guy over the holidays this year. I finally got a new computer, and an iMac, which i've always wanted.

It's just been a crazy year, specifically the past six months really. Ever since I released my book at the end of May, life has been in hyper drive and just super hectic and crazy. But honestly, the thing I'm most excited about as this year comes to a close is the fact that I'm in a better head space. Things were getting too dark in my head, as my earlier blogs can attest to, but I feel so much better now. I know what my goals are, I know what my focuses should be, and I want to work on being a better me. Fitter, healthier, wiser, smarter. I just want to be a better Justin. And 2018, you better fucking get ready for it.

Lightweight in libation but heavyweight in soul,

-- Justin

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Special Guest Star

| Now Playing: Strangers by Sigrid |

Just like in the movies,
It starts to rain and we...
We're the broken beauties,
Blindfolded minds collide and we fall...
When the curtain drops,
Our touch is just a touch.
Not like in the movies,
Our story's after the end like

Perfect pretenders
We're falling head over heels,
For something that ain't real.
It could never be us,
Hey, just you and I

Perfect pretenders
We're falling head over heels,
For something that ain't real.
It could never be us,
Hey, just you and I

So, Christmas has come and gone, and it's just been a wave of emotions. I sit here on Wednesday night, feeling every bit of my Carrie Bradshaw fantasy, just sort of in awe of everything that I've felt over the past few days. From literally hanging on to my last few dollars before payday, to the emotional woes brought on from Christmas, all the way to today's unexpected woes and elation. It's just been a lot, but I'm super thankful that the ending to the past couple days have been much less rocky than the start.

To start, Christmas. The lead up to Christmas was a lot. I only worked a four hour shift on Sunday,  and it was busy, but not nearly as busy as Saturday, which I'm eternally grateful for. It went by in a flash, and I actually had people to help me again. And by the time it was over, Christmas Eve was lit. Literally, because I was drinking for the third night in a row haha. I started drinking screwdrivers with my grandma, and then my grandpa joined us with his Crown and Coke, and then the music was brought out, and the party began haha. I never ever want to forget this Christmas Eve. It was just so joyful and full of fun and love, I can't get over it. We just listened to music spanning from the 50's to the 80's, ending in me rapping my ass off for them haha. It was just a lot of fun, and something I really will look back on as one of the best Holiday themed nights of my life. Plus, that big "exciting" gift that my grandparents have been baiting me with? My grandma wanted to give it to me that night, and it ended up being a record player. How long have I gone now with having Taylor Swift vinyls to play but no record player? Now, I can't say that haha. I'm just super grateful for it and to have them in my life, I truly can't express it enough.

Then, the next morning. I finally got a decent time out of my mom about when I should head down there. So, I got up after setting a modest alarm, but when I pulled into the driveway at about ten on the dot, no one was home. I hoped, and was thankful that my assumptions panned out, that my brother was at least home, so that prevented from me waiting in the cold or in my car. And i get that because of the snow and the mountains that Shawn's kids live on that it took long, but it was after 11 by the time they got to the house, and I was crunched on time because of the late start to the festivities, so I was a little miffed, but still trying to get into the groove. Only, it didn't feel like I was well received? It just felt like, the entire time, like I was a guest at this families Christmas, like I wasn't a part of it? It's really hard to describe accurately without me coming off like some sort of ungrateful brat, but I just felt like a fly on the wall, invited guest that was interrupting their Christmas. It was all about Shawn and his kids, and that's all fine and well, but...I'm here too?? And I knew that this Christmas was going to be hard to top after last year, being back at home, living there, no significant others to bring the vibe down from any party. But it just didn't feel like I was supposed to be there. And that has nothing to do with the gifts, I could care less about getting gifts. I just, felt like a guest,  and that's not how I would expect or like to feel considering the fact that it was my mother's house.

Leaving there, Christmas with everyone back at my grandparents, my house, was great. Ayden was freaking adorable as usual and really makes me want a child of my own, and everyone was just great to be around. It's sort of what I wanted to feel at my mom's, but ya know. I got like a 100 bucks, which ended up getting me the best gift I've ever given myself haha, and some great clothes and stuff to wear to work, which I super needed. It was just a great night. Mom got me this notebook from the Red era that's out of print, that I was SUPER excited about. Plus some songbooks so I can further my desire to learn guitar. In retrospect, in was a goodnight. Work after all that, was too much. I was over it and I was so ready to be off today. You know, same old stuff, expected to do the work of four, but ya know. Especially annoying considering that it was, oh, you know, the day after Christmas...

But, one good thing was, I got paid Tuesday, finally, after literally having 47 cents to my name before my check went in. And I decided to treat myself a little and get myself some Christmas presents of my own. I can't tell you how excited I was when I learned that we had, and that the creators had changed their minds, the 18th season of the Simpsons on DVD at work. So I bought that and a 2018 Taylor Swift calendar because, I mean, come on. And then, randomly, I was checking the Facebook Marketplace, not even for anything in particular, when I stumbled on someone selling an iMac from 2008...for 175 dollars. Like...what? That's insane. And I really didn't think I would be sitting here today, an owner of an iMac, but here I am? I had a good feeling about it and met with the guy (with my grandma coming with because I know better than to go alone) and bought it...and I'm using it for the first time to type this blog. How is that even real life? I've been wanting an Apple computer for literally the longest time now, and now that I have one, even if it is a used older model, blows my mind. I'm in love with it and I'm speechless over it. Another gift for myself, I know, but I really needed a new computer, and for 175, and it's a Mac?? Literally can't beat it.

I got together with Benzo today, because both of us happened to be off. I was trying to see Pitch Perfect 3 with Faith Rose but that didn't pan out, plus she had some family stuff to attend to, so it all worked out in the end. And while we were getting ready to get together, she ordered me a gift from work and had it available for pickup, and I was itching to know what it was. We get to the store, and the bitch bought me an Apple TV. I'm not shitting you, another Apple thing that I've been wanting for a long ass time. Bitch always comes through. I love her so much. So literally, this Post-Christmas was sponsored by Apple haha. I'm in love with the Apple TV, it's so easy to use, and now I can start buying more digital stuff and leave the DVDs in the past. Except Grey's, Simpsons, and maybe Will & Grace. Benzo and I got Alejandro's, after we went to AT&T and got her an iPhone X! Both super wonderful events haha.

And, on Christmas Day, I asked Allen what he was doing this weekend for the New Year, and he read my mind and asked about us getting together for New Years. And then he read my mind again Tuesday, after I was talking to Sam in Asset about wanting to go to a wine tasting, and then later that night...he asked if I wanted to go to a wine tasting with him Friday haha. The guy's just really great. I actually bought him a Christmas gift during this Post-Christmas joy, so I'm hoping to surprise him by telling him about it this weekend. So basically what I'm saying is Christmas was a little rocky, but Post-Christmas, as I'm officially coining it this year, was amazing. Maybe next year can be a little easier, but honestly, Post-Christmas for the win. I'm just super thankful for this year and everything I've been blessed with, that honestly, I can't really ask for much more.

Guest starring this Christmas but being billed as Main Cast during Post-Christmas,

-- Justin

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Screwdriver Nights

| Now Playing: Christmases When You Were Mine by Taylor Swift |

Please take down the mistletoe,
'Cause I don't wanna think about that right now.
'Cause everything I want is miles away,
In a snow covered little town.
My mama's in the kitchen,
Worryin' about me.
Season's greetings, hope you're well.
Well I'm doing alright,
If you were wondering.
Lately I can never tell.
I know this shouldn't be a lonely time,
But there were Christmases when you were mine.

I've been doing fine without you, really,
Up until the nights got cold.
And everybody's here except you, baby.
Seems like everyone's got someone to hold.
But for me it's just a lonely time,
'Cause there were Christmases when you were mine.

Merry Christmas everybody,
That'll have to be something I just say this year.
Bet you got your mom another sweater,
And were your cousins late again?
When you were putting up the lights this year,
Did you notice one less pair of hands?
I know this shouldn't be a lonely time,
But there were Christmases when I didn't,
Wonder how you are tonight.
'Cause there were Christmases when you were mine.
You were mine.

In the spirit of me getting into the holiday cheer mere days before Christmas actually descends upon the masses, a little Taylor Swift holiday song appears in the NP haha. And I swear, I do actually listen to other music than Taylor Swift sometimes. But only sometimes haha. Now that I've featured, and rightfully so because it's such an incredible album, every song off of reputation, we can get into other music haha.

So the past few days have been pretty much consumed by two things: Work and alcohol, in that order. The past two days in particular have been absolutely insane as far as work goes. No, I'm serious. Insane. It's absolutely unreal the amount of people that are last minute shopping this year. This is my fifth year here, my fifth holiday here, and I've never seen in this bad. Today, for instance, looked like Black Friday, and that's saying something. Because NO DAY looks like Black Friday, but this was easily comparable. THAT'S how crazy it was, and how crazy it has been. Today was definitely better than the day before, only because I actually had adequate, or any period, help moving stuff out to the department. Roughly 15 carts came out of the back today. I'd say that's definitely an accomplishment, but I couldn't have done it without the help I was given today, no joke.

I'm a little annoyed, despite my heart and mindset finally connecting with the holiday at hand, by one thing that's Christmas involved. Every year, like reliable clockwork, Christmas always works the same for me. I always go to my mom's in the early morning, and then I head to my grandparents. Now while this is a little different, since I'm living with my grandparents, but honestly, I think it's always worked that way even with that taken into account. But there's this weird energy, in my opinion, concerning Christmas at my mom's. For instance, there's all the unsettled, undiscussed issues going on with my brother's attitude lately, then factoring in my mom's boyfriend, who I do genuinely like as a person, but he's just a little off in the manner of...I don't even know how to phrase it. He's just got some deep seeded issues, and no matter how well he's coping or doing, it just makes my defense mechanism in regards to my mom lock and go into full protect mode. I know there's nothing that I can do really in this situation, but I just feel like something is off this year. For once, I know this makes me sound like an utter bitch, but I really don't want his kids there?? I know, I know. That's a horrible thing to say. It's just that, and this is just a raw indication of how I feel, like my mom has the tendency to...lean? That's a good way to put it. She has a tendency to lean on her relationships a little too much. And by this I mean that it's awarded her laser focus, and I feel like her own wants, or needs, take a back burner. Maybe that's just a water sign trait, because I've definitely been guilty of this in the past, but it just sucks to see her still going through that sort of thing. And in this respect, I feel like she's sort of making sure that he's taken care of this Christmas, not even gift wise, just in a general sort of consideration. I feel like she's making sure that he's having the best Christmas, and her wants for him this Christmas take precedence over anything else.

Again, I'm really not trying to be a bitch. But factoring all those things together, it just makes me miss how things were last year. Hell, last Christmas was the first Christmas IN HISTORY that it was just me, my mom, and my brother having our Christmas at her house. No boyfriends from any party, no bystanders, just us. And that Christmas will always have such a place in my heart. Not because I'm unwilling to accept change or anything, I just have a lot of...hang-ups when it comes to that relationship, and it's low-key affecting my relationship with her, because I'm getting annoyed with her that she's letting it happen, but what can I do? I'm an adult, and I should just get over it. Not that I should have to just feel sort of neglected or like I'm placed on the back burner, but I've made it a point in being a being ready to adapt, like some type of gay, I've-endured-the-cruelty-of-the-world-being-gay-and-i-come-from-a-family-of-divorce chameleon. I guess we'll have to see how it goes, I suppose. I'm just...not looking forward to it, and I really hate to even say that, but I don't know. Maybe I should just quit complaining and be thankful.

So the past week or so, something else that's happened, is after dinner, I keep falling asleep for like an hour. Did I mention that before? If I did, oh well. But yeah, that's been an occurrence lately. But the past two days have been the evenings filled with after work screwdrivers, and honestly, they've just been a blessing. Maybe minus my drunken flirting with Allen, because I'm a mess. Yesterday was great because he was being playfully teasing and I was into it, but today, I was definitely more drunk than yesterday, and I think I was coming off a little strong. I don't know, I've just been enjoying the after work cocktails, and I really want to get some margarita ingredients so I can have after work margaritas haha.

Speaking of coming off strong, or honestly, maybe not, I really like Allen. Like, I really like Allen. It's something that I wasn't expecting or looking for, and while it's definitely a little scary, it's so exciting. Honestly, I had just reserved myself for single days and nights, well, honestly, forever. I had made peace with that, even if I did have that longing for connecting with someone. And now that I have connected with someone and we're continuing to connect, it just feels so great. And I know we've only gone on one official date, and then I went to that get together at his house last weekend, but we've talked every single day since the day we connected, and that's meant so much to me. The thing is, I don't know if it's too soon to talk about, like, being official? I don't know, I'm not very good at like the "rules" or anything that goes along with dating because I'm just not good at dating. I'm good at being alone. But that doesn't mean that I want to be alone, you know? I want to bring it up, but I really don't want to fuck this up, because in case you've forgotten, I really like Allen. It's just, I don't know. It's hard for me to articulate just what this beautiful guy does to me. He's just so pure and funny, and he makes me want to be a better version of myself. I don't know, these are just the ramblings of my sputtering heart I guess, and I don't even know what I'm going on about now haha. I just really like him a lot.

Well, now that I'm completely sobered up from my drunken stupor, and the hour and a half nap that it lead to earlier in the evening, and I'm feeling a second wave of consciousness, I guess that's it? I have to work tomorrow, good ol' Christmas Eve, but only at noon and only for four hours, so that's good. I think I'll settle into bed with the Simpsons, like I've been doing on my "I need something happy and whimsical" kick while on my That '70s Show embargo in leui of this "happy and whimsical" feeling haha. I'm really digging this new blog format, by the way. Just pouring out my feelings and ramblings, I could get used to this.

Eyes full of liquor soaked nights,

-- Justin

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

The Zero Place

| Now Playing: New Year's Day by Taylor Swift |

There's glitter on the floor after the party,
Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby.
Candlewax and polaroids on the hardwood floor,
You and me from the night before, but.

Don't read, the last page
But I stay, when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away.
I want, your midnights,
But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day.

You squeeze me hands three times in the back of the taxi,
I can tell that it's gonna be a long road.
I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe,
Or if you strike out and you're crawling home.

Don't read, the last page
But I stay, when it's hard or it's wrong or you're making mistakes.
I want, your midnights,
But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day.

Hold on, to the memories
They will hold on to you.
Hold on, to the memories
They will hold on to you.
Hold on, to the memories
They will hold on to you.
And I will hold on to you.

This blog is going to be a little different. Actually, it's going to be a lot different, I think from here on out, actually. I don't want to "recap" my days anymore. Honestly, they're just full of rage from work, and that's just not what I'm about. Or rather, it's not what I want to be about anymore. I want this to be a stream of raw consciousness, from me to the reader. Sure, this is about me I guess, since it is my blog and all, but I'm sort of over this whole "Here's what I did on Monday, here's what I did on Tuesday" motif that I've sort of been reveling in since I starting blogging again, and definitely since this blog started. When it first started, this was just a place to house my feelings, not a daily reel on what I did throughout my day. I'm still going to have a 'Now Playing' in every blog, because I love music, and I want to share the music I'm listening to, even if it's just so a future version of myself can look back and say "Hey! I remember that song! I remember how I felt when I was really zoned in on that song.". I just want to get back to blogging, I guess. Sharing my feelings. Sharing the struggles. Just not recapping. I'm sorry, recapping can't come to the phone right now. Why? Because she's dead. (You know I had to sneak some Taylor in there).

The whole new outlook on what this blog will become actually derived from work today, so I am going to get into that a little bit. I was off yesterday, and I was sort of really dreading work this morning. With everything that happened on Monday, something just wasn't sitting right with me. So I was worried. I mean, Monday was a horrid day to begin with, full of company visits and said company going through my bookbag without my permission. It just really stressed me out. And with how vocal I am at work (which is something that I'm trying to grab the reigns on, because being this mass of angry one-liners is just really making me into something I never intended to be), I was worried that, for a lack of a better analogy, my actions (here meaning words) would have consequences. I just don't like being someone who's angry and everything. And while I don't think I'll ever to be able to truly let my feelings not be known, I don't want to be angry. Anger has never been something that I've wanted to be a part of. It was my problem before when I was working here, and I don't want that to happen again. I'm still going to be sassy, because I'm just a sassy bitch, and I'll throw out one-liners because that's just what I do. But it's no longer going to come from a place of anger.

Today while I was at work, coming back from a day off, and seeing so much. So much here means three pick carts and four breakpacks just left for me to deal with, I got so angry. I'm was so angry because I work so hard, and work so hard to be the best that I can be while I'm at work, and being angry just has no room. That's how I came to what I'm now referring to The Zero Place. Because it's quite clear that, no matter how much I speak out, no matter what evidence I bring forth, no matter what I do, no matter what makes me angry, it's not going to change. And if it's not going to change, then I have to. And my change, is just letting go of it. Letting go of that anger, of that "weight of the world on my shoulders" mentality when it comes to work. I've just got to quit caring so much about how I'm doing, or what's going on around me, because certain things just won't change. So I started doing some deep breathing while I was in the backroom, and just got to my Zero Place. I don't know why, but I instantly pictured, like, a beautifully lit field. A slight breeze, it feels like it's 73 and perfect, and it's just peaceful. No hate, no prejudice, just serenity.

And I don't know why, but that just really helped me get back to zero. To refresh, to recharge. After I kept thinking about The Zero Place in general, I just felt better. Things aren't going to change at work, it's not going to get less chaotic, but my mind can be. I even started making up my own musical theater song (because I thought The Zero Place is a place where showtunes reign supreme haha) called A Wonderful Place For Me And You. I don't even remember how it went, because I was just singing lyrics out of my head into thin air, but it doesn't matter. I just felt connected to this hypothetical place where I could feel okay again. Then I started thinking about it further, and if one song could feel the way that I picture this place, this serene calm, it would be Never Let You Go by Jakaranda. Aka, the song that plays in the Wedding Dress photoshoot scene in The Parent Trap. You know, the one (the better one, in my opinion) that starred a young Lindsay Lohan? It's one of my favorite films ever, but that song's atmosphere is The Zero Place.

And even throughout the rest of the day, not caring about the non-changes that will never take place at work didn't bother me. With every instance, I just kept thinking "The Zero Place" in my head, and I was okay. I was back in the field, with the singular tree behind me (think the place in The Knowing where the kids go after the end of the world? Except WAY less moody and more 'perfect day' blue and sunshine), just feeling carefree. I want to feel the same way that I do outside of work, while I'm working. I want to be the same person I am outside of work, while I'm working. And I think with The Zero Place, I can achieve that. I know this probably sounds really stupid, but it's all just a massive metaphor for me learning to deal with the animosity that breeds around work. Just take a look at my earlier posts, riddled with work ridicule. I just can't do it anymore.

On Monday after work, I got to work on writing for the first time in what felt like forever. Truly. And this isn't recapping, I swear, but it's just important because it'd been a little while. Starting chapter eight felt amazing, even though that started way before Monday after work, and during my day off on Tuesday, when I wrote more, it just clicked for me how happy I was. Writing, doing what I love. I know I've said it time and time again, but writing is what I'm meant to do. Being a storyteller, a craftsman of creative plots, it's just what I was put on this Earth to do. And I don't know how, and I don't know when, but I will, someday, make a living off of it. It's just in the cards for me.

Alright, so I guess we're bringing this blog to a close, or this blog's sun is setting quickly over the brim of the horizon. I don't know, I just felt like this blog needed a change, not just my work attitude. Since...a while, this blog has been a graveyard of work details, a myriad of work bashing that I just can't do because...what am I helping? Who am I helping? Certainly not myself. It's good to get it out, and to vent and everything of that nature, but that's not what this blog was meant for. I want this blog to be a place where I can ebb my feelings into, where I can have safe space to allow my thoughts to live, where I can remember the struggles I'm facing for that inevitable day when I can make this, writing, like I'm doing on this very blog, my livelihood.

Finally at zero,

-- Jesse Justin

Saturday, December 16, 2017

To Perfection

| Now Playing: This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things by Taylor Swift |

It was so nice being friends again,
There I was giving you a second chance,
But you stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand.
And therein lies the issue,
Friends don't try to trick you,
Get you on the phone and mind twist you.
And so I took an axe to a mended fence.
But I'm not the only friend you've lost lately,
If only you weren't, so shady.

This is why we can't have nice, things,
Because you break them, I have to take them,
This is why we can't have nice, things,
Did you think I wouldn't hear all the things you said about me?
This is why we can't have, nice things.

Here's a toast to my real friends,
They don't care about that he said, she said.
And here's to my baby,
He ain't reading what they call me lately.
And here's to my mama,
Had to listen to all this drama.
And here's to you, 'cause forgiveness, is a nice thing to do.
I can't even say it with a straight face.

Helho. Here we are, on this lovely Saturday evening, riding the equal-part waves of infatuation, lethargy, and acid reflux. Doesn't make sense, does it? Probably because I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's be kind and rewind.

So after I laid down Wednesday, I ended up selecting The Santa Clause to watch while I went to sleep. I don't know, I just really wanted something light and whimsical, and apparently Tim Allen did it for me? All I know is I fell asleep even before halfway through. Then I headed into work. I had carts of freight, but I ended up working what I could by myself. By the time lunch and everything rolled around, I was still working on carts. I don't even really remember what I did for lunch that day. Faith Rose was finally working again, so I feel like we did something. Oh, we went to Sheetz with Morgan, that's what it was haha. But literally the rest of the work day was spent trying to get this ONE pallets from the trailer stocked in Toys, and it was a mad house. Seanathan Michael Preston tried to help me, but he kept getting pulled away and everything. And we were just so busy in my department, that you couldn't stock anything without people being down the ailse you needed or getting stopped for questions. I ended up leaving the rest of the pallet for Skyler to work because it was already after four and I was heading for a breakdown if I didn't leave.

I came home from work, must have done something, but I couldn't tell you what because I don't really remember a whole hell of a lot. That's what happens when I don't daily blog. It's just too much for me to try and remember. 

The next day wasn't too bad, just a little annoying towards the end. The day started with work, and me having four pick carts to run through, as well as five pallets that were constructed from the freight outside on the trailers. I was like oh heyll naw. But luckily, all the DMs were rounded up after the morning meeting to help me get all of it ran. Which, again, I'm super thankful for, but I still, and probably always will, feel bad about them being pulled from their own departments. Also, I didn't have a handheld until way later in the day, so I was already kind of peeved about that. 

During break, Faith Rose, Morgan, and I went outside, and Mary Ann was cracking us up because she randomly looked up, said "There's an airplane", paused, then said "to per-FECK-tion", and we were rolling. I don't know why she was emphasizing the second syllable so much, but it was hilarious. And then Destiny surprised me when she saw a truck drive and said he reminded her of the crab guy from Monsters Inc, and it was so descriptive and out of left field, that I ended up falling off the table outside haha. It was just too much for me to handle.

Faith Rose, Morgan, and I headed to lunch at Wendy's, and there's was drama when we got back. SOMEONE was really questioning when we clocked out and stuff, it was just enough. Destiny and I were definitely over It's just so pointless, like how about we worry about something that matters? I don't know. But I kept trying to bin the overstock from the DM stock that morning, finally got a handheld, and kept that up. Then I was trying to leave at 3, because I had an hour of overtime, and I just wanted to go, especially with the get together at Allen's that I had to prepare for. But I stayed to get done all 41 of my negative on hands, which literally took me an entire hour to get them done because that screen is literally so damn slow. 

Then I bought a bottle of Chardonnay for Allen at work, and was trying to figure out what I wanted. I really wanted the Bacardi 40oz Razz, but the gas station up by Burger King near the house didn't have any, and then Kroger didn't have them so I settled for Smirnoff Screwdrivers and Smirnoff Green Apples haha. Which I love, so that was fine. Then I came home and finished watching Santa Clause from the other night. Allen said the get together was being pushed back by an hour, so I headed out to get something to eat. Taco Bell probably wasn't the best of choices, but I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I had Taco Bell and it was so fucking good. But then I made the drive up there, got a little turned around because it's Blacksburg, but arrived at the apartment. And even though Allen had to FaceTime me so I could find the right building, I made it.

And I was nervous. I mean, I was super comfortable around Allen, but meeting his roommate, and other friends made me super nervous. I'm so glad that Amanda Leigh was there because at least I had that energy to bounce off of. But it was a lot of fun! I met West (His roommate) their friend Kaydan (Who is a senior at Longwood where they graduate from), and CJ, who I'm pretty sure Amanda is dating? Not too sure on the details, but the evidence points to yes haha. We played Cards Against Humanity, which was fun. Talked with Allen about his work, and he was rubbing my leg and from then I knew I was a goner haha. He's just too damn cute. But later on, it was decided that I was staying the night, so there was that. After all the shenanigans with everyone using West's Alexa, and Amanda and CJ left, the four of us had some pizza, and then it was time to bring the night to a close.

Allen and I went into his bedroom and were talking about life and random things really, and we're laying there on his bed, holding each other, and it just felt so easy and comfortable. Then he asked if he could kiss me, which really is just like the cutest thing ever, and it was very nice after that. I'll never forget it simply because of how just...good it felt, it's hard to describe. It's just never felt so easy to like be with someone? I don't know, I'm doing a terrible job of explaining it. But he kept letting out these little laughs and telling me how adorable I was, and it was just a great time. Nothing crazy happened, mostly because it was past 4 AM and ya girl was tired. But it was just, definitely a night to remember.

And lastly, but certainly not least, that leaves today. I woke up, and went into the living room at Allen's place, everyone else was already up. West kept talking about getting brunch the night before, so that was the plan, but Kaydan was heading home, and there was some hilarious picking between the three of them that I got to witness. Then, the plan was to go see Star Wars, which I didn't end up going, but ya know. So after Kaydan left, West, Allen, and I headed to Highway 55 to grab something to eat, even though it really wasn't "brunch" food haha. 

After that we went back to the apartment, West and Allen needed to do some schoolwork / studying and were headed to Starbucks so I just decided to head home. I was a little confused as to why the Star Wars plans had changed simply because I didn't know when they were going, but it ended up being for the best because my stomach was really upset. So I drove home, loaded my bingo money on my card at work, because my Best Buy payment hadn't come out yet and I'm freaking out over money, which I just checked and it did, so I was freaking out for no reason, thank God. Then I chilled for a little bit, started watching Santa Clause 2 but decided I needed a nap from the heat-drenched sleep from the night before, and woke up to a text from Allen that they got out of the movies, which would have been a little late for moi, because apparently I needed sleep haha, so it all worked out in the end. Then, I took a shower, I'm dealing with acid reflux from the dinner I had when I ate before my nap, and here we are. I'm so ready to sleep, but am I lame for whatever for wishing Allen was here? I feel very spoiled from the night before haha. But anyway, here's to more weekends like this blog's details.

Enjoying the perfection,

-- Jesse

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

BINGO 4: Dammit, Phyllis

| Now Playing: Dress by Taylor Swift |

I'm not even gonna try.
And if I get burned,
At least we were electrified.
I'm spilling wine in the bathtub,
You kiss my face and we're both drunk.
Everyone thinks that they know us,
But they know nothing about
All of the silence and patience,
pining and anticipation,
My hands are shaking from holding back from you.
All of the silence and patience,
Pining and desperately waiting,
My hands are shaking from all this.

Say my name and everything just stops,
I don't want you like a best friend.
Only bought this dress so you could take it off,
Take it off.
Carve your name into my bedpost,
'Cause I don't want you like a best friend.
Only bought this dress so you could take it off,
Take it off.

Flashback when you met me,
Your buzzcut and my hair bleached.
Even in my worst times,
You could see the best in me.
Flashback to my mistakes,
My rebounds, my earthquakes.
Even in my worst lies,
You saw the truth in me.
And I woke up just in time,
Now I wake you by your side.
My one and only, my lifeline.
I woke up just in time,
Now I wake up by your side.
My hands shake, Can't explain this.

There's an indentation, in the shape of you.
Only bought this dress so you could take it off.
You made your mark on me, golden tattoo.
Only bought this dress so you could take it off.

Wow, it's actually the day I'm blogging about. I'm not gonna even say that I'm going to attempt to blog every day, because we see how that's worked in the past. So let's just get started. I ended up taking a shower last night, then went to bed with That '70s Show. And I slept like really hard last night too because I woke up refreshed and just feeling pretty decent. Which bring us to...

I don't know why I love these headers that I've been trying out, but I really do haha. So I got up, made my coffee, because it's always needed (and my goal was to not spill it in the backroom like I did yesterday haha) and headed into work. And as soon as I got there, I was already a fake nail because I was pressed. One of my features wasn't set, which I get it, moving shelves is too much to ask, so that's my fault for thinking it was going to be done because of that. Then I saw five pick carts in the back, so that didn't help things. And it also didn't help that all the DM's were made to help me run my picks. Which I know is a good thing for me, but it makes me feel bad because they're being pulled from their own departments, and that's not good for them. I don't know, maybe it's just the empath in me, but I hate when they have to help me, even though I'm grateful for the help, and it's much needed. 

Thank God Faith Rose was there. Anymore, I just need her there haha. And today was her birthday! I wanted to do something more special, but I ended up buying her some cheese pretzels and French onion dip like we love haha. So happy birthday to my little Faith Rose, and congrats on not being a teenager anymore haha. I swear, she makes me feel way older than I am. So we had loose plans to get together for lunch, and I was spending the rest of my morning trying to finish putting up the feature that didn't get done last night, which is hard when you're running a high volume department around Christmas time. Plus, after hunting for both the Shnooks and the sloth fingerlings I was supposed to get in, I had to deal with the fingerlings, which was hectic, because I had Shirl aka Sweet Lady (That's just what I call her haha) coming down to the store specifically to get it. And I don't ever wanna hear I don't go above and beyond for my customers because I've been giving out my number so I can tell people when fingerlings are in. Just saying. But dealing with that was sort of crazy and why my morning was filled to the brim with aggravation.

But then lunch happened, and it was just gonna be me and Faith Rose, but Morgan ended up joining us last minute, which was great. OH! I totally forgot about break. So during break, Leslie was talking about this thing called Trumpy Bear, and it's literally a Trump knockoff bear. BUT ITS REAL. AND I WAS DYING LAUGHING. The commercial is literally so fucking hilarious, and if I can find it, I'll link in right under this haha.

I just can't with that haha. When they pulled the flag out, and brushed its hair, and even had a REAL VETERAN endorsing it, all was lost. I just couldn't take it haha. But lunch was great, Faith Rose, Morgan Francesca and I headed over to Sheetz, then ate in Faith Rose's car, and it was just really fun. Coming back, drama ensued. Literally the entire rest of the day was just drama and then lots of hectic work for me. So when we were coming back from lunch, apparently it was busy and/or was busy while we were eating, and they were saying that they were tired of all of us going at the same time (even though it's listed in routine for us to go at 11...) and that they were gonna start scheduling us individual lunch times. Because obviously we're children being guided by even younger children. Then there was this whole thing at the work station, unplugging the computers until we dealt with these breakpacks, also another case of childlike behavior, that got worse when SOMEONE decided to throw all of it in the floor, break some candles, the works. And worst of all, my Faith Rose and Morgan got stuck sorting through it all. The empath in me was filled with rage and just overall done-ness with the childishness going on around there most days. Then I was moving ride-ons inside from the trailer up to the seasonal box until about 4:30. It was a lot. 

And because I was feeling a lot and going through it, I stopped at Hanging Rock to get the Lotto Moscato that I loved so much when I was 21 haha, but they didn't have it, so I got two cans of Strawberitas because a bitch just needed alcohol. But as soon as I got home, Benzo called me and said her and Savanna (even though I got this text earlier in the day) were gonna go play bingo, but a bitch is literally broke until payday Tamar Braxt, but Sav was gonna swing it for me, so we ended up meeting at Alejandro's, the best. Which Benzo and I haven't been to in fiveever, so that was good. Then we headed back to Salem and got to the Moose Lodge during Early Bird bingo, so we had time to get our shit together. We saw Gloria Gladys and Beatrice Barbara, and that blonde that's always close to them. I decided she needed a name too, so I called her Phyllis. And bitch, Phyllis kept looking at us while we waiting during Early Bird bingo like we were being loud or something, which we weren't, and I was over But then bingo started and I won! 50 bucks because someone else got bingo too, but I got it during the X double bingo game!

AND THEN. I won AGAIN, this time the full 100 dollars, during double bingo later on!

It truly was a twice blessed day during bingo. But the sadness was brought to our attention, next Monday, the Salem moose isn't doing Bingo nights anymore. I got the skinny from the lovely girl behind the counter that takes food orders (LOVE her) and she said it's just a money thing, and there's not enough people that come to make them enough money. It was super sad. And Benzo was saying that both Gloria Gladys and Beatrice Barbara were looking sad. And because she was being rude to us earlier, we blamed it on Phyllis. But I also actually started crying thinking about the sweet tea but mostly the mozzarella sticks they have, so Benzo got us some for one last bingo food hurrah, so that was great. 

Then I came home, flirted with Allen through text because he's literally so fucking adorable, and now I've stayed up wait too late (thankfully I'm off Tamar Braxt) writing this blog haha. But hey, at least I did one day while it was happening! The plan for tomorrow is relax, order my car's registration renewal, and get some writing done. But no strict plans, because a bitch needs rest. 

So I definitely waiting until Wednesday to get the rest of this blog done haha. I ended up seeing if the rumors were true about The Swift Life coming out at midnight, plus I couldn't sleep anyway, so I was exhausted Tuesday night. But anyway. Since I was off on Tuesday, I didn't really do a whole hell of a lot. I didn't even wake up until after noon, because apparently my body really needed this sleep or something. Aside from feeling like I had wasted my entire day away, I slept pretty good. I also had this weird dream where I was like surrounded by space. Like, the sky was space, but I was on this like floating platform or something where there was a hall of doors. The lighting was all blues and purples and it was just like a hall of alternate realities, because I opened one door, and saw Seanathan Michael Preston in...let's just say, in a way that was VERY opposite from reality. I just, can't deal. But it brought about a possible story idea, not the Sean part, but the hall of alternate realities part, so we'll see how that fairs in the future.

I got up, made some coffee, then did a little bit of writing. Literally, a little bit. Got a better hold of scene 2 in chapter eight though, so I'm grateful for whatever little I did get accomplished. Then I don't think I really did anything much. Oh wait, yeah I did. I filmed three reactions videos haha. I filmed one for Demi Lovato's Tell Me You Love Me music video, and then both Superfruit's Fantasy and Keep Me coming music videos. Come to think of it, I was pretty productive during the day. Here's the link for the Demi video, as the Superfruit videos aren't edited and posted yet. Demi's went up today.

I'm still not over the fact that Jesse Williams was in the video. That hot specimen of the Lord. Anyway, after I filmed all three videos, I edited the TMYLM video and scheduled it for today at 11am, which is what I did for all my Dream Daddy videos (RIP) and I don't know why that's the time I go for, maybe it's because of Joseph Birdsong? #ThePowerOfJoe. Then, towards dinner time, I went into the kitchen, at a piece of leftover Hamburger Pie, and started drinking. Keep in mind, I'm not much of a drinker. And I hadn't eaten anything until that piece of pie, so that probably didn't help. But bitch, I was chasing my Strawberitas...with whipped cream. Yep, it's true. I'm that bitch haha. But even after the first 20oz can, I was feeling it. By the time I finished the second one, and was finally finishing Twister in my room, I was fully drunk. From two Bud Light flavored beers. Like, who am I? Remember when 21 year old Justin drank an entire bottle of vodka by himself and didn't feel anything? I've literally become such a lightweight. But once I sobered up, I ended up trying to stay up for The Swift Life, which didn't come out, but I also really struggled getting to sleep period. It was really a lot. And then I woke up around 4AM, in some terrible stomach pain. Literally I woke up from the pain. I don't know if it was the Hamburger Pie or the cheese sticks I had after I was super drunk, but something wasn't right. I finally went back to sleep, but then my alarm went off, and it was time for work.

And now we're up to speed. So today wasn't really that bad, or really that interesting, but alas. One thing that happened Tuesday that I forgot to mention was Allen asked what I was doing this weekend, and that he wanted to have a get together at his place, and wanted me to come. Obviously I'm down, but I'm super nervous. I know I'd be super comfortable with him, but with people I don't know?? Super anxiety haha. But I told him I'd have to see if Faith Rose and Morgan and I weren't getting together for Destiny's birthday celebration, but that I'm totally down. I'm just really nervous haha.

I came in to four pick carts, go figure, and a pallet of overstock. But honestly, at this point, I just roll with it and do what I can do. I'm so used to doing everything alone and not being able to finish everything, that literally none of it bothers me. So that's what I was doing this morning. After the morning meeting, we zoned Housewares, then went to break, then ended up zoning in Toys. The rest of the morning was spent planning out features and picks. It's just a lot when you literally have the busiest department in the store at the moment, so I spent so much more of my time helping customers than anything. 

Lunch was fine, watched Joe play a Home Alone SNES game, ate chips alone in my car, the pervious usual haha. It's the first lunch I've really had to myself in a while, but it was needed and lovely. After lunch, I decided to rededicate myself to the picks, which, again, was hard to do because I kept helping customers, and Donna with paint, and customers, you get the jist. But it didn't end up being too bad of a day. Faith Rose was off, but I had my support system. Shanan had to do this package check thing that they had to do now? I don't know, it's weird, but yeah. And when I got home? I was SHOOK because low and behold, with no announcement, The Swift Life was in the app store! I instantly downloaded it, and I'm obsessed. Literally. I love the Taymoji, the font of the posts you can make, it's just wonderful. I'm still super confused, but you know. Luckily, in other news, Allen did confirm that Amanda will be at the party Friday night, so I'll know someone haha. Now I'm not as nervous, but still, pretty nervous. And now, I'm gonna get into bed, probably mess around on The Swift Life some more, message the new Rep Tour DC Snapchat group I joined thanks to Swift Life, and lay down. I might forgo That '70s Show tonight because I want some like cartoons or something? I don't know why.

Blaming Phyllis for the demise of Bingo,

-- Jesse

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Will Dan & Lisa Make It?

| Now Playing: End Game by Taylor Swift |

Big reputation, big reputation
Ooh you and me got big reputations
Ahh, and you heard about me
Ooh, I got some big enemies.
Big reputation, big reputation
Ooh you and me would be a big conversation
Ahh, and I heard about you
Ooh, you like the bad ones too.

I hit you like bang
We tried to forget it but we just couldn't.
And I bury hatchets
But I keep maps of where I put 'em.
Reputation proceeds me,
They told you I'm crazy.
I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me.
And I can't let you go,
Your handprints' on my soul.
It's like your eyes are liquor,
It's like your body is gold.
You've been calling my bluff,
On all my usual tricks
So here's the truth from my red lips.

I wanna be your end game,
I wanna be your first string,
I wanna be your A team.
I wanna be your, end game, end game.

Another blog, another missed day. I mean, it's become the norm lately for me to either be writing one of the blogs on a different post date or for me to just be posting late in general. I don't know what it is with me lately, but I just can't get it together. For example, today's Sunday and I'm recapping the blog. Although, in my defense, the last blog was written on Thursday, so I figured that by waiting until today, Sunday, to do today's blog, it would be more potent. But it probably won't be haha. Let's just get to it.

Waking up for work wasn't too bad, it just felt a little haggard than normal because I was off the day before, and that's just a rough start to any normal back to work day, but lucky I had Saturday off, so I had that driving me through the morning, and through the motivation to actually get out of bed. It was also a little tough because I was so fucked up from the finale of Slasher, which ended perfectly and the creator of the show, Aaron Martin, ended up replying to my tweet, so I was pretty excited about that haha. But once I got to work, it wasn't too bad. I'm not gonna lie, I can't really remember a whole hell of a lot but what I do remember was around lunch time haha. Faith Rose wanted to hear some of my DTFD stories, so I was telling her all about my last relationship leading up to all the Leo stuff. But what's even crazier? That when me, her, and Gwendolyn headed to KFC's buffet for lunch, I swear to you that I saw him. I swear it. Of course, there's always the chance that it wasn't him, but it had to be, just for the fact that our eyes met as I was outside walking back to the car and he was sitting inside, and when our eyes did meet, he whipped his head away from me so fast. So while that isn't proof, I just feel like some stranger wouldn't whip their head with the intensity that he did, so therefore, I think it was him. Wow, that was a crazy run-on sentence, but oh well. Anyway, I guess work was sort of pretty tame because I don't remember a whole hell of a lot of it. I guess I was moving features and plotting everything like that.

But once I got off work, I immediately sat down and started writing, which was a true blessing because it's been a little while since I've been in that crucial crux of soul-flow creativity, so it was amazing to get back into it. I finished the first scene out of five for this chapter, and I think I listened to Melodrama in it's entirety...four times I think? Literally haha. I was writing for most of the night, and I ain't mad at it. Oh, I do remember it was getting busy at work though, because it was supposed to snow, but even on the way home from work, there was nothing. The rest of the night was pretty unremarkable, other than that I finally gave into one of the movies I've been craving lately (The other is Jumanji) so I laid myself up in bed and started watching Twister. Literally one of my favorite movies ever, but I ended up falling asleep like halfway through, so I still have to watch the rest of it at some point. But while I was writing, I took some pretty killer pictures, but only one of them really turned out, so here's that.

YES BITCH WOOOOORRRRK. I titled it on Instagram after one of Lorde's lyrics from Sober II (Melodrama). "They'll talk about us and discover how we kiss and kill each other." which also happens to be one of my favorites lyrics from that song. Oh, I don't think I mentioned it, but I also got my Taylor Swift snake keychain, so also, here's that. 

Hiss hiss, bitch. I fucking love it. Also, this is random and has nothing to do with Friday, but I weirdly got the inkling to get this tattooed today? I don't know though, I'm still pretty set on my Album Title constellations, but we shall see. I just thought it would look pretty cool, but I don't know. I'm not much of a snake person usually.

So I woke up around ten or so, but I lounged around in bed because day off. I was feeling so lethargic and just feeling like I needed to rest, that I didn't end up doing much of anything. The first time I got out of bed was when I got an email saying that my guitar had been delivered, which bewildered me because I wasn't even supposed to get in until Monday. But once I emerged from the pit of my bed, low and behold, my guitar was waiting for me in the living room. I also saw that it had actually snowed some overnight, so that was nice to see. My grandma said my guitar had gotten here early in the morning, but I was none the wiser, and home girl's email got that good delay. So after scarfing down some quick breakfast and literally sharing in the delicacies that is the daiquiri with my grandma, I headed to my room to unbox and learn something on my brand new guitar! It's black and lovely and very reputation era. I would upload a pic, but I ripped open the box before I could get a picture of it. But here's a picture that I literally just took as I was writing this blog haha.

So after I got super frustrated with learning the guitar through the DVD that came with it, I decided to just relax, and somehow I stumbled upon Dragula. So here's the thing, I've heard of Dragula before, but I didn't really know what it was. But it looked like a darker, filthier, just overall edgier version of Drag Race, so I started watching Season 2 because at the time I wasn't aware that Season 1 was also on YouTube haha. But bitch. I was fucking obsessed. Like I binged all the episodes of Season 2 that are up, because it's still airing Season 2 right now, and I'm fucking in love. It's so much more grittier and just darker, kind of like Sharon Needles' drag but amped to a thousand, and I'm fucking here for it. And even though my main bitch only lasted two episodes (What up Monikkie, hey girl), I'm super excited to finish that. Then, after I was caught up, I started watching Season 1, since I found it on YouTube as well, but then I accidentally fell asleep...for over three hours. I literally woke up, and it was after ten pm. And given the fact that I had to work today, I was annoyed haha. But I stayed up a little bit, watching more of Season 7 of That '70s Show, and struggled to get back to sleep, but finally, after like one am, I finally fell back to sleep.

And that brings us to today. I woke up, not knowing what in the hell was going on, I think because of how hard it was for me to fall back asleep after my Dragula-induced nap, but I was thinking to myself "how long have I even been asleep?" and "how much longer until my alarm goes off?". And before I could even roll over to check, my alarm started going off. But considering the unscheduled nap, I slept pretty good. I turned on my Sam & Joe podcast and started getting ready. With my coffee under my wing, I headed to work. I stopped by Hardee's on the way in because I just really felt like I needed some type of food in my system for whatever reason, so after eating, I headed on inside. I wasn't really looking forward to the day because Faith Rose worked the day before, which she usually works Sundays with me so I'mma need her to cut out the Saturdays prontinto, but at least I had Morgan Francesca there with me. And since I didn't have any picks, just overstock, I made my morning focus the bins. They needed to be heavily capped, sorted to make room, and just overall, they needed attention, so that's what I did all morning. Listened to reputation in it's entirety, because I'm still listening to it non-stop because I have a serious problem, listened to some covers too, then once Seanathan Michael James Preston (Morgana started adding the James, so I'm testing it out. I'm here for it, but I'm also leaving it? We shall see) got there, I refocused on the department and getting it ready for the features coming in tonight, plus I had to build an endcap for a feature, and an endcap for all my fidget spinners because they went clearance, so ya girl had a lot on her plate.

One of the more leisurely things that happened today, that actually just made my day better, was Morgan and I were at the workstation, and Sean was there with us. And somehow we got on the topic of Mr. Movie Fone and like the voice that does movie trailers, and Sean and I were talking about how we had always wanted to do that. So I made up one about the weather we've had, the snow, and how people freak out about it, so I said something like will there be enough bread and milk, and then Morgan started to record us as Sean was laughing, then he said something like "Will Dan and Lisa make it to Walmart before the storm" and then he saw Morgan recording, and he was like NOPE haha. It was so funny, and his little laugh after my bread and milk thing was hilarious through the filter Morgan had on snapchat haha. Good times.

Morgan and I also went to lunch together. We hit up Sheetz, I got my mac and cheese bites because you know who I am, and we ate it outside at the smoking break table, it was nice. Then we cackled some more over the snap of us and Sean, so that was fun. Then the rest of the day was me trying to work around the mass of people in my department, which was difficult to weather because I had so much to do, and I even ended up leaving work a little bit late because of things not being done, because of how busy my department was, so there's that. But everything ended up getting done. There was also this like Girl Scouts charity thing happening in Personnel the last half of the day, and it was sort of in the way of the fixture room, so that was sort of aggravating.

Once I got home, which was around 5 or so, because I finally dropped off my old phone at one of those USPS blue drop off boxes, thanks to my grandma knowing there was one down the road beside Orange Market, and ate a quick dinner. Then I set my sights on messing around with my guitar a little bit, and after a failed attempt, I finally gave Yousician a go, and I actually love it. It really does make learning on it fun, and it's very informative with it's lessons, so I think I'm gonna stick to doing that every day, if I can. Thanks to YouTube for the constants ads for it haha. And that brings us to now. Now, I might watch some YouTube, might watch some Dragula Season 1, might just chill. But I took this bomb selfie, so here's that.

Slay the scene, bitch. Anyway, here's hoping to more regular blogs (Even though I keep saying that and it keeps not happening) and possibly regular post times. I'm so glad that I'm off after tomorrow haha. I know that it's only two days before my next day off, but I need it, Lord. And how about the new headers for the days? Just something I'm trying out.

Really vying for Dan & Lisa,

-- Jesse

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

You Know, It's The Thing!

| Now Playing: Getaway Car by Taylor Swift |

It was the best of times, the worst of crimes
I struck a match and blew your mind.
But I didn't mean it,
And you didn't see it.
The ties were black, the lies were white
In shades of grey and candlelight.
I wanted to leave him,
I needed a reason.

X marks the spot, where we fell apart
He poisoned the well, I was lying to myself.
I knew it from the first Old Fashioned we were cursed,
We never had a shotgun shot in the dark.

You were driving the getaway car
We were flying by we never get far.
Don't pretend it's such a mystery,
Think about the place where you first met me.
Riding in a getaway car,
There were sirens in the beat of your heart.
Should've known I'd be the first to leave,
Think about the place where you first met me.
In a getaway car, no they never get far.
No, nothing good starts in a getaway car.

We were jet-set Bonnie and Clyde
Until I switched to the other side, to the other side.
It's no surprise I turned you in,
'Cause us traitors never win.
I'm in a getaway car,
I left you in a motel bar.
Put the money in the bag and I stole the keys,
That was the last time you ever saw me.

I was riding, in a getaway car
I was crying, in a getaway car
I was dying, in a getaway car
Said goodbye in, a getaway car

Guess who's back with the daily blogging? THIS BITCH. Or at least I'm going to try to anyway. There's no telling what the next few work days are going to be like, but here's to trying.

So after posting my last blog, I ended up laying in bed and just trying to relax, which was sort of difficult. I don't know if it was because I wasn't all that tired or because I was still riding the coattails of my date with Allen, but sleep wasn't coming to me as easily as I would have liked. So I was scrolling around on Tumblr, as a Swiftie does, and someone said to check your Ticketmaster page on because they were giving you your presale code date on the website itself instead of sending out emails. So I checked mine, and low and behold. There it was, in bold arial. It said that I was going to be receiving my presale code on Tuesday, which meant I had the best boosts because Tuesday is the earliest anyone has access to these tickets!
A bitch is so hyped for Tuesday now! And I truly appreciate the time being between 4 and 5 because a bitch also has to work haha.

So today at work was pretty chill. I was able to get a handheld, which is a new feeling for the day, but I'll take it. My lovely Faith Rose wasn't there, and I knew she was supposed to work so I was beside myself. It was my Terry Risa's birthday, so I had to text her happy birthday because I love her so much. And then Hell truly became a national glacier when Shanan came up to me at the work station saying that all DM's that were working we gonna come over to Toys and help me run my four carts of picks. WHAT? Toys getting help around the holidays? Never heard of it. But it was great getting the help, we got the four carts ran in record time. But then afterwards I found a fifth and final cart, and then Shanan found a bunch of Magic Tracks that I had to deal with. And because I was dealing with an empty four foot at the Pharmacy wall, I didn't go to lunch until 12, but that was okay because I got to spend lunch with Faith Rose. And it was funny because we ended up getting a pizza from the deli and I had tweeted earlier that morning how bad I wanted pizza?

So here we are, days later after I started writing this blog...go figure haha. Actually, a lot has happened since I started writing this blog on Sunday, and the main reason I was interrupted was because my phone wouldn't load and I really wanted that tweet for some reason, but anyway. It's currently Thursday afternoon, because I missed posting the blog, again, for very good reason, but I realize I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Let's go back to Monday, because all the rest of Sunday was just work and trying to get rid of features and pallets like usual.

To be perfectly honest, I don't really remember a whole lot of what went on on Monday. I can't quite recall what even happened on Monday. I know I spent the whole day plotting out features and everything, and trying to get to get to the picks, which I normally don't have time to do. Oh, I remember a little bit now. They had us running Apparel's freight, and we even had Seanathan Michael Preston helping us run it. So after that, we were able to hit our own departments, but it was already ten o'clock by that time.

Tuesday was much more interesting. And by interesting, I mean overwhelmingly emotional and the site cause of an emotional breakdown. For starters, I wasn't feeling good when I left work Monday, that much I do remember. And while I actually slept good for the first time in a while, especially since I've been sick, so I went into work trying to feel the best about work and everything. Well, the pitfall happened. So once I started actually working, I started feeling worse. I don't know if it was the ramifications of the day prior, or just the sickness getting worse before I felt better, but it just wasn't good.

So we started zoning Toys, and I was just started to feel really bad. I'm just so tired of all the stress and everything else. Plus, and I know it may seem stupid, but I had my mind on other things, like how I really need to get back to writing, and soon, and then there was the fact that my presale code for Taylor Swift tickets was getting texted to me from Ticketmaster after work, so I just wasn't there mentally either, which didn't help. I was trying to push out all of the picks, and all of the features, and it was just a lot. Plus, I got some news that wrecked me. They literally had us up front zoning the registers, and I was crying while zoning on the floor. It was a lot. I know that my friend is a lot happier capping away from the mess, but I was so pissed off by how it played out, I still call bullshit. It was just too much. It was then that I decided that mentally, emotionally, I needed to go home, the stress was just too much for me to handle. So I talked to Preston and told him I wanted to take the point, and go home early. Plus their was the added stress and pressure because a WDBJ7 contest winner was coming into our store later to purchase things, namely my department, and it was just too much all at once. I ended up going home at 2:30.

And I'm so glad I did. I was feeling awful, the stress was eating away at me, and the empathy for my friend was draining, so I really needed to get home. And not that it had anything to do with my leaving, I'm glad I was able to focus on getting my Taylor Swift tickets. The window for Ticketmaster said I would receive a text between 4 and 5pm. Well color me surprised when 5 passes and I have no code. Come to find out, they were doling them out one at a time, so that's why it was so delayed. Some people didn't get their code until after 8, and they were told between 4 and 5. But I got mine at around 5:30, and I got my tickets! Something happened when I tried to purchase seats, but they gave me seats in the same row, so I'm ecstatic. It still really hasn't sunk in yet. I have floor seats for Taylor's reputation stadium tour. THAT'S SO INSANE. This will be my second Taylor Swift show, but my 1989 tour experience was awful, and I'm hoping that our seats, while they are floor seats, aren't blocked by the stage like my 1989 ones were. But bitch, I'm seeing Taylor on the floor, what the fuck. July 10th can't come fast enough!!

Okay, so we've covered the sad and the great Taylor news, so let's try for a happier blog! So yesterday, Wednesday, was a great day, albeit a long one. So I ended up doing four pick carts, binning two pallets of overstock, and moving features to make room for multiple prenotes during the day. I felt bad for leaving, so I really wanted to push myself. Preston was really proud and appreciate, so that made me feel good. Also, the title comes from him haha. It actually happened out in the trailer that first day, when I first got the dust crap, and he talked about his dad playing Scattergories, and the title of this blog was way he would say in a New York accent to get Sean to guess it haha. Sean's pretty great. So it was also a good day because literally right after I got my tickets, I got an email from AT&T saying my phone was being shipped to my mom's house and would be available Wednesday night! So I was already planning on going down there. But Mom, who was in the ER until 5AM the whole night I was buying tickets, got cellulitis in her right arm, and needed medicine because it fucked up for her. So it worked out that I went down there anyway, plus having Thursday off helped. I went down there, talked to Mom and Josh a little bit, got my phone, and headed back home. Where it took my FOUR HOURS to get my phone backed up, switched over, and activated. But I'm officially in LOVE with my iPhone X and I'm so glad I got it. It literally only took my like twenty minutes to get accustomed to not having a home button. Totes recommend.

And today, since it is technically Thursday, I had to get up early to get my car inspected at First Team, got that done in about an hour, bought myself some McDonald's breakfast, went to AT&T to get a case on this very fragile phone, and then back home where I was tailed by a cop, which worried me because I was like oh shit I think my registration is out for November, which it is, but he ended up not pulling me over, thank God. So guess what I'm doing as soon as I get paid Tuesday? Gotta get them tags and soon, because my luck WILL run out with that, I know how cops are. And then the rest of the day? Watched some Trisha Paytas eat some Burger King, which really made me crave it, and then low and behold, my grandpa got us BK for dinner? Life is crazy that way haha. Then I've been bingeing Slasher on Netflix all day and IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD BITCH. LIKE they just revealed who the Executioner was and I'M FUCKED UP. But I'm gonna go watch the finale, start Season 7 of That '70s Show when I got to bed, and try and get better at blogging. Plus, I really need to get some writing done, and soon.

Knowing when a thing is in fact a thing,

-- Jesse

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Dust Pneumonia

| Now Playing: King Of My Heart by Taylor Swift |

I'm perfectly fine,
I live on my own.
I've made up my mind,
I'm better off being alone.
We met,
A few weeks ago.
Now you try on calling me baby,
Like trying on clothes.

It's late in the night,
The city's asleep.
Your love is a secret,
I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep.
Change my priorities,
The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury.

Salute to me, I'm your American Queen.
And you move to me, Like I'm a Motown beat.
And we rule this kingdom inside my room.
'Cause all the boys with their expensive cars,
With their Range Rovers and their Jaguars,
Never took my quite where you do.

And all at once, you are the one
I have been waiting for.
King of my heart, body and soul.
And all at once, you're all I want
I'll never let you go.
King of my heart, body and soul.

Is this the end of all the endings?
My broken bones are mending,
With all these nights we're spending.
Up on a roof with a school-girl crush,
Drinking beer out of plastic  cups.
Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff.
Baby all at once, this is enough.

Yay, another Saturday blog! And how in the hell is it December already? Literally, it's so crazy. It doesn't feel like I've been blogging pretty much full time for six months, but alas, here we are.  So I guess I've subconsciously vetoed the idea of Sunday blogs? I don't know haha. But I just like the whole Wed / Sat format that I've had since I started blogging, so I think I'm just going to stick to that. I actually just got back home, from a date (More on that later) and I'm just feeling really good? I mean, aside from my ears taking a told from the elevation changes, but I'm just in a really good mood. Thanks Allen!

Okay, so let's start with Thursday. So as I mentioned in the last blog, since I was actually constructing that on Thursday, ever since I was in the trailer on Tuesday, trying to get some semblance of order with my department's overstock, I've had this itch in the back of my throat, and it really started bothering me Thursday night. I was coughing here and there, and with my date looming over me, getting closer and closer, I just did not have the time or energy to be sick. I turned to the internet for a diagnosis because I'm a millennial, and I didn't even know that dust pneumonia is a thing. Inhaling large bouts of dirt and dust can give you cold and flu like symptoms, and that's exactly what has been happening to me. So after reading about all that stuff on the internet, I got some cold medicine from my grandma so I can try to combat this thing. The only down side being that this bottle of Mucinex PM was almost empty, so I knew it wasn't going to last me very long but, hey, something is better than nothing. But I was in the trailer, with a mask because a bitch is not messing around, all day at work, putting up overstock in the trailer. Literally, all day long.

I went to bed with That '70s Show like normal, but I'm lowkey thinking about switching to something else, only because the past few nights, Netflix has been giving my issues with loading and whatever, but I'm trying to hold out because I only have two seasons left, and then I'll probably start my very first whole through rewatch of Avatar: The Last Airbender because I'm a child and I absolutely love that show (Even though they totally ripped off a novel idea I had before the show came out, but I'm obviously over it). Oh, and Faith Rose and Terry Risa and I ate lunch in the breakroom Thursday, so that was nice. And I've been getting a lot closer to Destiny, mainly because I just love her so much. She confided in me something that no one else knows, so that was nice, and we got to freak out about it together haha. Plus, she's struggled with the same type of home things as I have, so that's been bringing us closer. Love me some Destiny Faith Rose. Insert a million blue heart emojis haha.

Work yesterday was good. There were four carts and two pallets of picks, except the only problem with that was about half of the carts were actually overstock, so unless it was picking stuff that didn't need to, which does happen, it was a huge waste of time. I'm hoping that the picking was just going crazy because I really don't want to assume that someone didn't do they're job, but you know. It happens. So that's what I spent most of the day doing. Oh, I forgot something about Thursday. So they kept talking about Walmart Pay during the morning meeting on Thursday. It's basically sort of like Apple Pay, you just scan something at the register and you don't have to swipe your card, and you get five free bucks for signing up this week, so a bitch was interested. So I did that for the first time and I absolutely love it. It's just so easy and fast and, yeah, paying from that way now on. Plus it automatically uploads to Savings Catcher, so it's just all in all a good thing.

After work Friday, I was feeling a little under the weather from this sickness, and I mentioned to Allen that I was feeling sick, but that as long as he didn't mind me coughing occasionally, that I was definitely still going through with our date plans. So after we settled a place, Cheddars, and a time, between 1 and 2, everything on that front was perfect. I was super excited for Taylor to play at the Jingle Ball in LA last night, and I had my camera out, ready to record my reaction, and the stream on CW up and running, but they weren't listing the order of the performers. And I was so tired from work and being sick, that there was no way I was going to be able to stay up and be able to film my reaction. So I went the fuck to sleep, to Cherry Pop, a movie on Netflix that Carey suggested to me that stars Bob The Drag Queen, Tempest DuJour, Detox, and just a fun movie centered around Drag Queens. I was trying to finish it before I went to sleep, but that's how tired I was. Literally slept.

So after sleeping in, and waking up at random times because I couldn't breathe, I finally got up. And after how crazy my voice was sounding and just how I was feeling in general, I got up and headed to the store to get some medicine, because even after the night and one day, I was out of that Mucinex my grandma had given me. And I was trying to avoid going to Walmart, since it's my day off and all, but alas, that's where I ended up going. I ran into Pam Pam, who was off but was asked to come in to help with an event Wendy is having in her department, saw Sharon and Wendy, then headed to Electronics with my things so I could get out of there, the registers were packed. And after talking to Cheyenne about Elena (I've been thinking about her a lot lately since her mom passed), I headed home to freak out over this impending date. But before I did that, I filmed my reaction to Taylor's set at Jingle Ball because I needed to get that done. And then it was time to meet Allen at Cheddar's haha.

And it was so bizarre. I've never really gone on a date and met someone where everything just felt so easy? Like it felt so natural to talk to him and keep the conversation going. We sat down and ordered our drinks (Maui Margaritas, what uuuupppp), and just talked up a storm. It was just really nice to sit down with someone and my nerves weren't all over the place and it just felt...right? I don't know, I don't wanna set myself up for anything but, it was just really refreshing. So after we finished eating, I wasn't quite ready to go walking around the park because I've become such a fucking lightweight when it comes to drinking, that I had to browse around Barnes & Noble just to sober myself up. I'm a tragic mess, I know. But then we headed up to Radford to hit up Bisset Park because if there's one place I've missed since leaving Radford, it's walking around the beautiful scenery around Bisset Park. So we walked around the entire park, talking and just having really good conversations about things like our careers and aspirations, and again, it just felt really good and right. Then we walked over the bridge (the area that inspired a scene in my book) and we kept walking and talking. Towards the end of the park, over the farthest parts, we sat down on a bench and talked for a little while, about kids and his job working with them and things of that nature, about traveling, places we'd love to go in general, and musicals we want to see haha. I just can't accurately express how good of a time it was. We noticed it was getting a little too dark, so we headed back to our cars, and we said goodnight. I'm still really mad at my sickness for kiss-blocking me, but next time will have to do. We kept talking a little bit, about tickets we've actually gotten haha, over our cars, and hugged twice before we finally parted. Obviously I listened to reputation there and back, so I've listened to it like three time all the way through today haha.

And here we are haha. I edited a little bit of my Jingle Ball reaction, but I'll have to do the rest of it later. I'm sort of winding down from the day and I just wanna lay in my bed, watch some TV, and get some sleep before I have to wake up for work in the morning. I'll be so glad when the holidays are over so I can get back to having weekends off. Also, people were supposed to be getting emails from Ticketmaster today, and as of 9:45, I still haven't gotten mine, and I wanna know what the hell is the hold up. I need my tickets, please.

Recovering slowly by surely from a dust-storm sickness,

-- Jesse