An Hour A Day

| Now Playing: Jeepers Creepers by The Mosers |

She drinks champagne,
On most Sundays.
While I sleep in,
Sleep off my whiskey stench.
She's up at six,
When I get in.
She's all talked out,
And I look like shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love you baby, ooh,
I need you crazy.
Too bad I'm a creep.
I'm a creep, oh baby,
I need you.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.

I love you baby,
I need you crazy.
Too bad I'm a creep.
A disease, I'm a dog, I'm a leech.
I'm the one, come and see, look at me.
I'm a creep, I'm a creep,
I'm a creep, I'm a creep.
I love you baby,
I need you crazy.
Oh baby, I need you.
__________________________________________________

Back at it again with the daily reminiscing. Or at least I'm going to try to, mainly because today was a fucking doozy, bitch. It was just a lot. Okay, so after my last blog, I just did some boosts while playing Splatoon, and then I started watching some Trisha Paytas, and she was weirdly making me feel better. Especially her This Is What Fat Shaming Feels Like video, it just spoke to me. And I started to just spiral down her latest videos, and that was fun. I eventually switched over and watched more That '70s Show, mainly because I just wanted to go to bed and also because there was the Nashville Secret Sessions, and even though I had already prepared myself for them, I was still down after finding out that they happened because I feel like Nashville is the only ones I would be eligible for just as far as location and everything. But I ended up sleeping super well, which is good because I'm obviously not going to tonight because it's TGIT so I gotta watch my shows haha. Also, the ...Ready For It? video comes out, but I found out a way to film my reaction to it, so I'm gonna postpone seeing the video until tomorrow so I can film that. I actually woke up a little earlier this morning because after the let down yesterday, I really wanted some damn coffee haha.

Once I got to work, I was shocked. Because all of my freight actually got ran. I was literally beside myself with it, because that literally hasn't happened in I don't even remember how long so I was quite excited to try and stay in routine and everything today. Of course, that didn't happen, but all in due time. So I was having a pretty good day, and it's a good thing that I didn't have any freight, because I was putting out and switching features literally the entire morning. We also had the morning meeting over in my department for reasons that still haven't been revealed to me yet, so. But after that, and break happened, we were being told our break time was being counted, which is super annoying, by both Warden and DBL so we skedaddled as fast as we could. Then I literally worked on perfecting my features for the rest of the morning until lunch. And since I paid my bills during break, I realized I had a little bit extra cash since one of my bills was a little less than expected, so LunchCrew headed over to Hardee's for the $5 All Star meals that I've gotten before. It was Gucci and then we headed back to work, and I kept up makeshift routine by completing all my section work, but that ONLY happened because I didn't have any freight to run this morning. Literally the only reason. That, and I was busting my ass to get it done to make sure that I got to get it done for at least two days this week, I think.

Then came two o'clock, which was the bane of my day. So during the morning meeting, Don't Be Late said there was a safety meeting at two. But keep in mind, the last time she said this, it was only applicable for the Safety Team, which ya girl isn't a member of. My boo Destiny is, which is unfortunate. So EVERYONE, not just me, thought that only the Safety Team had to go. Well, I finally get done with my section work around two, and I headed to the back to get the right labels, and Teresa is coming through the door leading to grocery as I walk to the cage and she's like we have the meeting and I'm like ?? and she says they called for all DM's to be there, and I was over it, because I still had over a hundred price changes to take care of from yesterday, so I didn't really have the time to sit through an hour long meeting. But obviously I did, or else I would have gotten in trouble. And the topic of the meeting was topstock, so obviously I had a lot to stay because apparently I can't keep my mouth shut. But that part was fine. Then Shanan comes in and says that she needs me to help at the paint counter, because I'm literally like the only person who knows how to do EVERY service area on the GM side, so. I was a little frustrated, but obviously I'm happy to help (Literally, I got chosen for HTH for October because when asked, I said I deserve it and used that customer I helped with her engine and oil filter as reasons why). So after that I headed back for the meeting, but no one was there. So I assumed they were doing the safety tour, and once I found them, anger ensued. A two word phrase which here means Waste My Time 2K17.

Everyone was in grocery, zoning. And I'm like, what the hell is going on, and they're having us check the topstock for Grocery and zoning. Like, that is such a MASSIVE waste of time. But we just all had to push through it, even though I was about to lose it because I had all those price changes blaring in the back of my mind. So after Grocery, and then paper chemicals, we did a little bit of Infants and finally returned the back to adjourn the meeting. After that, we realized that the meeting and subsequent trip to Grocery had taken AN HOUR AND A HALF. Let that sink in. We weren't able to do our proper work for an hour and a half. I was so pressed like an acrylic, I had to take my last break with LunchCrew, minus Destiny because we couldn't find her, and added with Amber. We went outside and blew off some steam, and then it was already time to leave. It was just so frustrating when, especially today, I was working my butt of it get everything done.

Coming home, things were pretty good. I listened to the three songs from reputation because always, and got home and got to say hi to my grandma, who was finally back from her two-day excursion over at Billie Ruth's house. I was definitely glad to see her haha. We talked a little about that and our mutual conversations with Rosanna, and talked about work some. It was spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner, which is always so bomb af. Then immediately after that, I went walking around the house and the parking lot of the church in a weird lopsided loop, and it was actually weirdly therapeutic? I got to talk on the phone with Mom a little bit, but she was headed out for karaoke so we had to get off the phone. But I listned to my Rep & Rap playlist while walking the rest of the time, and it was just a great experience. I ended up walking for a whole HOUR. An hour, bitch. So that was great. As soon as I came in, my grandma showed me how to make coffee with the big coffee maker so what happened yesterday doesn't happen again haha, and then I talked on the phone with Benzo for a bit and then started writing this blog. Now, Grey's Anatomy is almost over (I've been watching while writing this entire thing haha) and I'm gonna watch Will & Grace, then How To Get Away With Murder, and then I'm gonna head to bed. Unless the music video for ...Ready For It? comes out early or some shit, but I doubt it. It'll be better if I just wait and record my reaction haha. But who knows, maybe I'll end up staying up for it, and recording my reaction and whatever, but we shall see, I guess.

Let's hope I can keep up the daily blogging to keep this blog a little bit more quality I guess? I'm so ready for the weekend.

Will & Grace was SPECTACULAR, as always. Literally it has not changed in quality after eleven years. And don't even get me started with How To Get Away With Murder. It's such a good way of storytelling and I love the narrative and I'm just fucking obsessed. I ended up staying up until the release of the ...Ready For It? music video, but I was so exhausted that I ended up not watching the video. I really wanted to react to it and I didn't want to ruin that. I found out how to overlay a video for like reacting to a video, so I knew it was possible for me to do. So I switched on That '70s Show and went to bed. I'm STILL trying to get off the damn episode in Season 4 where Jackie gets a job as the Cheese Maiden selling cheese. I'm just so tired of the awkward crap in the beginning between Red and Eric with the condoms haha. I kept falling asleep like right after that so I've kept hearing it. But I finally finished that episode before falling asleep in the next one, so at least that's behind me haha.

I was so thankful to get today, Friday, over with because I'm off the weekend, and after having to work last weekend, I was so ready for it (see what I did there? I'm hilarious. Moving on) and needed it to be honest. OH. Also, last night, out of the blue, Jeremy sent me a picture that literally had me like this.

LITERALLY. I was quaking. I still am, to be Pocahonest, but I was McDonald's, bitch, lovin' it. Anyway, so I headed into work this morning feeling pretty good. I slept alright, even if I did end up getting a little cold from leaving the window open all night long. I grabbed my coffee, remembered my bag that I forgot from the day before, and headed in. After how crazy and obnoxious yesterday was, my motivation was just shot and absolutely depleted. So it was a little hard to get myself through the morning. And while I did have freight, or rather picks, to run, at least I didn't have features that had to go out to the floor and needed to move everything else around to accommodate like I have been lately, so it wasn't too bad. I still didn't get to follow routine because when do I ever? But we also had company, New Market was there so we ended up having a morning meeting at our regular time and then a meeting with him once he got there around 9. I just knew it was going to be  day that LunchCrew and I needed to head to lunch. We really need to start limiting it to one day a week, just for the sake of our paychecks.

It wasn't too bad with New Market there. He actually came by my department as I was stocking the Lego aisle, where the field of rollback flags live from the price changes I stayed a little over to get most of them done on Wednesday and was impressed with it and took my picture showcasing them, so that was good I guess? Then he thanked me for keeping the department looking good and shook my hand and said he appreciated all that I'm doing, so that was super nice to hear. After that, it was time for lunch and ya girl was feeling breakfast so we headed over to Denny's. It was bomb af and Pam and I got Chicken & Waffles because perfection and Teresa got these pumpkin spice cream pancakes that were incredible and Destiny got these bacon and cheese tots that were TUHDYE and ugh, it was just so good. Plus, our waiter was Jaime, Wes' boyfriend, so that was fun. We came back, I finished all of my price changes, and that was really it. But the time I turned around, it was time to leave, and I was so ready for it (I did it again, but I swear this time it wasn't on purpose).

Coming home from work, I found dinner from Macado's on the stove, so I could eat win I wanted / in my room, which was perfect because I was wanting to come straight home and film my reaction to the RFI music video, so that's exactly what I did. Recorded my reaction, screen recorded the video from my phone (thanks iPhone iOS 11 update) and I had my two videos. It wasn't nearly as complicated to edit the music video along side my footage of me reacting to it as I thought it was going to be. It was actually fairly painless. It only took me a little bit to get it edited and everything, so then I uploaded it, ate the sub from Macado's, and by the time my video was up and everything, thumbnail made and all that jazz, I looked up and it was six, and I really want to stick to this walking thing, and six is like my go to time for it, like no later than six can I start, so I went on my walking around the house and the church parking lot to my Recently Played playlist on my phone.

Mom was supposed to call me this afternoon so we could talk more, but I never heard from her. I tried calling her when I started my workout, but she never answered and I heard this weird distorted version of her voicemail? Like I don't know if it's because I was connected to my Beats or what but it was weird. I'm gonna try calling her again tomorrow or at least texting her because it was just weird. So I did my hour long walking and then came inside and immediately sat down with Stranger Things because SEASON TWO CAME OUT TODAY. I'm so excited. I just finished episode 3 as I was starting Friday's recap and BITCH. I grabbed my mouth I was so shocked. I was fucked up. But anyway, I'mma watch one or two more and then head to bed. SO READY FOR THIS WEEKEND. Oh, and here's my reaction to the RFI music video. I almost forgot haha.

And now it's magically Saturday! I've literally done nothing. I watched two more episodes of Stranger Things before I went to bed, and then flipped back to That '70s Show before falling asleep. I didn't even wake up until almost noon, so I got my sleep in haha. I woke up and did some laundry, but then I finished Stranger Things, and this season might just be better than the first. It's so fucking good. Then I started watching the after show that automatically plays after you finish Season 2. But a bitch was really tired. My grandma made a chicken version of her hamburger pie, so that was amazing. Then I came back to bed, because I've literally spent all day in bed, and so then I tried watching some Joseph Birdsong videos on my phone because I'm a little behind on his Mirror Mode let's play of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe and fell asleep. I was already feeling so sleepy so I guess it was bound to happen. I guess I just couldn't be bothered haha. I woke up from my little hour long nap and I'm going through Joe's Evil Within let's play and watching that so I can watch the Evil Within 2 let's play he just started once I finish. And that's literally it. I'm hoping to get some writing done Tamar Braxt because I really need to. This blog has been interesting haha. Oh, and also, my Do It For Her post is up to 1,640 notes, my Gorgeous reaction video has hit 4.5K views, and my music video reaction just hit 1.5K views. Another day being such a celebrity haha. I took a break from my walking today because I just needed a break. I just need a break in general.

Taking it one hour at a time,

-- Jesse

You Can't Wear Your Hat Inside

| Now Playing: Candy Paint by Post Malone |

Everybody say that I gotta be stopped,
Even though my final form ain't unlocked.
I'm so ahead of these motherfuckers.
All these motherfuckers so false with me,
I know there ain't shit you could offer me.
Take a second if you think about crossing me.

Candy paint with the white on top,
Lambo doors of the oowop drop.
If you busy plottin' on what I got,
Kick in your door, that's what you thought.
Hundred thousand dollars on the table top,
Half price my whip, same price my watch.
Got no jumper but I ball a lot,
Bitch I'm Young Stoney, I do what I want.
Candy paint with the white on top,
Lambo doors of the oowop drop.
If you busy plottin' on what I got,
Kick in your door, that's what you thought.
Hundred thousand dollars on the table top,
Half price my whip, same price my watch.
Got no jumper but I ball a lot,
Bitch I'm Young Stoney, I do what I want.
_______________________________________________________

So for once, or at least the first time for a while, I'm writing this blog solely on the day that it's posted. Basically I'm bound to forget something, and not a whole hell of a lot has gone on, which is weird for my Wednesday blogs, but here we go.

Right after my last blog, I did end up going and getting some gas. I guess I just really needed to get out of the house because I felt a lot better once I did. I even went past the house and kept driving until right at the Home Place because I just needed a little longer to be carefree, listening to my Rep & Rap playlist (Which is LITERALLY just the three songs from reputation and the song featured in this blog's NP) and just driving without regard to the shitstorm that's been going on in my head lately. I don't know why my family talking about my weight behind my back has fucked with me so heavily since it happened, but it really has. Like I just don't understand. Other sides of my family have done the same thing, so it's not like this is a new thing for me to be experiencing. I don't know.

When I got home, I was still moping around from everything and I finally had had enough of it. So I started typing up that HIIT workout I saved from Saturday, and got to work on it. Let me say, while doing the exercise it was an absolute bitch, but once I regained consciousness and my breathing was back to norman, I felt absolutely incredible. I always forget how rewarding it feels after you've worked out, especially for a plus-sized bitch like me. I felt really glorious. So after that, I played a little Splatoon but then I ended up doing even more exercise because I hate the way my family was making me feel, so I ended up FaceTiming Benzo and walking around our massive yard seven times. So that was great, getting that much exercise felt great, and it was just a great day spent bettering myself. I ended up chilling with That '70s Show and went to sleep, and then it was back to work for one day, then back off on Tuesday.

Monday wasn't too bad. I actually followed routine and everything, but that's because I left the pallets for overnight to work, I had two of them not even worked from overnight so. It was manager approved, so I got to stay on my processes. The only other major thing that sticks out, aside from LunchCrew hitting up Wendy's on lunch, is Teresa got really upset. I won't divulge details but it's bullshit and I call integrity on that shit. It's just so uncalled for and ridiculous.

I ended up watching all of Season 2 of Haters Back Off on Netflix Monday night. Honestly, Monday after work is such a blur, and I have no idea why. I know I did some writing, but other than that, I have no idea what happened. I didn't do any HIIT workout because I was so exhausted from the day before and I worked so hard at work. I think I might have done my boosts, and I ended up falling asleep to the last two episodes of Haters Back Off, so there's that. When I woke up, I finished Haters Back Off, which is still good even if it doesn't match the hype of Season 1, and asked Benzo what time we were getting together. Since both of us were off, we made plans to go up to the park in Radford that I fell in love with and walk around, and then maybe take Shep to the dog park that's just around the riverbend, but because of timing issues, we didn't end up doing that. I met her at Bedford Walmart and we perused the aisles while her mom was shopping since Benzo was the chauffer. After that, we headed back to her house, then back to Walmart to get my car, and we decided to hit up Lynchburg and take advantage of Red Lobster's Endless Shrimp.

Obviously, I was wearing my go-to outfit as of late, which is my black rep shirt, my stitch witched black shorts, and my rep hat. So when we finally arrived at Red Lobster, I took off my hat because I wanted a change I guess, and when I voiced this, Benzo quoted the classic line from Matilda, which is the title of this blog, in Zinnia's voice and I about passed out from laughter. It was just perfect. It's crazy how drastic Benzo can alter my mood for the better. I'm super grateful to have her in my life. So our server was sort of really just uptight? I don't know. She was giving me clipped attitude the whole time and I was ready to string bean it all over the carpet. And when I asked for a bread bag to go, she was like yeah for 6.99. And considering that I've gone to multiple Red Lobster locations (Maybe this is why my family calls me fat) and always have gotten bread to go for free, I was perturbed. But after I said I wasn't really wanting to pay for it, she ended up giving me one, but I just wasn't appreciate of her attitude. But the food was still great. That Nashville shrimp, BITCH. And dipped in that whipped sweet potatoes? FUCK.  A bitch had a good time. So then we went to Burlington and I ended up getting these fucking chic ass boots. They're Levi's, black, and honestly it just completes my tour outfit. But I've also been looking at a pair of black shoes and have been interested in a pair of boots for a while now, so it was just a win-win. I could take a picture, but I'm Lays Potato Chips.

Then we went to Rue 21 and I ended up getting their limited edition #RUE cologne, because I HAVE been searching for a new cologne. I was OBSESSED with their limited edition Neon Summer from either last year or year before, so that was cool. Plus I got the second bottle half off so. But there went my money until next check haha. Granted, it was both things I needed, but still. We then went to Ross, but neither of us ended up getting anything, which was good for both of our wallets. After that, it was back to Bedford Walmart to drop her off at her car. I would have liked to have stayed and hung out at her house or something, but it was already getting late, and I at least wanted to attempt to workout and everything, so I came home. I ended up doing the Day 2 workout on HIIT, and I thought elbow planks were going to be easy? Bitch, they were not. But at least I did them. I went to bed with That '70s Show (I've been stuck on like the same two episode in Season 4 because I keep falling asleep during them haha) and went back to work again again.

Today wasn't bad, per se, it was just aggravating as hell. I come back from ONE day off, and all hell as broke loose. We're not allowed at the work station in the morning to get notes, and not one but TWO assistant managers have up and quit without notice. Like WHAT?? It's just so crazy. Our store is just hanging by a thread. The rest of the day went great, aside from dealing with trying to stay in routine (price changes) but being told to also do something else (move things to a new bin). There's just a little bit of an expectation problem at our store. I also kind of mouthed off during the meeting that we held down the clearance aisle, and I really didn't mean to, but it just sort of slipped out. I honestly was trying to say them in my head. I think I've just getting more fed up. But I was really sorry about the way everything came out. I even ended up leaving a little late because I was working on getting the most bulk of my price changes worked completely.

I came home, tired as hell. My boots are super comfortable, but I was ready to get them off. I'm going to try and wear them for the rest of the work week because they need to be broken in, so by the time tour comes around, or just in general wear, they're not as painful for my pinkie toes to be walked in. And during this synopsis of my past few days, Rosanna messaged me on Facebook, apologizing for commenting on my weight. I haven't even fully read it, so let me give that a whirl before I contingency. Well, I appreciate the apology at least. She's the only one brave enough to come forward about it and admit that she was wrong, so I'll give her that. Shout out to Chevy for setting her straight. I always knew you would have my back.

Also, there was an LA Secret Sessions for reputation but not that much of it has shown up on my Tumblr dash? It's weird because for London and both nights of Rhode Island, I saw it everywhere, but it was so low key for LA? I don't know, maybe they weren't allowed to say anything at all, who knows. I just know that reputation is so close to being released and it coincides with my four day weekend vacation to Nashville, so I'm super pumped. I'm just so ready to have that weekend (Which apparently we're supposed to be having company during so we'll see if I'm lucky enough to dodge that) and to just get away for a while. And that's really about it. Such a tame blog for a Wednesday, I can't get over it haha. I think it's because I didn't blog a little every day. I need to get back in the habit of doing that, but ya know. I'll probably just take a shower, maybe do some boosts and play Splatoon? I could get caught up on Riverdale and watch tonight's episode live but I don't want to? Oh well, whatever happens, happens. I just know I'm ready for the weekend.

Not wearing hats inside of fancy places,

-- Jesse

I Love You No Matter What

| Now Playing: Gorgeous by Taylor Swift |

You should take it as a compliment,
That I'm talking to everyone here but you.
But you, but you.
You should think about the consequence,
Of you touching my hand in a darkened room.
Dark room, dark room.

And I've got a boyfriend, he's older than us,
He's in the club doing I don't know what.
You're so cool it makes me hate you so much,
I hate you so much.
Ocean blue eyes, looking in mine.
I feel like I might,
Sink and drown and die.

You're so gorgeous,
I can't say anything to your face,
'Cause look at your face.
And I'm so furious,
At you for making me feel this way.
But what can I say?
You're gorgeous.

You make me so happy it turns back to sad,
There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have,
You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad.
You make me so happy it turns back to sad,
There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have,
Guess I'll just stumble on home to my cats.
Alone,
Unless you wanna come along.
__________________________________________________________

Okay so we have quite the happenings happening here today so let's get this show on the road. It's currently a little bit before 7 on Thursday as I'm writing this, and I'm fucked up. The level of fuckedupedness that I'm currently feeling can NOT be measured on any sort of scale. So I slept pretty well last night, which is saying something because I was feeling some type of way last night. Mainly because there was another Secret Session last night in Rhode Island. I was just feeling down because I feel like I'm never going to get the chance to meet Taylor ever, which is devastating because it's one of my biggest dreams, especially during this era because of how dark and down I've been since before the album announcement. But I felt better once I woke up, after getting a really good amount of sleep, and I listened to the newest episode of the Swiftcast podcast, where someone who was at the London SS was on talking about their experience, without giving album details, of course. And after listening to that, I was thankful I didn't get invited only because there's no way that I could afford a plain ticket, no matter how bad I would want to. Anyway, moving on.

Work was annoying. Literally per usual. So we knew that Warden was going to be back today, and everyone was dreading the worst. But surprisingly the meeting wasn't too bad and nothing too horrible happened. Except for the fact that the stuff that Dennis had me hold for overnight? They didn't work it. So not only did I have the freight from this morning but also all the pallets from yesterday. To say I was pissed was an extreme understatement. But life goes on. So then LunchCrew2K17 was reassembled today, as both Destiny and Teresa were back. We decided we were gonna go to lunch, and we ended up going to Country Cookin, and bitch, it was bomb. Literally it was so good and I'm still feeling pangs from it to be honest. Speaking of things I'm still feeling pangs from, during lunch, literally in the middle of our lunch, Taylor Swift posted a video to both Instagram and Tumblr, and I knew something was about to fuck me the fuck up. And that thing was A NEW SONG ANNOUNCMENT. LITERALLY in the last blog, I talked about wishing there was another song to add to the reputation rotation and WE'RE GETTING A NEW SONG TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT. The song is called Gorgeous, and it features a baby voice or something and here's the seven second clip that Taylor posted.

BITCH. I'm so fucking unprepared for this song, I just can't. LunchCrew got to see me freak the fuck out, so that was fun haha. OH, and I made two friends last night on Tumblr! They're Swifties and they both live in Virginia! I'm so excited because I've never had friends (at all really) that love Taylor as much as I love her, so that's been fun to experience today. We were freaking out together all day. And obviously, because I've recorded my reactions to the first two songs, I'm going to be doing the same tonight once Gorgeous hits my iTunes account. Fuck, I'm ready. And I've just been so ready for the song, I've just been on Tumblr and gearing up for TGIT tonight. I'm gonna literally hop in the shower and then watch TGIT, and then I'm going to be staying up until Gorgeous comes out and a bitch is READY except I'm not ready at all. Obviously, I haven't even heard the song yet, but it's gonna be the NP for this blog, let's get real. I guess the next thing that I'll post here is my reaction video to Gorgeous. So here's that and then I'll continue to freak out about it after haha.

Yo, so a lot has happened since I listened to the song. I'll be posting this on Sunday morning because I honestly couldn't do it last night because I was in my feelings over something, but I'll get into it, because I really want to capture the feeling and the outcome and everything else.

So firstly, let's talk about Gorgeous. I was all prepared to record my reaction and everything, and no matter what I did, the song wasn't showing up on either my phone OR on my computer on iTunes. I was freaking the hell out. I was so tired and just wanted to go to bed but I also wanted to give an honest reaction. Finally, after the internet was no help at solving my problem, I found something useful. I had to cancel the preorder and then re-preorder it, and it instantly downloaded. It'll probably charge me again, but whatever. We all know Taylor owns me, so it's no big deal. I really like the song, but for me, I don't think it's as strong as LWYMMD or RFI. Both songs have this like dark undertone, heavy synths, and just have this overall badass feel to them. And Gorgeous is just like, to me, what I would expect to hear on 1989. It still somehow has this similar feel of the first two songs, but I think that has more to do with the production, sort of, but mostly the lyrics. They're not the best lyrics overall, but the verses have some really Grade A content, so maybe that's why it works. Obviously, I'm still obsessed with the song, but it's not as strong. And then to see Taylor reblogging all these people from the Secret Sessions and people who were like TAYLOR THIS IS THE BEST SONG FROM REPUTATION YET when, I'm sorry, it just isn't, and this is coming from a Taylor Swift SUPERFAN. Nat had a livestream about how people were acting so fake just to garner her attention, and I couldn't agree more. I've been listening to Gorgeous non-stop, because it's still a really good song, and here's my reaction to it for anyone interested.

So there was that haha. I went to bed with That '70s Show, making my way downtown, walking fast through Season 4, and actually fell asleep really easily. Maybe it was because it was already 2:30 in the morning. I was worried about the amount of sleep I got during the night by the time my alarm went off for work, but I actually felt super well rested despite the three hours that I got. Work wasn't too bad, but I also don't really remember much of it. This is what happens when I don't blog on that specific day. My memory is completely shot from work, so that's just going to be a thing that happens. I honestly am sitting here, trying to think of things that happened, and I honestly can't think of anything. Thanks to my bank account, I do remember that we went to El Rodeo for lunch. Okay, I'm starting to remember some things now. We had a shrink meeting on Thursday, I don't know if I mentioned that. But it was basically the same old stuff, this is broken, but we will try to fix it, but it's y'alls fault, ya know, the same. But anyway, Friday we went to El Rodeo and complained about the way that things are and everything. The food was good though, so it's great.

After work, I was a little bummed bout having to work during the weekend, but I just wanted to get it over with so I could have my day off and everything. I slept SUPER well during the night, and woke up feeling pretty decent in the morning. I still woke up and got myself some breakfast before I headed into work because I just really was over it, but luckily I had Amber there to work with me, so that made it all the more better to get through the day. It wasn't so bad, aside from roudy teenagers in my department, literally like 15 of them, a bomb threat, and a support manager singing Taylor Swift's new song at me, nothing really happened haha. I also spent have the day helping people with the price change CBL. Speaking of helping people, most of my Friday was spent teaching people how to do SWAS because the assistants don't know how to. But that's none of my business.

So after work was over, I headed home, and got to learn a wonderful new thing that I wasn't privy to. My grandma and I were eating some DiGiorno for dinner, because pizza is really really good, and she asked me if I wanted the last piece or something like that and I said sure. She then was like "I guess I should stop forcing you to eat, people might think I'm making you fat." And I was like what are you even talking about? Apparently, her sisters said some shit to her during the dinner we had for Bonnie over at Fay's house Sunday and my weight was a hot topic. I was pissed. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. I've literally never shared with ANYONE in my family the true struggles that I've gone through with my relationship with food. From depression, to the only thing that would make me feel something was being overfull of food, they just have no idea. So to hear that they were talking bout me in this light really fucking hurt. I talked about it with Benzo, and then with my new Swiftie Tumblr friends Dacia, and they were making me feel better. But it just hurts that these people that are supposed to love you no matter what. And even more has happened now.

I went to bed with my Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie playing because I just needed something super familiar that makes me super happy after feeling so down about myself. The only good thing that came out of it, aside from knowing which members of my family are next on being cut out of my life, is I wrote down an exercise plan. Fuck them. Anyway, I went to bed pretty easily, and early into the movie. I was just super drained. And woke up to my phone going off, despite hving it on silent, which apparently does not include phone calls, and it's one of my grandma's sisters who's calling. I immediately think, "Oh Lord, here we go." After checking the time and seeing that it was a reasonable enough time for me to stop sleeping in, I check my phone's notifications. And my Facebook is blown the fuck up. I posted a status late last night about how I was feeling, and about choosing your own family over blood relation, and huge shout out to my Radford friends Amanda Leigh and Anna for showing me some much needed support. But family commented on it as well, the very ones in question.

I'm already so sick of seeing "I love you no matter what" from family. That so obviously isn't true. Don't comment saying you love me no matter what but then say yeah I did notice at the party that you had gained a few pounds. On Facebook. For anyone to read. Fuck you. I'm sorry, but that just isn't okay with me. I politely, as I could, said that her comment made me feel worse. So I guess we'll hear more about that as it happens.

Oh, and I've still been keeping up with my photos, so here's some more Artsy Selfie time!

                          

And thus, here we are on this lovely early afternoon on Sunday, just over everything. I need to go out and get some gas, so maybe I'll just drive around or something, who knows. Or maybe I'll just do my HIIT workout or walk around the yard. But first, I need to plan out my bills. Honestly, I'm just so ready to see the sun.

Not using love as an excuse to ridicule,

-- Jesse

Sweat Demon

| Now Playing: Drive by Miley Cyrus |

You told me that you wanted this,
I told you it was all yours.
If you're done with it,
Then why'd you say forever for?
If forever's out the door,
I'll ignore, when you call.

Drive my heart into the night,

You can drop the keys off in the morning.

'Cause I don't wanna leave home,

Without your love, without it.

I thought you would be there when I go,

You promised you would be there when I go.

But all the broken promises,

I won't miss, I'm finished.

All I know are the facts.

That when I look you in the eye,

All I see are the lies.

Been there, done that.

____________________________________________

Sweaty, do I have tea to serve. So in true blogging fashion, this blog is probably (definitely) going to be a lot more potent than my last blog. I don't know what it is about my Wednesday blogs but those tend to have more in them than the Saturday blogs. I guess because most of my work week in capsulized in the Wednesday vlogs, but who can never be sure?

I got to sleep in on Sunday, but not before being woken to the feeling of heat. And after further inspection, I saw that it because my AC unit was, while working, was leaking and half of my room was absolutely drenched in water. I guess I just knew something was wrong. So I turned off the AC unit and went back to sleep. Well, home girl was SWEAT-ING, bitch. But at least there wasn't anymore water being poured into the carpet. So thus begun the great drying phase. I ended up taking the AC unit out, hoping that we get some cooler weather because it's still pretty warm for October, and ya girl needs frigid soul temperature's to be able to be comfortable, and thus sleep. I took the AC unit out to the building and played some Splatoon 2. Vamps were the champs of Splatfest, so I won, ya heard. But anyway, after that, I was basically on Tumblr for the majority of the day, looking at people's HQ pictures with Taylor and my heart was just so full (even though I was admittedly a little jealous and coming down with a severe case of FOMO). I kept seeing all these pictures of Taylor in the Secret Sessions and she just looks so happy surrounded by her fans and it just reminded me of something, so I went into overdrive to make this picture that I'll embed now. It's actually a meme, and as we all know, I'm an avid fan of the Simpsons, so it's a twofer.

LOOK HOW FUCKING CUTE SHE IS. It's a hack job to be Pocahonest, but it's great. And it started getting notes like CRAZY. By the time my grandma and I left the house to head over to Fay's for dinner (Bonnie's in town), it had over 200 notes. I was like WHAEET?? I never make my own content on Tumblr, aside from text posts, so getting a bunch of notes is sort of a big deal for me. Makes me feel sort of noticed by the fandom, I guess. Thanks I guess. (I literally can't say that without using that damn phrase) But yeah. I was supporting the shit out of Taylor even at my family get together. Also, I made my black pants into shorts, thanks to more stitch witchery. I don't know if I shared those. Peep them pics, hunty.

My shorts come out so fucking good FUCK. Anyways, then the dinner happened. And girl, it was a lot. I like these shindigs or whatever, it's nice to see Bonnie when she flies out from Louisiana (She brought her daughter Shelby, whom we've never met, and her boyfriend, so that was cool too.) but there always ends up being drama. The food was great. It was barbecue and fixins that went along with it, but the drama. Okay, so my grandpa didn't go because he didn't want to, and I can't say I blame him because my grandma and her sisters just have a very tumultuous relationship. They've always sort of (Not really sort of, actually, just outright) treated her like she was less than them, and it's just never stopped. But anyway. Since my grandma didn't come, my grandma, after everyone was finished eating (Mind you, this is already about an hour and a half into the dinner / party), asked me if I would go make him a plate. So obviously, I was going to. Taylor (My cousin, not my lifeline) followed me because she wanted to make her boyfriend Tony a plate, also shouldn't be an issue. So I go into the kitchen and ask my grandma's sister for a paper plate, I immediately get an attitude that I surely didn't ask for. I was a little taken aback, but I just said "Oh, I was just going to make a plate for Pawpaw) and she looked at me and says "Oh, well [my grandma] can do that later, we haven't even had dessert yet". Literally what does that have to do with anything?

Not a damn thing, but sure, Jan. So after I get another attitude, she tells me where they're at, and I grab a couple for me and my cousin. It honestly just really pissed me off, because, why was that such a big deal? Why? It's not because there's not enough food because honestly, there was enough food there to feed at least a whole other family of 20, if not more, so like?? But we went on our merry fucking way and tried to enjoy the rest of the evening. Until right before we left. My grandma's sisters always take Bonnie out here and there when she's in town, which to me sounds so exhausting, I would just want to hang out with my sisters, but hey, it's not my time their wasting. So anyway, my grandma asks an innocent question (Albeit she could have curbed her attitude a little, but ya know) on whether or not anyone else is invited to this thing they're taking Bonnie too on Wednesday, and instead of answering my grandma, her sister just looks at her and then turns her heard, acting like she hadn't even spoken. I WAS LIKE YOU KNOW FUCKING WHAT??

I literally was so attacked at the fact that she had the gaul to do that in the first place, least of all right in front of me, my grandma's rabies infested creature of the night. Like what makes you think that you can just treat people like they don't matter? It wasn't the fact that she wasn't invited that pissed my grandma off, it was the fact that after asking about the excursion, she was ignored and treated like she was nothing. And that's when she made her trek out of the house without saying a word. I knew she was pissed because honestly, so was I. So I started to tell everyone bye and headed out. But of course, Rosanna and Bonnie are following me out there, as well as Joyce (But we love her, and I'm still pissed that the others refused to invite Joyce, who flew all the way from California just to meet Bonnie) And then they start having it out and my grandma is 100% over it, and getting loud and heated, and I just had to get her out of there, even though her anger was justified, I don't like to indulge that type of thing, so we got the hell out of there. I tried calming her down as best as I could on the way home. And even after all that about us making plates, we were sent home with so much food. Granted, I don't think it was about the food but still. Just no reason. No Reasons Why, now streaming on Netflix.

Winding down, I just decided to lounge around with some Splatoon, and I kept getting tired while playing, so that's good. Plus, I decided I needed to take some melatonin in order to get some sleep. Sleep ended up being a little hard to come by. 1, because I was hotter than hell, and ended up having to soak a towel in water and use it as my blanket for the night because THAT'S how hot I was not having my AC unit anymore and 2, because I was hoping Taylor Swift would see my Do It For Her post and like it. But I need to quit thinking that I'm ever going to really meet her, even though I want to so desperately, especially this era because she has literally saved my life, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

Waking up a few times, my sleep itself wasn't actually too bad, so that's good. I made my coffee, turned on my Sam & Joe podcast, and headed into work. And I don't know if my Target order for reputation didn't go through (For the third time) but I magically had 40 dollars on my card this morning, which ended up being for the best because I was starving and I really needed deodorant. Work wasn't too bad, I only had one cart of freight, and then a pallet that all ended up having to be binned, so that worked out for me. Coming back from the weekend is always the hardest, especially this weekend, where I didn't get much writing done and there was all the drama from Sunday weighing me down, so it's the sort of day that I needed to come back to. And then, I ended up writing on lunch! I finished the third scene out of five for this chapter, so everything is coming together nicely. And I did it while listening to Miley Cyrus' Bangerz album and man, I almost forgot how amazing it is. All my solo edits are obviously superior, and I need to find them and add them to my phone again, but yeah. Drive is definitely still my favorite off the album and thus has landed in the NP. After lunch, I spent the rest of the work day doing processes and Seanathan Michael Preston came in, so that was good, so I could tell him about all the overstock that's coming in and everything.  Nothing really crazy happened at work, except for the fact that there's Rumors by Lindsay Lohan going around that someone's already landed the position that I recently applied for, but I didn't expect to get it, they want me where I'm at.

And my Do It For Her post has reached 1,276 notes! That's so crazy, and I'm super grateful to everyone and anyone that's reblogged it since yesterday. And Nat from Australia, the super famous fan in the fandom that met Taylor during the 1989 tour, reblogged it, so that like super boosted my post and I turned into Trisha Paytas.

I came home, and stuck to my guns and worked on my boosts while playing Splatoon, forever the staple. I'm at 1526 boosts! Super proud. OH! I almost forgot. I found a GEM as soon as I walked into work this morning. I was passing Electronics to head to the work station and saw Mighty Morphin Power Rangers The Movie, yes, the 1995 original that I have on VHS that doesn't work anymore and  would ALWAYS watch on days I stayed home from school, on DVD. So, like, I had to get it. I just had to. That was one of the best things I've seen at work in a while haha. I even worked out a little bit after I was finished, but I honestly got so out of breath that I had to stop, but ya know. Luckily, it's only gotten to like 68 today temperature wise, so sleeping tonight should be good because since the sun went down, I pulled my window down and stuck the fan from the living room in the window to blow in the cool air. Other than that, I've just been listening to Look What You Made Me Do and ...Ready For It? on a loop while I've written this blog, or at least remembered everything from Sunday and Monday, or today. So here's to tomorrow, hopefully following the same lines as today. Also, Benzo and I really wanted to go to Bingo today, and enjoy the increased jackpot, but we're both broke, so here I sit, in my rep hat, my Beats on, wearing nothing but my Patrick Star underwear and the pink hoodie I stitch witched, writing this blog. Living large. I'm gonna wind down with That '70s Show, is what I'm gonna do. I'm almost finished with Season 3 (thanks sleeping problems!) so, I should be on Season 4 by tomorrow. Goodnightly news.

I finally slept through the night, good, actual sleep, for the first night that I can remember in I can't remember how long. Literally it felt like I was finally a human again, reborn from the dark pits of insomnia. I didn't get an incredible amount of sleep, not more or anything like that. But I actually just rested while I was sleeping. So that really impacted how my day went, I suppose. I guess it's crazy what some good sleep can do for you. Thanks I guess. But I woke up before my alarm went off, and I just went ahead and started getting ready. It gave me a little more time to perfect my coffee, and then I had enough time to grab some breakfast at Hardee's, because I was feeling good from the sleep, so I figured I should further the hope for a good day by actually eating breakfast for once.

And I was FUCKED UP because of That '70s Show. I was absolutely dreading to get to the episode where Donna and Eric break-up, and then Eric wants the Angel to take all the memories. It's always fucked me up even before I had watched the show all the way through, and I was just so unready. So after crying during their break-up and the take-the-memories-away scene, I was so upset that I had to have a slice of chocolate cake and some milk. Because reasons. I was in my feelings for sure. But I started Season 4, since it starts with that Angel episode. It was a lot. Good, but a lot.

Work wasn't too crazy, aside from the fact that we had company. Our new Market was there, so everyone was in a panic, but not ya girl. Because it is what it is anymore. So after the meeting, which was just enough, we went about our merry fucking day. I actually stuck pretty close to routine for the day, which is a godsend if I ever heard of one. I'm lucky on days where routine gets done. Anyways, there's really nothing to tell about that day, except for my home girl Teresa (who's been out sick with her awful migraines) got shaded by a manager. I jokingly was talking about taking Pets back if it was re-split and the amount of attitude I got as well as the actual dialogue that transpired was enough. But what can you do for a Klondike bar.

When I got home from work, my grandma was out somewhere, I can't remember where she was. But almost as soon as I got home, I saw someone walking around the front yard toward the backdoor at the carport, where I park. I thought it might have been Ian at one point, but it wasn't, and honestly, it was a little freaky. I didn't know exactly what was going to happen, but it ended up being a guy from AEP. They had some type of line down or something or other and he said in about ten minutes our power was going to go off and then it would probably take around THREE HOURS before it was back on. Home girl was not having it. So it went off around 5, and since it was already getting hot in the house, I headed outside because it was cooler out there anyway. I did some writing outside while listening to Lana's Lust For Life album (which I really need to listen to more because it's so good) but that didn't last long because the restlessness was settling in nice and fine. So I ended up heading in my car (Even though I should be cooling it because my tire pressure light is on and it freaks me out. I meant to call today, but LunchCrewAdvised2K17 happened, so I didn't have a chance / forgot) to go across town to hit up Barnes & Noble. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for work to get Maggie Stiefvater's new book that came out on the 10th, to no avail. So I decided to listen to the Speak Now album on the way there, great fun was had. I'm super excited to read the book because everything that Maggie touches is literal gold. But I'm biased. I mean, I do have a tattoo that her book series inspired. I'm only about ten pages into the book, but it's very intriguing. More on this as the weeks progress.

When I came home, the power was already back on, despite it not being the full three hours that I was told it would be, so that was something to be thankful for. I ended up doing my boosts as soon as I got home, while playing a spell or two of Splatoon. I mean, that's just honestly all I do anymore. OH, also, I was doing section work and found that statue of the Dia de los Muertos married couple that I've been obsessed with since we've gotten Halloween stuff in. I put it up there to buy one day, forgot, and thought someone had put in back in Seasonal. But upon finding it, I went ahead and bought it. I even named them from when I first found them, so here's a lovely picture of Raoul and Francesca standing on their new home atop a copy of my book.

Precious angels. After that, I settled into an early night (early here means before midnight) and settled into bed with That '70s Show. I almost forgot too, Monday night, I did some HIIT excersies and I've been sore ever since. I think it was the squats, I think I went a little too hard on them. But that's what happens when I listen to ...Ready For It? I've been on a kick over this and the last blog that I posted where I've just been listening to both LWYMMD and RFI on a loop. I guess that little break I took to not tire of them worked because now I'm back to listening to them both probably about ten times a day. Honestly, Taylor just needs to drop another promo single so I can add another roster to my  rotation. I also watched the episode of Riverdale that I had missed so I was caught up, but I probably won't watch tonight's episode live because I have a hotel to book. I'll get to that in a sec.

I actually set earlier alarms this morning so that I could get some breakfast from McDonald's because honestly, I just deserve it. Anyway, so that was wonderful. I got up so early, coffee wasn't ready, and I couldn't wait, so I didn't end up having any coffee this morning, so that was a bummer. But the day ended up being a pretty good one, despite what happened. So the visit was not a good one, go figure, so we're doing this thing where we deep dive as a team into departments. Cap, work picks, zone, change on hands and shelf cap, the whole nine. While this is good in theory, and EVERY department either needs it or could benefit from it, it takes us away from our own departments, which is already the problem. But ya know, in due time, I hope. First up was Wendy, so we went to work on that. It wasn't too bad, just I didn't see my own department until after two. To be expected, I suppose.

So Pam asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. Teresa is still out sick, and Destiny was off today, so it was just me and her as far as original members of LunchCrew2K17. We invited Wendy and Amber, so we thus became LunchCrewAdvised2K17, and we had a blast. Since it's Wednesday, we went back to Macado's to get our Southwestern Quesadilla because BITCH. And we complained about things, like normal, and thought about how bad it's going to be when Warden gets back tomorrow, from being off today. It's going to be bad, I can feel it.

After lunch, we went back to help Wendy, but because I had over 200 price changes, I had to leave at 2 and go back to my department (As well as most everybody else). It really wasn't a bad day, it truly wasn't, but I got absolutely nothing done in my department today, aside from what price changes I was actually able to get done. All my freight from this morning was left for overnight to run, thankfully to Dennis, so we'll so how that went in the morning.

The weirdest thing happened when I was leaving work. I got into my car, like normal, and plugged up my phone to play music, like normal, (and by music, I mean ...Ready For It? and Look What You Made Me Do), and it wouldn't work. It would play CDs, it would play the radio, but it would not play music from my phone. It would charge it, so obviously everything is working correctly, but it refused to play music from my phone. So then I started panicking, thinking it has to be my car, but because it's still charging, it has to be my phone. So I listened to the 1989 CD I have in my car on the way home to get my Taylor fix and Googled that shit as soon as I got home. The internet was saying try restarting your phone, but I saw an article that said look for an update, and sure enough, there was an update available that said "addressing audio playback issues". Tell me how in the fuck my car knew my phone needed to update before I did? What an age we live in.

And since I've been home today? I haven't done much. Played some Splatoon 2, caught up on some Shane Dawson videos, and now, I'm about to book the hotel for Nashville! Because Aloft is going to be so expensive, just for one night, I'm going to go through my discount from work to get a cheaper hotel, and I've found a good one. Plus, Benzo got the official thumbs up that she can probably have Saturday off to go down with me, so it's looking good. After I book the hotel, I think I'm going to work on boosts for a little bit, because I've almost hit 1600 and I have a self made goal of hitting 2000 before the ticket site goes down and you can't gain anymore haha. Oh, and that Do It For Her post I made on Tumblr? It's at 1,493 notes. I'm basically Tumblr famous. Not really, but I can dream, I guess haha.

And my selfie trend has continued. And because I know my avid following (aka, just me) wants to see those pics, here they are.

 

So artsy, so edgy. 

Luckily, I haven't been too hot from not having the AC unit in my room. It's been so cold at night, I haven't had to worry about it. I've even had to turn my fan that faces my bed off to sleep because I was getting to cold when I was laying down. But I'll always be a sweat demon.

Forever a demon exuding heat,

-- Jesse