Writer's Retreat

| Now Playing: Out Loud by Gabbie Hanna |

I still taste your presence,
Once sweet but it turned sour.
Tried to shake your indifference,
But it's too late now.
I hear you in the quiet,
I see you when I'm in the dark.
You just couldn't fight for this,
But it's not your fault.

Say what you mean, out loud,
Drowning in silence, when I'm lost in the crowd.
'Cause every sweet thing you never speak,
Is deafening, never knowing what could be.
Wish I could show you how,
But you're just a ghost now.
_____________________________________________________

Let's be real. I haven't really been listening to anything but ...Ready For It? since it came out the other night, but I fell in love with Gabbie Show's (It's literally so weird to type her real name, I always refer to her as Gabbie Show) song that she dropped. Plus, I love the idea that the song was constructed from her content from her upcoming book. That's such a cool concept. I might even have to look into reading Adultolescence. Back to the normal trash. I'm also writing this like I did the last blog, in installments during the actual day in which said events occurred.

Heading back to work after being off on Wednesday wasn't too bad. I still didn't want to go, because I just had a feeling that it was going to be one of those days. I suppose that's why I got up early enough to get myself some of that good good. By which I mean McDonald's breakfast. After jamming out to ...Ready For It? on a consistent loop, I headed into work. My first mistake. I was really feeling good, and ready to take on the day. But a couple of department managers called out, which is totally fine, but since we don't have other associates, i.e., people in the departments that can help out us DM's, to cover their areas when they are away. Which is why I knew it was going to be an interesting day. My third eye, per usge, proved victoriously clairvoyant. I was helping Morgan run back and forth to Sporting Goods all morning. Plus, there was something about the people today, Lord Jesus above, formerly of the Cross. I swear. There must have been irritation swimming in the air. But anyways. C'est la vie.

My ear was also super bothering me. Before the morning meeting, I literally had to clutch on to my cart to keep from losing both my balance and my consciousness. It's getting worse. So so much worse. I can only assume it's getting more and more exacerbated by the happenings at work, but I just don't know how much longer I'm going to have my hearing. And that simple fact, that actual possibility, scares the living shit out of me. I was thinking about it the other night, and it brought me to tears. That's something that could actually happen if I don't get this stress under control and this ear problem under control. I could lose my hearing.

Moving on, the customer I dealt with during Pick Up today? Nightmare. Total nightmare. Not to mention that it almost took me an entire hour to settle the thing. Let's just say that buying display TVs are a pain, especially when the markdown labels don't work. And then add that with a wandering customer, it's just a mess. But the day wasn't too bad overall, my ear was just really really bothering me. Like it really never has before. Normally, when it bothers me, it bothers me and then I pop it back into place, through painful procedures, and it's done. But today, it throbbed after I popped it back into place. Throbbed throughout the rest of the day. And while it wasn't extremely painful, but it was so uncomfortable, I couldn't focus. So that was weighing on my mind all day long. And, because I had the Trend Pod mods to set, I stayed until 5:30. Plus, I really needed to be able to see Skyler and give him proper direction. All in a days work, I suppose.

Right before I went on lunch, Taylor Swift dropped some videos that she did with AT&T. Thank God I switched a while ago. I'm so glad I have the service that she drops all this new and behind the scenes content haha. But they were pretty cute videos. Well, because of these videos, the Tix site for taylorswift.com has changed. Now, you can watch both of the AT&T videos for a boost. Ten views per day. So I thought I was getting a bunch more boosts, since the lyric video and music video for LWYMMD can be viewed up to 20 times a day. But they scalped the views down to 10 views per day for each video, leaving the grand total of views for all four videos to 40, which was the amount total for the two videos before. I know I sound like a crazy person, being this obsessed with boosts and shit, but I just really want good seats to this tour. I have a feeling that this tour, this album is going to be the best thing ever for me, especially for bringing me through the darkest bit of my depression that's been forming like algae around my heart lately.

After getting all my boosts in, it was time for Big Brother. And since my TV is still fighting me over control, I found a great livestream of the episode. I missed Wednesday's episode, but the recap on tonight's episode caught me up. And girl, it was fucking intense. They blindsided Jason, and he was PISSED. Alex was PISSED. It was PISSED. And like, emotional, because Christmas and Josh were crying during the breaking tie vote, which I said to myself the other day would be the best way to vote, so kudos to me for being a Big Brother genius strategizer. Then, since it was Double Eviction night, they voted Raven out instead of Kevin! WHAT?! I was SHOCKED. I have no idea what's going to happen now. There's an eviction on both Wednesday and Thursday next week, and then it's the final. So I'm hoping for Christmas, Alex, and Paul. But if they don't blindside Paul, it's his, he has it. He's played such a smart, incredible, genius game all summer. I fucking love Big Brother.

And then there was Friday. My ear was still really bothering me, and it was making me feel like absolute garbage, so I ended up taking the day off. I really hated to do it, but I was so tired and my ear was just keeping me up all night. Anyways, if I was going to have the day off and not be at work, I was determined to make it worth it, by getting some writing done. So I got up, made a pot of coffee, and I got to work. And man, I'm so glad I did. I wrote a whopping twelve pages! It was all this flashback scene that I really didn't know how to get right, but just diving right in seemed to have worked the best. It's so good. This second book, on a content level, is just surpassing the first one, and I absolutely adore the first book haha. This one is just so much more laser focused and outright. It's all going according to plan.

After working on the book for about five hours or so, I proceeded to just chill and watch some Queer As Folk. I'm on Season 4 now, and admittedly almost done. All that's left is Season 5 and I'll feel the heartbroken blues yet again over finishing another series during a rewatch. And then once it was late enough in the day, I worked on my boosts for taylorswift.com. Also! They had a couple of items on "backorder" which I was like what the hell is that. But it's letting you have items that were sold out. And one of them was the Rep hat! So obviously, I splurged and got it because I'm Taylor Swift trash.

Other than that, the day has been pretty lax. It was Taylor's birthday (My cousin, not the acclaimed artist of my heart), and she was supposed to come over with Nikki around 8, but that ended up not happening. So maybe we'll end up doing something for her on Saturday.

I woke up today, and immediately worked on making today a repeat of yesterday on the writing front. Got my coffee, got my music, and got to work. I'm so damn proud of myself for the work I've gotten done on writing these past few days. 12 pages yesterday and another seven done today, it's been amazing. I'm just super proud of myself for getting so much done since I did miss work yesterday. I'm glad I'm making the most of my time. I even typed up everything that I got done yesterday too. I've been a busy little writing bee. It seems like almost all I've done since my last blog is write, and I'm so damn glad that's been my reality for the past few days. Writing has always been my sanctuary, so it's been nice to have a little retreat from reality and getting into what truly makes me happy, and that's writing.

I took a little break to go get gas, before we possibly get any of this Hurricane Irma weather and prices go up even higher. Even though gas is already at two and half dollars. After helping these sweet people at the pump who were having some trouble, I got my gas and headed back home. Then I was energized to get some more writing done. Then after dinner, I ended up typing up what I had done yesterday and then I've been working on my boosts for taylorswift.com. I'm probably just going to watch Queer As Folk for the rest of the night haha. One more day of this wonderful weekend left, and then it's back to reality (oop, there goes gravity). I plan on getting some more writing done tomorrow, so let's hope that dream comes to fruition.

Retreating to the sanctuary of writing,

-- Jesse