!OOD YBOOCS

| Now Playing: Getaway Car by Taylor Swift |

We were jet set Bonnie and Clyde

Until I switched to the other side

The other side

It’s no surprise I turned you in

‘Cause us traitors never win

I’m in a getaway car

I left you in the motel bar

Put the money in the bag

And I stole the keys

That was the last time you ever saw me

Driving the getaway car

We were flying but we never get far

Don’t pretend it’s such a mystery

Think about the place where you first met me

Riding in a getaway car

We were flying but we never get far

Should’ve known I’d be the first to leave

Think about the place where you first met me

I’m a getaway car 

No they never get far

No nothing good starts in a getaway car

I was riding in a getaway car

I was crying in a getaway car

I was dying in a getaway car

Said goodbye in a getaway car

_________________________________________________

What a week or so it’s been since my last blog.  You’d think things would sort of calm down after a tornado almost touched down in the area but no. That’s what happened the day after the last blog, and the day my boyfriend started his new teaching job. Luckily it sort of missed us Monday and we didn’t really have any sort of damage immediately close to us, but it was really scary. And because the universe is absolutely, let’s say incredible, when I was on lockdown at work during the whole tornado warning scare, I got a call from Petsmart for an interview, after only sending in the application like right after I posted the last blog, the night before the tornado lockdown. 

I had a short little phone interview with them and we set up an in person interview for Tuesday. We just so happened to have plans to hang out with Chelsea and Careese a little after work so that was going to be a time crunch supreme, but I was willing to make it work since there’s still no guarantee that my current position at work is going to keep me from losing full-time status. So I went on the interview, it went super well and I left that first interview thinking I’d be shocked if I didn’t get the job. Then Friday I had the second part of the interview, since they said they normally need two people to do the interview and they couldn’t do that just simply because of when I could interview aka after work, and that interview left a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Firstly, the guy who interviewed me Friday was talking about a different job title than the girl who interviewed me Tuesday, so I was hella confused. But the hours he was telling me, even going against what she had told me, we’re just not going to work, so I felt a little bummed but honestly wrote it off as a loss. 

So then Pride happened, and let me tell you what I let down that was. I was getting even more excited about it because a drag queen I love, Biqtch Puddin, was there and I would have love to have met her and possibly gotten a picture, but that wasn’t in the cards. But it was just a giant clusterfuck in my opinion and it wasn’t really fun? I’m glad I went because I guess now I know, but at least I got a pride flag out of it? Maybe my boyfriend and I can try to go to DC Pride or something, just to see something a little more upscale that would be more fun or something. Who knows, it just sucks that Pride was meh. Then we went to this show called Outburst that was all like little gay SNL skits and it was hilarious. We had a really good time at that, so it sort of made up for just how lackluster Pride was. And we started Season 2 of Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated the weekend of Pride because we’ve both been missing it and it’s so damn good. I really wish each season wasn’t 50 bucks on iTunes because I really would like to buy them. They low-key trigger inspiration in me to write, I guess because of the mystery side of the show, and I really enjoy it. But alas, we have our ways of watching it. Plus, because we’ve been watching it in other ways, sometimes the video is mirrored so all of the text is backwards and it’s become a thing for us to say the opening credits where the name the characters backwards, which is where the title of the blog comes from haha. We’ve been randomly saying Ood Ybooocs (That’s pronounced ewd-ya-boo-ks in case you were wondering) which is Scooby Doo backwards haha, for the past week so that’s been a lot of fun.  

You know what wasn’t fun? The fact that he got into a car wreck on Thursday. I was already at work and he was on his way and I got a text from him saying that he t-boned a car and I started to freak out. I mean, clearly he was okay enough to text me, but I was still really worried about what was going on. I ended up leaving work because honestly I don’t think I would have been able to focus on work unless I saw for myself that he was okay. And poor Carlos, his car, were not sure if he’s going to make it or not. I’m just glad he and the other driver are okay. It really hit me that it could have been much much worse and thinking about that was fucking with me because I don’t know how I would respond or deal with that type of situation. I love him so much and the thought of not being able to really messed with me. But he is okay, and he’s got a rental car for the time being while they figure out whether or not his car is salvageable or not, so it’s all good but it was still really scary.

And then comes the biggest change, or about to be the biggest change. Remember how I was talking about interviewing with Petsmart? Well, after that second interview, I wasn’t really feeling the best about it, so I decided to look up open positions at other stores where I work and see if they had any department manager positions open. Two stores did, and I started calling and calling and calling and calling and finally, I got ahold of one that had a position open pretty close by. It happened really fast. I was talking to them about the open DM position on Tuesday, had an interview during lunch on Wednesday, and I left being told I got the position! So then Thursday I told my manager about it, and then I ended up leaving because of his car wreck, so it’s been sort of hectic and everything. But I even worked there yesterday, me and my DM now, went over to help them out, just running freight and I got to meet the store manager and she’s super nice, so it gives me hope. I have an official start date of October 13th at the new store and I can’t wait! I’m so glad to be back to department manager and more stable hours and NOT having people in my department complaining that I’m not closing like I had to deal with today...but whatever, I’m excited about being back to what I enjoy being. 

Last night, my boyfriend and I had dinner with his cousin and his cousin’s girlfriend, and that was fun. We went to Cooper’s Hawk, and this was the first time we went without doing the wine tasting with it, but at least we had time to eat. The only thing I don’t like about Cooper’s Hawk is just how loud it is. They’re always so packed because the food and wine is so damn good that literally everyone won’t shut the hell up. We had this gaggle of young girls begins us last night and I was over it. But meeting them was really nice, we had a good time. And then there’s today, which I’m already slightly irritable at the fact that I’m working on a Saturday when I don’t feel like there’s any need for me to be here because of how many people are on the schedule, but also everyone in my department is making me mad one way or another. I think it’s time for lunch haha. I’m just ready to be at the other store so I can start managing myself and not have to worry about coordinating lunches or worry about leaving the department unmanned. Literally let’s hurry up and get to October 13th. 

And I know that I’ve already had Getaway Car in the NP during reputation’s release, but it’s been flying in and out of my head ever since I changed my lock screen to a pretty landscape with some lyrics from the song on it. Oh, another thing that happened was I ordered a printed copy of my Grey’s Anatomy x Teen Wolf fanfiction tentatively titled Stiles’ Anatomy and I got it Monday haha. I’ve been going back and reading it because it’s basically like watching Grey’s Anatomy but with Stiles and Derek and a bitch is into that. 

Until next time,

— Justin

Everything You Want Is On The Other Side Of Fear

| Now Playing: Honestly (Encore) by Gabbie Hanna |

Cross my heart and hope to die

You never cross my fucking mind

Do you know what your little lies

Do you know what I had to fight through

Nothing that you say is mildly true

Spit deceit through shifty smiles

Two faces you’ve had for a while

You act like such a fucking child

Who are you now, you’re so hostile

To me I’m feeling homicidal

You better run and try to hide

Oh I was living in denial

Through all this time you had my riled up

All this shit has finally piled up

There’s no chance of reconciling us

With the falsehoods I’ve been filling away

For months you made these stories up

Sick from the untruths you’re throwing up

Had me thinking I was crazy but

Turns out I’m your favorite thing to discuss

You keep on talking, shut up

You keep rubbing salt into the cut

Broke the cycle, need to reconstruct 

You’re no good for me, I’m giving up

Baby you’re a loser and I’m 

Ashamed to say I ever knew ya

A user taking all of give ya

I swear to God I’ll never miss ya

Swear to God I haven’t missed ya

God I hope I never miss ya

______________________________________________________________

It’s been a little bit, clearly. But there’s just been a lot going on and I haven’t really felt like blogging or writing anything down and things of that nature, hence the reclusive approach to content. And honestly, the song in the NP, I can not. It’s so damn good, I’ve been listening to it pretty much non-stop since I found out that Gabbie released her two new songs. Her music is just hella fire, so just praise the Hanna brand. 

So work. Oh, has work been a crazy time. Remember how I mentioned that they basically just wanted me out of OGP? Well, that happened. Of course, this happened after I was trying to work things out scheduling wise with my assistant manager and my fellow DM. But after talking to the co-manager and hearing that “the store manager has the last day”, my fate was pretty much sealed. They didn’t, and don’t, care that I have a life outside of work, that work is not my entire life and that I can’t dedicate said life to serving said work like they so clearly want me to. So they gave me a choice: work in Hardware or work in Lawn & Garden...as a sales associate. What really pisses me off about that is the fact that I have busted my ass for the last 2+ years being a department head, working hard on being a better manager, learning all I can, and I’ve come so far in the past couple years being in a manager position. So having that taken away from me felt cheap and unsympathetic. They simply do not care about me at this store, and while that’s very disheartening, it hasn’t been ruining my efforts to better myself. In fact, I’d say it’s the main reason I’ve been on such a kick of trying to better myself. Working in Lawn & Garden hasn’t been bad. Frustrating, sure, but it’s good work and I’m basically making what I was as a department manager so the money isn’t the issue. Also, they haven’t given me a schedule, as in put me on the damn thing, so I’ve pretty much been making up my hours as I go. 

Speaking of bettering myself, I finally buckled down and asked myself, “What do I really want to do?” It’s a question I of course already know the answer to: write. But the bigger question was “how do I make that happen on a bigger scale than I’m currently residing?” So, after feeling out into the universe for guidance and talking things over with my boyfriend, I decided that it was time to start constructing a query letter to send to literary agents. My absolute main goal is to be writing full-time, and to make decent and honest money off of that. And the first step in a publishing house possibly printing my book is getting a literary agent. So, after literally about ten days of second guessing myself and trying to find my own voice for the query letter while still following the protocol, I finished it on the 13th and sent it to an agency that I really think would be a great fit. I’m not expecting to strike oil my first time digging for it, but I’m super proud of myself for letting go of the fear of getting what I want, and really pushing myself to know I’m worthy enough to have it. 

Other than that, it’s just been hanging out here at the house and enjoying my new favorite program, The Allen & Arline Show (If you’re reading this, Allen, I’m kidding and I love you haha). But seriously, things have been fairly relaxing here at home. We’ve hung out with friends here and there, from watching Chelsea play video games and trying fake meat for the first time to going and seeing a show of Dracula that Careese was a part of. We did that on our 8 monthaversary, and it was really good to enjoy amazing food and drinks and see a great show to celebrate us being together for 8 months. Being here with him, and spending the past 8 months together, has taught me so much and has brought me some of the best moments and biggest laughs of my life. Work might be slightly off kilter at the moment, but having this beautiful man to come home to, to ease my fears when I doubt myself, to wake up to in the morning, it’s truly the greatest gift I could have ever received, and I can’t wait to see where the next 8 months take us because there’s nothing more I want than to come back here 8, 16, 32 months from now and still be expressing how grateful I am to have met the person I truly feel like I’ve been waiting for all these years. (If you’re reading this still, Allen, just saying it would be great to get a kiss from you after you read this 💙)

We’ve also been watching some amazing content lately. He introduced me to This Might Get with Grace Helbig and Mamrie Hart, and I’m hooked. We watched and finished the first season of Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated that actually had an incredible storyline and hands down the best adaptation of the original series. He’s gotten me to watch movies I’ve always wanted to see, among them being Tangled and Pretty Woman. We finally finished Crazy Ex-Girlfriend so now I’m caught up and literally shaking for Season 4 to arrive. And most recently, he started and then got me hooked on The Bold Type, we just finished the last episode of Season 2 tonight. It’s really good, but sometimes the characters and the writing frustrates me to NO END, but I guess at least it’s a show that starts a lot of conversation. It still pisses me off a lot though 😂. Big Brother is coming to a close, and I’m fucking pissed that Haleigh isn’t in the house anymore. She became my main houseguest to win, so now I’m really only watching to see how it plays out and who wins, but whatever. Fall TV is coming back, so American Horror Story and How To Get Away With Murder are gonna be on the agenda over the next few weeks. 

Yet another segue, speaking of agendas, Next on it over the course of the next week or so is I want to do some more writing, on a more consistent basis. I want to put out my query letter to a few more literary agencies, just to have my bases covered. And Richmond Pride is this weekend! So I’m sure we’ll have quite a time with that when it hits Saturday. Speaking of hits, I’m super surprised but grateful that Hurricane Florence didn’t impact us, even though it’s caused catastrophe in other areas. Hopefully the weather will calm down enough just in time for Pride. Also, just a general shout out to Atomic Blonde, literally of all movies, for the title of this blog. It really struck a cord with me and I’m adapting it as my new motto until further notice. Oh, and I bought a pair of Converse because I need nicer, more solid shoes, and their super fucking cute so #fashionicon. 

Hoopin’

| Now Playing: Never Let Me Go by TEFFLER |

Your lips were made for mine
I want you to come closer
Your love was meant for me
I couldn’t find no better
I might not ever find
Someone like you I’m forever
We’re running out of time
I want you to come over

All we gotta do baby
All we gotta do is
All we gotta do is touch
All we gotta do baby
All we gotta do is
All we gotta do is touch
All we gotta do baby
All we gotta do is
All we gotta do is touch
All we gotta do baby
All we gotta do is
All we gotta do is touch

So pull me a little closer
Hold me, roll me like a coaster
And say, say you’ll never let me go
So pull me a little closer
Baby, I wanna get to know you
And say, say you’ll never let me go
________________________________________________

Here we are, Book Two of my life haha. I don’t really know where to start. It’s been a fucking whirlwind ever since I finished the last blog. Let’s start with my last day of work in Salem.

It went fairly smoothe. I wasn’t really trying to do a whole lot anyways, but I still had leftover  no mod from my reset to deal with, so I really just dealt with that all day. They gave me a card and a cake during the morning meeting, it was really sweet. I’ll insert a picture of my cake if blogger mobile will let me haha. And it didn’t so there’s that haha. But it was really sweet, all blue roses and everything. I spent most of the day with Destiny because of course. Riding down after work wasn’t bad at all. I had a brief moment where I was sad but it was because I was thinking about leaving Destiny and Benzo behind, but neither of us are gone, just relocated, so it’s not that big of a deal

We got everything here inside fairly quickly, mainly because I don’t really have a lot of stuff to begin with. My clothes are in the spare room, my boyfriend and I are in his room, and it’s been really wonderful being here together and everything. We’ve done so much I feel like, it’s hard to remember everything haha. We of course relaxed for the most part until I started work Saturday.

And I felt really defeated. I still feel sort of defeated in a sense just because they’re treating me like garbage. It’s as if they’re completely skipping over the fact that I’m new to grocery, despite being trained on OGP, and they expect for me to just know how things work. And don’t even get me started on the schedule. Because there isn’t one. I have no set days off, no set shifts, and it’s been really fucking with me. I ended up telling them that I was having some family issues and it was restricting my schedule because while the job isn’t bad, and I don’t actually mind closing as far as what it entails, I just hate the mindset it puts me in. I feel like I don’t have time to do anything, I feel like it’s just really hard to plan stuff I or we want to do around here around my schedule and that aspect of it is just not working for me. The job itself is good, I enjoy doing it. But between my assistant manager treating me like garbage and my fellow DM giving me grief, it’s just not a good environment. I even spoke with the store manager, and she basically was saying that OGP probably isn’t the best fit for me and that I should look into going to another store. And Julie, fucking Julie, in personnel has been giving me daggers if attitude as well and it’s like damn, can’t y’all work with me, or even just treat me like a basic human being. I guess that’s what it boils down to, respect. I’m not feeling any sort of respect or concern, and that’s where I have the problem.

My boyfriend’s been the best. He’s taken my mind off of the onslaught of work stress, given me advice when I really needed it, and I just can’t express just how much I love him. Being here with him, having him here by my side, it’s the most real thing I’ve ever felt, and I just can’t get over how fortunate and grateful I am. Whether it’s going to a rooftop bar downtown with Careese, or hanging out with his mom’s work friends, or today, enjoying the day together by going to Belle Isle and swimming and then relaxing at a hookah bar, seeing his smile every day makes everything make sense.

All in all, it’s been really great being here in Richmond. I love the area and it’s subsequent surrounding areas. The fact that we can go out into the wilderness and nature at a place like Belle Isle and be able to see the city skyline from it is something that I’ve always craved. I’m really hoping either work gets better and they work with me, or another amazing opportunity comes along because I think I’m going to be around Richmond for a while.

Enjoying the sequel,

—Justin

Deletes

| Now Playing: Marlon Brando by Chester Lockhart |

All the smoke in the air
Leads back to your lips
But I can’t look away from your eyes
I feel your breath in my hair
As your hands go to my hips
And the heat drips down to my thighs

You say relax and lean back into me
You say you need me
Over and over again

He’s got a temper like you wouldn’t know
And when we tells me he loves me so
I get so high that I can’t be low
‘Cause I’m in love with Marlon Brando
_____________________________________________________

So as I’m writing this, it’s my last night at my grandparents place. It’s a weird feeling, only because it doesn’t feel weird? Like obviously I’ve moved out before. The first time I left home after high school was sad, even though I moved in with my grandparents, the time I moved in with my ex, I was sad to leave my grandparents. But I don’t know, I don’t feel sad about this. All I feel is excited and ready and leaping at this opportunity I’ve been given to usher in a new era of my life, the next chapter. My only concern is I don’t want my boyfriend or his mom to feel put out or anything by me being there, or that I’m going to take advantage of staying there by prolonging how long I plan on being there. I just don’t want to mess up this beautiful thing that he and I have together, because it’s the realest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, and I just hope he knows how much it means to me that I’m even being able to stay with them and everything. Not that I’m knocking the benefits, because who wouldn’t want to wake up next to that beautiful man every morning until further notice? Certainly not I because seeing him next to me in the morning is literally one of my favorite things in the world. *blasts Good Morning Babe from every speaker in the world*.

Anyway, this week has been really good in retrospect  (Thanks retrograde!). People at work have been asking me if I’m excited and everything like that, I just know tomorrow is going to be tough. Like I don’t really think I’ll cry but if my darling Destiny starts crying, I’ll probably break because that’s going to be what breaks me haha. I’m pseudo glad Amber and Wendy have been out with baby Aiden just because I don’t have to really see their faces when we talk about me leaving. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to miss A LOT of people. I’ve come to connect with almost every Department Manager I work with in one way or another, given them my signature names that are honestly at this point fairly legendary among the store haha. And even Zachariah Malachiah went and lobbed off all his hair so it’s short now. I am going to miss them, but I am so looking forward not being complacent anymore. Not being angry, not feeling like nothing I ever do is good enough. I’m not saying I’m not going to have hard times or stress at this new store, I’m just saying my concerns will be completely different, and I really need different because I can’t keep having the same downfalls at this store. Tomorrow’s going to be a weird day at work, I honestly don’t plan on working too much, in my eyes, it’s ‘Celebrate Justin Day’ so literally I’m not doing a whole lot haha.

My boyfriend came down this past weekend, and that was lovely. We did a lot, heading to Blacksburg Friday evening to see everyone up there, got to see Kelly’s new place (oooh whoa oooh!) and then came back down. We watched a shit ton of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, a bop. Then we even watched some Teen Titans per his request  (A man seriously after my heart even though he already has it). Saturday we chilled until our date at Cheddar’s, where we had our first date, and that was great, reminiscing over our first date and everything haha. Then we met West for drinks at Billy’s Barn and got to see our friend the lesbian waitress again before leaving so that was pretty cool. He totally loved the time we spent with Snowgray while we waited for chicken tenders to cook, so that warmed my heart haha. Then Sunday we did lunch with Lisette and Kelly and her new boy Alejandro, who seems really cool and good for her, but that three weeks though! We went back to Kelly’s place, played a few games, tossed back a few libations, ate at Dynasty and this fucking wine / Chinese combo literally dicked my stomach down, I was in so much pain. We went to a winery with Kelly and Alejandro before we went back to her place and loved this plum wine, but future self, take note: don’t fucking order wine from a Chinese buffet. And certainly don’t fucking order FLAVORED wine at a damn Chinese restaurant. Fuck a damn Dynasty. But he was really sweet in taking care of me, God love him. Then we watched Big Brother 20 and chilled. Then the work week was back to annoy me, so he took some stuff back with him and headed back to Richmond.

I’ve been dealing with no mod shit all week. And today they pulled us away to run Grocery truck because why not? I will leave all that damn no mod for the new Toys DM, who apparently is named Megan and is coming from Valley View because all the new people come from Thy’s Old store at this point (insert the new Pharmacy girl who’s name I literally didn’t bother to learn) Pam Pam bought book from me and gave me 20 bucks for it, which I was not expecting. Teresa wants one too so I got hers ready. I might just give my last copy to Seanathan Michael Preston, I’m gonna miss him plus he’s expressed interest in wanting it, so I might do that. And today was really fun, bonding and making last memories with Pam Pam and Destiny and even Morgagina. Ugh, I love them so much.

Ceara came over after work to help me pack and pack my car up, since I’m leaving after work tomorrow to both beat the traffic and get to have two days to detox before Saturday when I start at the new store. Oh, and Devin joined us for lunch today! We saw him walking from Famous Anthony’s and so I messaged him and he joined us. He then sent me the sweetest message since I won’t see him tomorrow about missing me and that 1309 won’t be the same and how I’m going to rock OGP (he’s our OGP) so that meant a lot. But Ceara and I just really hung out, I’m exhausted from not sleeping well last night and work the past two days (I stayed over until 5:30 yesterday helping Destiny run and bin Dairy because Cap didn’t work freight from that night’s truck) and then we stayed a little bit today because of the whole running the grocery truck thing. I’m just tired haha. Thank God I’m probably leaving early tomorrow because of work over schedule.

Also, I made this really cool cover for my fan compiled album for Chester Lockhart, hence why he’s in the NP haha.

I don’t really know what else to say but I’m excited, a little nervous, but so fucking ready to get out of this era, and move on to Book Two of my life. Also, shout out to whoever wrote the title of this blog on some breakpacks that had us rolling at work. It’s supposed to be “deleted” and I read the word deletes as “de-leet-iss” because I was like what the fuck is deletes and why doesn’t it say deleted haha. We have fun through the chaos. I’m sure going to miss them. Ugh, tomorrow’s going to be fucking weird at work. I’m just still, in spite of all that missing and stuff, I’m so ready to go, to leave. To be in a new area, to start this Book Two. I literally can’t wait.

Until the new chapter begins,

— Justin