Hey mom,
I met a boy,
He plays guitar.
He likes Quentin Tarantino,
And really sad songs.
Anxiety attacks when he wakes in the morning,
And I can't help the thought, he think I'm boring.
'Cause I come from a cluster of super bright stars,
And probably to him it feels scary to reach that far.
But down on Earth there's so much pain,
But way up here we explore galaxies.
Hey God,
Are you there?
I need to talk.
I'm feeling love is here and then it's not.
We hysterically cry when we wake up in the morning,
Could you please tell us why life feels like torment?
__________________________________________________________________
Remember how I said I was going to daily blog? Yeah, I don't know her. It's just been sort of a really weird start to the week, and I just haven't felt up to it. Plus, I've been like getting my sleep back? I don't know, it's just felt good getting back to a semi-normal sleep pattern and I haven't wanted to mess that up by staying up even later to blog or take the time out of my busy (lol) schedule of nothing to make it happen. But I'll do my best to recall everything, but we all know how my memory has been as of late.
So Sunday was a weird day. I don't know, I just feel super weird thinking back on it and especially a certain conversation that transpired during Sunday, which I'll most likely gloss over because I really don't want to think about it because it made me feel super weird over the entire course of the day as well as into work the following morning, so I'm just going to leave it at things are going on with my brother and I don't really, still, even know what to think or say about it. Moving on.
I actually got some writing done, and finally got past the scene I've been on for a while. It's so weird because I feel like so much has gone on lately and I just haven't even really had the time to write a whole lot. I've just been super consumed with everything that's going on with work and with family and with this new walking thing that I've been doing lately. But at least I got to write at all. I don't even remember know what I was writing to, but obviously I made it happen. Speaking of the walking thing, as I think I mentioned in my last blog, I gave myself a little break and didn't walk any on Saturday, mainly do to how late I slept in and everything. But I actually got to on Sunday, by making it happen when Mom called me back and we talked for well over an hour about the crazy, mood-altering things that have been happening over there, again, I just don't want to dwell on it. After my walk, I decided to just relax, and I honestly couldn't tell you what I did after that because I can't for the life of me remember. I think that's the day that there was a new Taylor rumor by the Pop twitter handle I follow, saying that it's "confirmed" that we're getting another single on Friday night. Hopefully that holds true, because I could use something to look forward to. But like I said, I really can't remember that far back. God bless my memory.
Monday's pretty much just as foggy. Obviously it was another week back at work, but other than that, I can't really remember. I remember being behind at work, no, that day I was good because I didn't have freight and I ran routine, I think. If I'm remembering correctly but honestly, the work weeks just bleed together like Crayola drawings in the rain. But then yesterday happened.
I was even feeling so good. I've been taking melatonin on a more regular basis when I lay down for bed, and it must have worked because I slept through the night, without interruption, and was awakened by my alarm, for probably the first time in the better part of a year. So I was feeling really good by the time I rolled up to work. But it all fell apart really quickly. Before I could go gather my things or get my cart or any of those other morning things, we were told to wait, that there was direction from Warden which basically entailed us filling the seasonal aisle with Christmas stuff. You know, an activity that only took us 3.5 hours? Especially since there was only five of us working it / working in general. Richard also gave me such an attitude when I asked if anyone else was coming to help because I had no idea. Also, Terry quit. God bless Housewares' turnover.
I just feel really empty anymore, just over it. It's just been done. But then today, Taylor helped with the release of a behind the scene video on the creation of Gorgeous! That was a bright beacon today because when is Taylor not? It was needed to because I was given the Pharmacy wall to put my overflow of features but that meant that I was running features all day today. Literally ran my feet off. But she also, literally within the last five minutes, dropped exclusive new merch pictures that's coming to the store soon! MY BANK ACCOUNT GONE. BOUGHT. WALLET SHREDDED. Here's the video and pictures of the merch that have literally saved my day.
I also got caught up on Riverdale and am watching the episode live as we speak. Then I'm probably going to hop in the shower and then hop into bed. I'm just so ready to head out of town to Nashville. I just need to have a good time and get going. It's also weird that this is the first blog of November, and the first time my blog posts have fallen where a month only has 8 instead of 9 posts? October got the short end of the stick, I guess. Thanks I guess. ALSO RIVERDALE IS CRAZY AND I LOVE IT. Can we talk about how hot KJ Apa is?
In better news, I've been listening to a writing podcast from the creator of Smashwords, so that's been nice. I just need a boost in light to happen.
Feeling hollow,
-- Jesse
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