Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Jesus Helvetica Christ

| Now Playing: Keep Me Coming by Superfruit |

You know I wanna stay the night,
You got me on the floor confessing.
Lead me on and you change your mind,
You keep me second guessing.

You tear me into pieces,
That's alright.
You torture and you tease me,
That's alright.
I'm running out of reasons,
That's alright.
'Cause you take it away, take it away,
And I want it back.

You keep me coming,
Keep me coming back for more.
You keep me coming,
Keep me coming back for more.
I know you know I want it,
You keep me coming,
Keep me coming back for more.
______________________________________________________

If my last blog post was the preamble to hell, then this blog is the epicenter of the eternal fire. It's been such a rough couple of days, that I don't even know where to begin. As usual, it's because of work stress that I'm out of sorts. I mean, how many blogs can I count that don't involve me reeling from work, and end up emotionally shorthanded during the weekend? I can count the ones that I don't on one hand, I would imagine. I just, I don't know. I know I keep saying that, but this time, I really don't. Especially after today. Even yesterday was absolutely horrific and my blood pressure was on such an emotional roller coaster, that for today to also be such a soulful whirlwind, it's all too overwhelming. Anyway, on to the main course.

The last day of my weekend was spend relaxing. I literally played more video games than I did writing, because it was just an off day in respect to writing, I guess. But at least I've been getting back into Splatoon 2. I've been playing so much Mario Kart lately that I've neglecting my lil baby. But Splatoon has been fire. Like today, I played six matches in a row that I WON. SIX. I've never won that much in a row because I always have to be the mom of the team and cover the HQ, but that's neither here nor there. Back to my point. I ended up playing a bunch of Splatoon and just being Lays Potato Chips and watching YouTube videos and whatnot. That part was great. But, like usual, the work week started, and thus Hell on Earth was unleashed.

So I can't really speak to this for Monday. Monday really was the MVP of the week. It wasn't a bad day, but I still wasn't able to stick to routine. Mainly because I had 660 price changes drop, but what can you do? I worked hard to get them cut in half at least, on top of running freight and everything else. They also had us in Infants for like an hour, just zoning, so that cut into time I could have been executing processes, but that's the way the cookie crumbles, Marty. They've also restarted the zone at two, and we're not allowed to do anything else but zone. So that's also been cutting into time. But ya know. Like I said, Monday was a blessing in comparison. A true, god-fearing blessing.

Because yesterday, I just can't. Like it actually causes me physical pain to think about. Actual lacerations across my heart. But I'll do my best. So walking in, there was more freight than usual for my department. Which isn't to say that it was a lot, a cart and a pallet, but still more than I normal would have, and thus throwing me off of my normal routine for the day. So there was that. Then my blood pressure met its first spike when I was told that the things I was already working, i.e., the pallet and the cart, was already worked. Which I found funny because everything that I was working was going out. Which means that someone wasn't doing exactly what they were supposed to be doing, which is so frustrating, because it means I have to go back and double check, and waste more time. But yeah. Especially when the home is empty? So frustrating. Then the second spike hit when Seanathan Michael told me that there was my stuff in the wrong bin and there was more to run. Then I check behind him, just to make sure he got everything, and I'm finding stuff that's being hidden behind over boxes. I was livid. I saw red. I heard sirens. Kill Bill sirens. I was a man possessed. It was just enough. It was just a dark day. And then the third spike came in knowing that tomorrow, meaning today, was going to be rough because Wednesday's are notoriously hard because most people have it off. And it was. Oh, it really was.

But it was so bad that I texted Benzo and asked if we could meet up at Alejandro's and pig out like the fatty fatty fat fat that I am. So we did, and it was scrumptious as usual. Then we went to Ross and Target, where I was literally blown away by their men's clothing selection. I very rarely go to Target, and probably haven't been in one since 1989 came out, so there's that. But they have multiple size fats so I was in heaven. Then we headed out to see mother!, which was a weird...interesting movie. Like, it has you going until the very last frame. It's crazy. But an interesting, good kind of crazy. I think. I'm still trying to process the damn thing haha.

I also had another nightmare last night. More murder and craziness matching some stuff from the weekend. In last night's, it was sort of like a movie. I was part of a group of teenage friends, and they were offed by a killer. The killer was revealed, three of us, myself included survived. Then it went like a year or so later, and we had new friends with us, and all but the three of us were killed again. It was revealed that one of the three of us were the killer this time, mourning over the loss of one of the friends from the first killing, blaming us for surviving. They murdered us before killing themselves. Then a third one, where I was inhabiting a new character, that ended up being the killer and getting away with it. I have fucked up dreams, y'all.

Today was a behemoth of underestimation. A unfathomable decline in moral, integrity, and overall work ethic. I'm still trying to recover from what happened today. I'll do my best not to lose it, to be honest. So everything was fine. Not fine, but better than yesterday. Even went back out to lunch with Teresa and Pam today (We also went out Monday and I ate at Zaxby's for the first time {it was alright}), and everything was just mediocre. Then the shrink meeting happened. And it wasn't too bad, until it took a turn for the worst. After AP asked us a question, on how we were gonna fix blah blah issue and what the issue was, we gave reasons. And verbatim? "Well if all you're gonna do is complain, then you need to quit your job. You're being paid to do a job for a reason, and if you can't do it without complaining, then you can go. You're all replaceable." I fucking kid you not. I was livid. I saw red. I heard sirens. Kill Bill sirens. It was just too much. I still can't get over it. I still have no idea how I'm going to go in there tomorrow and do my job without plateauing in depression. It's going to be so hard.

Tonight was the finale of Big Brother. Paul didn't win. Pissed. But ya know. And the title of this blog comes from what I've been saying lately. I always say Jesus H a lot, and ended up giving it a working middle name, since I have an infatuation with middle names for some reason. Also, during mother!, I came up with Lucifer Christian on the fly, because I'm HILARIOUS. Ignore me, I'm depressed. The one thing that's been keeping me going is Keep Me Coming, and Future Friends the album in general, keeping me pumped up. AND. My reputation merch is going to be here Tamar Braxt! I'm so excited to see it all. So that'll at least get me through the day. Or, at least, I'm hoping.

A bold face italic, 

-- Jesse

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