| Now Playing: Honestly (Encore) by Gabbie Hanna |
Cross my heart and hope to die
You never cross my fucking mind
Do you know what your little lies
Do you know what I had to fight through
Nothing that you say is mildly true
Spit deceit through shifty smiles
Two faces you’ve had for a while
You act like such a fucking child
Who are you now, you’re so hostile
To me I’m feeling homicidal
You better run and try to hide
Oh I was living in denial
Through all this time you had my riled up
All this shit has finally piled up
There’s no chance of reconciling us
With the falsehoods I’ve been filling away
For months you made these stories up
Sick from the untruths you’re throwing up
Had me thinking I was crazy but
Turns out I’m your favorite thing to discuss
You keep on talking, shut up
You keep rubbing salt into the cut
Broke the cycle, need to reconstruct
You’re no good for me, I’m giving up
Baby you’re a loser and I’m
Ashamed to say I ever knew ya
A user taking all of give ya
I swear to God I’ll never miss ya
Swear to God I haven’t missed ya
God I hope I never miss ya
______________________________________________________________
It’s been a little bit, clearly. But there’s just been a lot going on and I haven’t really felt like blogging or writing anything down and things of that nature, hence the reclusive approach to content. And honestly, the song in the NP, I can not. It’s so damn good, I’ve been listening to it pretty much non-stop since I found out that Gabbie released her two new songs. Her music is just hella fire, so just praise the Hanna brand.
So work. Oh, has work been a crazy time. Remember how I mentioned that they basically just wanted me out of OGP? Well, that happened. Of course, this happened after I was trying to work things out scheduling wise with my assistant manager and my fellow DM. But after talking to the co-manager and hearing that “the store manager has the last day”, my fate was pretty much sealed. They didn’t, and don’t, care that I have a life outside of work, that work is not my entire life and that I can’t dedicate said life to serving said work like they so clearly want me to. So they gave me a choice: work in Hardware or work in Lawn & Garden...as a sales associate. What really pisses me off about that is the fact that I have busted my ass for the last 2+ years being a department head, working hard on being a better manager, learning all I can, and I’ve come so far in the past couple years being in a manager position. So having that taken away from me felt cheap and unsympathetic. They simply do not care about me at this store, and while that’s very disheartening, it hasn’t been ruining my efforts to better myself. In fact, I’d say it’s the main reason I’ve been on such a kick of trying to better myself. Working in Lawn & Garden hasn’t been bad. Frustrating, sure, but it’s good work and I’m basically making what I was as a department manager so the money isn’t the issue. Also, they haven’t given me a schedule, as in put me on the damn thing, so I’ve pretty much been making up my hours as I go.
Speaking of bettering myself, I finally buckled down and asked myself, “What do I really want to do?” It’s a question I of course already know the answer to: write. But the bigger question was “how do I make that happen on a bigger scale than I’m currently residing?” So, after feeling out into the universe for guidance and talking things over with my boyfriend, I decided that it was time to start constructing a query letter to send to literary agents. My absolute main goal is to be writing full-time, and to make decent and honest money off of that. And the first step in a publishing house possibly printing my book is getting a literary agent. So, after literally about ten days of second guessing myself and trying to find my own voice for the query letter while still following the protocol, I finished it on the 13th and sent it to an agency that I really think would be a great fit. I’m not expecting to strike oil my first time digging for it, but I’m super proud of myself for letting go of the fear of getting what I want, and really pushing myself to know I’m worthy enough to have it.
Other than that, it’s just been hanging out here at the house and enjoying my new favorite program, The Allen & Arline Show (If you’re reading this, Allen, I’m kidding and I love you haha). But seriously, things have been fairly relaxing here at home. We’ve hung out with friends here and there, from watching Chelsea play video games and trying fake meat for the first time to going and seeing a show of Dracula that Careese was a part of. We did that on our 8 monthaversary, and it was really good to enjoy amazing food and drinks and see a great show to celebrate us being together for 8 months. Being here with him, and spending the past 8 months together, has taught me so much and has brought me some of the best moments and biggest laughs of my life. Work might be slightly off kilter at the moment, but having this beautiful man to come home to, to ease my fears when I doubt myself, to wake up to in the morning, it’s truly the greatest gift I could have ever received, and I can’t wait to see where the next 8 months take us because there’s nothing more I want than to come back here 8, 16, 32 months from now and still be expressing how grateful I am to have met the person I truly feel like I’ve been waiting for all these years. (If you’re reading this still, Allen, just saying it would be great to get a kiss from you after you read this 💙)
We’ve also been watching some amazing content lately. He introduced me to This Might Get with Grace Helbig and Mamrie Hart, and I’m hooked. We watched and finished the first season of Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated that actually had an incredible storyline and hands down the best adaptation of the original series. He’s gotten me to watch movies I’ve always wanted to see, among them being Tangled and Pretty Woman. We finally finished Crazy Ex-Girlfriend so now I’m caught up and literally shaking for Season 4 to arrive. And most recently, he started and then got me hooked on The Bold Type, we just finished the last episode of Season 2 tonight. It’s really good, but sometimes the characters and the writing frustrates me to NO END, but I guess at least it’s a show that starts a lot of conversation. It still pisses me off a lot though 😂. Big Brother is coming to a close, and I’m fucking pissed that Haleigh isn’t in the house anymore. She became my main houseguest to win, so now I’m really only watching to see how it plays out and who wins, but whatever. Fall TV is coming back, so American Horror Story and How To Get Away With Murder are gonna be on the agenda over the next few weeks.
Yet another segue, speaking of agendas, Next on it over the course of the next week or so is I want to do some more writing, on a more consistent basis. I want to put out my query letter to a few more literary agencies, just to have my bases covered. And Richmond Pride is this weekend! So I’m sure we’ll have quite a time with that when it hits Saturday. Speaking of hits, I’m super surprised but grateful that Hurricane Florence didn’t impact us, even though it’s caused catastrophe in other areas. Hopefully the weather will calm down enough just in time for Pride. Also, just a general shout out to Atomic Blonde, literally of all movies, for the title of this blog. It really struck a cord with me and I’m adapting it as my new motto until further notice. Oh, and I bought a pair of Converse because I need nicer, more solid shoes, and their super fucking cute so #fashionicon.
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