I never trust a narcissist,
But they love me.
So I play 'em like a violin,
And I make it look oh so easy.
'Cause for every lie I tell them,
They tell me three.
This is how the world works,
Now all he thinks about is me.
I can feel the flames on my skin,
Crimson red paint on my lips.
If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing.
I don't regret it one bit 'cause he had it coming.
They say I did something bad,
Then why's it feel so good?
They say I did something bad,
But why's it feels so...good?
Most fun I ever had,
And I'd do it over and over and over again if I could.
It just felt so...good...good.
They're burning all the witches even if you aren't one.
They got their pitchforks and proof,
They're receipts and reasons.
They're burning all the witches even if you aren't one.
So light me up, light me up, light me up, go ahead and light me up.
So good,
Why's it feel so good?
Why's it feel, why's it feel so good?
Bad.
It just felt so...good...good.
____________________________________________________________________________
It's currently ten til 9pm on Thursday night and I'm a fucking mess. Taylor is about to do a performance during tonight's episode of Scandal, the 300th episode of Grey's Anatomy is about to finishing airing, and reputation is just mere hours away from being released. I can't believe the moment is finally upon us. I think back to before this album was announced, and how depressed and just overall unhappy I was, and Taylor giving me these past three months to be excited about something and to anticipate something and give my life the rays of sunshine that it has so dearly missed is something that I'll never be able to repay her for. I know that may seem really stupid to some people, but she really has saved my life with this album. And I'm going to either cry, scream, faint or possibly all three when the album drops and I can listen to it for the first time. And that paired with this road trip happening with Benzo this weekend, I just couldn't be happier.
Anyways, work. Surprisingly, today was really good. I didn't have any freight, coffee kept me sane, and I spent the morning moving pallets around and things of that nature. I JUST CRIED SO HARD DURING THAT SCENE WITH MEREDITH AND ELLIS DURING GREYS I CAN'T DEAL. Sorry, I had a moment. Anyway, so many people were off today, and Market was back for Round Two, but at least I had Destiny Faith Rose, even though she was overwhelmed by notes from the day before. After lunch, which I spent watching Season 2 of Drag Race, I spent the rest of the day getting everything situated for the weekend.
I bought a dash mount for the road trip this weekend, so Benzo and I can belt out reputation while I drive and everything haha, and it's fantastic. iOttie makes some fanfreakingtastic products. I thought my vent mount by them was awesome, but the Easy Touch 3 is incredible. I love it. I tested that out, watched some Judge Judy over dinner, started filming my vlog and have footage of just how awkward I am, and went to town on my boosts while playing Super Mario Odyssey. I currently still have my first place title, but like I said before, I'm not banking on it. Now, I'm just waiting for Taylor's performance of New Year's Day during Scandal. Dude, I'm going to fucking pass out when this album comes out.
THE PERFORMANCE ON NEW YEARS DAY OH MY GOD. THE SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL IM PACKED BECAUSE I GOTTA GOOOOO. It's so soft of fragile, please protect this innocent babe at all costs. I filmed myself watching it, but might just use it as footage during my album reaction haha. HTGAWM GOT ME FUCKED UP TOO BITCH. Ugh, I'm just running on so many emotions tonight. How did we go from literally no word from Taylor AT ALL to the album coming out in less than an hour? Bitch, I'm fucking deceased. By the time I write the next paragraph of this blog, I will have listened to reputation in full. I'M NOT CRYING YOU ARE.
Flash forward to Wednesday...haha. Just so much has happened that I didn't have the energy or the time to properly post a blog on Saturday, so this one is just going to include basically and entire week's worth of events.
So obviously, I stayed up for the midnight release of reputation, and bitch. As you can imagine, I was fucked up. Hell, I'm still fucked up, to be quite Pocahonest. I stayed up until 6 AM, just to post my reaction of the album to YouTube, only for it to be taken down after about 2K views. I was really upset, still am, because I stayed up so late and worked so hard on it and it's honestly such a beautifully genuine reaction that I want people to see haha. I even uploaded it again once Benzo and I were in Nashville, but it got taken down even quicker, like after 300 views. But whatever. I have since been posting the songs individually, and that was working until today, my endgame video got taken down, but not from copyright. It's just "blocked" but it's still getting views? I don't know, I haven't researched it yet. But assuming it'll let me post my full video on my blog, I'll put it below.
So let's just talk about the album. Holy fuck. Literally, holy fuck. People at the Secret Sessions were saying this album is her best album yet, and bitch I was skeptic. But BITCH. They were wrong about Gorgeous being able to cut glass but they were fucking right about the album as a whole. It's fucking incredible. Hands down her best album. Production wise, lyrically, everything. Everyfuckingthing. This album is the album that I've literally have always wanted from her, and for her to deliver, bitch I'm into it. I Did Something Bad is probably my favorite, bitch goes OFF. That along with Don't Blame Me and So It Goes.. are probably my top 3, without a doubt. But it's so hard because the entire album is literally everything. Fuck.
Okay, so I didn't vlog. Sorry not sorry trademark Demi. I slept until like noon Friday because I stayed up so late editing my reaction to reputation. And then literally all I did was enjoy the Target magazines that came as I woke up and listened to reputation. Benzo got here later in the night. We slept, woke up around 8 and got ready to hit the road. Stopped at McDonald's for breakfast and drove down to Nashville. My check engine light came on, but everything was fine? I honestly think it was from bumps in the road but who knows. And we learned that we were in the central time zone?? Even though we've been to Nashville before?? And we didn't?? I can't. But we ordered pizza, went to one Jack In The Box where they literally lost their shit, went to another Jack In The Box where we could actually get some food, and then went to bed haha.
Sunday started with an anxiety attack for Benzo, and then I had one nearing the signing to meet Maggie Stiefvater. And it was just too much. We went into the bookstore but it was PACKED, Maggie was apparently doing a reading, and I was expecting less of a crowd and more of a signing, and with my anxiety already at compacity, I just couldn't do it. So we left. And honestly, it's good too because we didn't get back until 10:30PM and I was so worn out from driving 14 hours in two days. Literally came home and went straight to sleep with That '70s Show.
Monday we lounged around, I posted my reaction to just End Game, and Benzo and I went to the Moose Lodge and experienced BINGO 3: Beatrice Barbara, who is who we're calling Gloria Gladys' best friend at bingo haha. We didn't win anything, but it was still really fun. Then we came home and went to bed because we're adults haha.
Yesterday I went back to work for the first time since my little vacation and reputation's release and it was enough starring Jennifer Lopez. 9 pallets of freight. Literally enough. And today was the exact same. I'm just done with it. I can't believe I missed a day of blogging, but honestly it was so needed. Catch me bopping to reputation from now until the end of time.
Not caring about my reputation,
-- Jesse
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