Saturday, July 15, 2017


| Now Playing: Worth It (Perfect) by Superfruit |

I gotta walk away,
Can't handle the dangerous games that you play.
Not tryna change you babe,
So keep on, Keep on.
I gotta look away,
Tried to write at your tempo but I can't keep up.
Not tryna change you babe,
So keep on, Keep on.

Ooh, yeah. And it was perfect.
Ooh, yeah. And no I don't regret it.

You pull me under, Give me something I never had,
Push me over with no time to push back.
I never felt so good or so bad, Went to hell and back,
But it was worth it.

It's only been four days since I last posted, and already so much has c h a n g e d. Weird is a word that comes to mind when thinking of the past three days and just how much has happened during each and every one of them.

Firstly, Thursday. Oh, Thursday. You were quite...altering, weren't you? Work has been the main focus of most of this change, the overall change during the past three days. I was working like normal, working that Pets manager life like a bitch do on the dail. And right before lunch, I get pulled into the office. Now, because of past experiences, I instantly get nervous when this happens, because they like to pull some quick shit and make people disappear, but I was told right off the bat from the even managerier manager that it wasn't a bad thing. But being the paranoid bitch that I am, I recorded the entire conversation on the sly.

Anyways, basically I was asked to move departments. Of course I use the word "asked" here as a very loose term meaning "We're just letting you know that you're moving departments." If it were a different department than Toys, one of the three departments I would actually accept working in, it would be a different story. But I've also been feeling very complacent in Pets lately because I can't do anything to help it anymore (With that damn pesky ass OSCA cackling in the corner, teasing me for it's lack of rising). So I "accepted", a term which here means "accepted the terms and conditions of everything else people set in stone", and went about my day, dealing with leaving a department that's been such a safety zone to me lately. I was literally told the words "you have a choice, but everything's set in motion".

Then after work, I fell into a hole I never thought I'd fall into. A hole of music that for so long was so foreign and...different that I had zero interest in discovering for myself. But because of the need for more music to write to, even though I don't know exactly how I found myself staring into this hole, it happened.

I fell in love with Lana Del Rey.

I know, I know. I'm hella late. It's just that she's never really appealed to me before. And I'm a huge believer that you have to discover an artist when the time is right and on your own terms. But I started listening to her Born To Die album, and it was all over. I think it'll be perfect to write to, and her narrative and her lyrics are just really interesting. That, and no one is really doing what she's doing right now, it's very different and very her. However, her Ultraviolence album? I couldn't get into. Which I hated, because I love the name. I listened to her Honeymoon album as well, and I liked about half of it. Born To Die just did it for me though. I'm keeping an eye out for her forthcoming album, Lust For Life. Even her Paradise EP was really grooving my soul.

And yesterday was weird because it was my last day in Pets, and I wasn't really ready to say goodbye to my comfortable companion. But everything happens for a reason, and I think it's been coming for a while now. I'm ready for the change. I just hope I can do as well, or even better, than I was able to do in Pets. It was spent trying to savor my last day in the department and telling everyone around me what was going on. I'm going to really miss being so connected to my Consumables Crew (Minus the one, no aPaulogies) but I'm super excited for the change. Plus, I think it's fitting that I'm moving from Department 8 down to Department 7. I hope to measure up to the praise I received from multiple co-workers about how well I maintained Pets.

Friday was also the day I returned back to my mom's house, back to the trailer. I was going to go back after work Tuesday, but after everything that happened, I needed a reprieve. I probably mentioned that in Saturday's blog, but call me a parrot because I'm repeating it girl. The return went well. Everyone was there of course, my brother was back from his dad's, so it was a full house and the full house was sweltering in full heat. It is so damn hot there. The central air isn't enough. ISN'T ENOUGH. Which is crazy. The metal box of the trailer is just cooking everyone. I can't portray exactly how damn hot it is. Just picture Lucifer himself sweating. That hot. Times eleven. Times infinity. Literally no joke.

I went straight into pack mode. I worked so hard Friday, getting the summer stuff done so I could have a real first day in Toys that I was wore the fuck out. So I was probably over doing it with as much as I was getting done. I got "all my books", a phrase here meaning a literal fuckton, packed away in TWO large trunks. I really have too many (not enough) books. And other various things that I saved for this return. Then it was time to load up the car, and my brother graciously helped with that. Then Mom sat down to talk, to update me on things, and so I could update her on everything changing hither and thither around work.

Things are better, light peeping out of the dark corridors from the folds of Monday. I'm super glad that the case seems to be, well, I won't say solved. On the way to solved. Yeah, that'll do. And even a little...intrigued? that I'm the inspiration behind his said turnaround. There's just a lot of progress to be made in the trust department on my end. And that's just the way cookie crumbles, Marty. But I'm glad things are a LOT better there. It's wondrous what a difference a week makes. But I still have tomorrow, Sunday, when I'm supposed to grab my big furniture, the remaining pieces of my move, over here to the house. I have reservations on this happening because of the unanswered text that lies unreplied in my inbox from my dad. Either way, I want it to be final already. So I can stop, stressing you know? Maybe I'll be able to use my grandma's car and maybe, by some miracle, it'll all fit. I wouldn't have my doubts if it weren't for that gloriously beautiful and equally massive bookcase I have. Maybe it'll work out. I'll have my faith and let it swirl in the wind, or whatever inspirational phrase I'm trying to express right there.

And then there was the small blessing Friday night of the Sims 4 Summer Sale on Origin, and I got the City Living expansion for half price. It's the little things in life that bring me the greatest joy.

Today was the first day in Toys. It was good. Better than good. But I feel like it was mainly alleviated by my proaction of moving the summer stuff around so I could focus on the department. And there was live freight, but it was very minimal. My worry lies in the hefty live freight that is inevitably going to plague me. I was running around all day, and busy all day, and got everything done without a hitch, but also barely with ten minutes to spare before the end of my shift. Therein lies my worry. But all in all, it seems like it's going to be a good change.

Minus the small disappointment in the phone call / FaceTime that was supposed to happen tonight, that I was looking forward to / getting nervous about all evening, the past few days have been super detailed and busy, but very good. I'm looking forward to enjoying what I can of my day off tomorrow with the impending loom of more moving, and gracious that I have a break in the week in the form of another day off to help me to better transition into Toys. Because there's a major impending reset that I'll have to go on overnights for a week to deal with. Luckily I'll have help, but having that on my mind means I'm grasping at any aid I can.

Also, a great honorable mention for the NP. I was going to feature Woman by Kesha, because its a mothereffing BOP, but Superfruit's Worth It (Perfect) has literally been waking me up from sleep it's been in my head so much.

And now, Joseph Birdsong is doing some gaming streaming. Like I said, it's the little things.

Subtracting the negatives,

-- Jesse

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