I'm dancing reckless but it's all a lie,
Don't have the patience to even say goodbye.
Last thing I should be doing,
But I keep doing it again and again.
Lately been thinking maybe,
The beat will save me from all of my friends.
How you feeling?
Heartbroken and jonesing for a nicotine rush,
Like a sad and lonely lush, alright.
How you feeling?
Three shots and hoping I'm not letting you down,
'Cause I don't do well in crowds, alright.
Drown it out, turn it out.
So tell me how you feeling!
I'm feeling, I'm feeling, I'm feeling, I'm feeling,
Alright, Alright.
___________________________________________________
It's so weird, thinking about the past few days. Because they haven't been awful? Like this week has been abnormally tame compared to weeks of the past, especially last week which was just really rough in a general sense. But I'm into it. I hope that it contingency because I have to work this weekend, and it would just be really great if that feeling of not wanting to explode from being Lucifer Christian Darkness. And even though I'm sort of not feeling work tomorrow, I'm glad some of my favorite people will be joining me.
After writing my last blog, my sleep has been compromised, but not in the way that it usually is. Normally, I just won't get any good sleep, but otherwise, I'm ready to go. Since my last blog? I've been actually having trouble getting out of bed. Like I know that I have to, because of work, but I literally can't even will myself out of bed. I wasn't late for work or anything, but it was just actually physically difficult to get myself out of bed. I don't know what's been wrong with me. Even today, on my day off, I laid in bed for almost two hours, just laying there, because I couldn't be bothered to get up an be productive. Who knows, maybe I'm on my plan or something.
The thing that kept me going throughout the day at work was the fact that TV was returning. TGIT houses two of my favorite shows of all time, so I was so excited. Plus, the enigmatic return of Will & Grace just makes my heart sing a ballad of years lost without this show. Will & Grace is one of my feel good shows, and having it back on the air, is just something that I'll never get over. It's just wonderful. So work wasn't too bad, I honestly can't even remember. I stuck to my guns and got to do everything I would normally be able to do. The only other thing I remember was that my Netflix wasn't working and I couldn't watch That '70s Show, and I haven't watched any since my last blog. Literally rude. But it was a good day.
Yesterday was good because my shows were obviously fire, and I was thinking about them all day. But also Shania Twain's new album came out! I, of course, supported the hell out of my queen by buying a physical album, because I just have to, it's her first album in 15 years! I'm such a massive Shania fan, so her having a new album out after so long is so special to me. I still haven't listened to it yet because I was going to react to it, but now, I don't think I'm going to. I'm just not feeling like recording anymore. I don't know. I'll still be recording my reaction to reputation because that's something I really want to do, but until then, I think I'm out of reactions. But I got to take the cardboard cutout of Shania home! Here's a picture of the queen.
And even though I said I'm probably not doing anymore reaction videos, I did react to Demi Lovato's new album, Tell Me You Love Me, which was a hoot and a holler. Here's that video if you want to see me react to my last video until November.
So that was fun. But then today, I just wasn't feeling anything, Mr. Krabs. I don't know why. I guess I'm just sort of feeling weird for whatever reason. Maybe it's the Lucifer Christian Darkness in me, but who can never be sure? I did do a small amount of writing, and typed up the rest of chapter six up in Scrivener, so that's productive. But other than that, all I've done on my day off is watch videos and think about things that I'm not doing, and I don't know what's wrong with me. This week hasn't been bad at all, but I don't know what's going on with me today. Benzo FaceTimed me there a while ago, talking about getting together, so maybe that'll happen, and cheer me up. Who the hell knows what's going on with me, to be honest. Maybe I just need some sleep. Or see my best friend.
I apologize for this being a shit blog. I'm just not into it today.
Vying for light, but always housing some darkness,
-- Jesse
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